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Savvy May 2021

Guilt Tripped

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Nicole, on February 9, 2021 at 12:44 PM

Ok my 2021 brides! I need to vent for a second and get some thoughts on this subject.

My fiancé and I are getting married on May 30 (less than four months away 🎉).
We changed the location due to Covid protocols back in November and sent out new Save the Locations cards before Christmas.
My cousin and I had a conversation last night over the phone because she had “concerns” about our wedding... oh, she’s also a bridesmaid.
She started making me feel guilty because we are moving forward with our wedding and asked if we can limit the amount of guests, yet she’s going to hop on a plane and stay in a hotel for our wedding but wants us to limit how many people we have.
She also asked me how I would feel if someone got Covid while attending my wedding potentially from someone who could be contagious.
The only words I could utter out of my mouth were, “We have thought about postponing, but we are going to move forward with our wedding. If someone doesn’t feel comfortable coming, then they do not have to come. We are not forcing anyone to attend.”
Needless to say, I was shocked and deeply hurt and felt disrespected.
Have any of my bride friends on here been through something similar?

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44 Comments

Master October 2021
Sexypoodle · on February 11, 2021 at 1:45 PM
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This is life and everyone will always have an opinion. So I wouldn’t worry about that because you’ll drive yourself crazy trying to please each person. Ultimately, she can’t control you wedding decisions. Also (it’s my belief that) others can’t make us feel guilty, unless it’s a feeling that we already have. So if you’re fine with your plans, move forward with them and she can choose to attend or not.
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Beginner August 2021
Karen · on February 22, 2021 at 11:59 PM
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Nah...expressing her concern is one thing, but she lost me at "how would you feel if someone caught COVID at your wedding..." That's obnoxious and manipulative.
You handled yourself perfectly. Like this hasn't been hard enough on you already.
I postponed my 4/5/20 wedding in NYC, 3 weeks before -- when the city shut down.
My third (and hopefully final) date is 8/15/21. I am an older bride with elderly parents (both of whom recovered from bad cases of Covid) so I don't really want to put it off.
But I also can't bring myself to re-ignite the planning. I look back at last year when I was worried about people whining because it was an adults-only wedding. Talk about a simpler time. I am almost not ready to embark on the Covid chatter. It's tough enough to get your head around your wedding not being as you had planned it. You don't need any additional grief, especially from family.
This day is about you and your husband. You are taking all of the precautions and are striving to keep your head positive. She can stay home. Or maybe take another trip to Vegas. You go be a stunning bride at your beautiful wedding. xoxo
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Expert November 2020
Shirley · on February 23, 2021 at 8:17 AM
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I had to deal with this for months, and it's so out of line. I would never ask someone to change their plans, I would just decline if I was uncomfortable.

Im having a wedding celebration this fall, and on the website FAQs, I literally wrote "we have thought about our restrictions and are not changing them. If you feel unsafe, we recommend not attending. Please don't feel obligated to explain, we understand"
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Master May 2020
Kari · on February 23, 2021 at 7:44 PM
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Have you made it clear to your cousin that she can opt out if she wants to? While I support your notion that anyone who does not feel comfortable can opt out of your wedding it is possible that 1) she doesn't feel like she can because she's a bridesmaid and 2) her comfort level is based on whatever safety practices are in place, how many people will be there, where they will be traveling from, etc, which is why she is asking questions (even if they seem nosy and otherwise rude). I honestly think bringing up her concerns was the right thing to do, even if the conversation is a difficult one to have. She probably really wants to be there for you but also has legitimate worries.

I was very recently invited to a baby shower and immediately felt torn about whether to go or not. I am SO excited for this girl and her husband but don't know her sister (who is throwing the event) and felt awkward asking about safety precautions. Fortunately after poking around I found additional card in the invitation that says masks will be required and there is a large outdoor patio and they are planning on social distancing. I personally feel like I really need those things to feel responsible attending a group event. I don't think I could go if those expectations had not been set for the group.

My husband and I got married last May 30 but had to scrap our wedding plans and ended up doing a socially distant elopement with less than 10 guests that lasted all of 40 minutes, so I totally get how frustrating it is to have Covid impact your big day. There is no perfect answer. In this situation, I think you just have to make a decision and understand that whatever decision you make will impact things in one way or another and not everyone will feel the same way that you do or have made the same decision you chose.
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