Hall Pass List---warning tmi

I might be irritated but I don’t think it’s something to be really upset about, I think it’s a good thing that he’s so open with you about it. Most men watch porn and I think a lot hide it from their SO for fear of reactions like this, but if you’re not comfortable watching it I would make that clear.

I feel like you are being a bit ridiculous. What difference does it make if the people he listed are porn stars or actresses. You kinda pushed him to make the list when it seems like you could have just dropped it after 1.5 hours. I also don't get why you are upset that he watches porn since you watch it when you are in the mood it.

Perhaps you should think about why this is upsetting you. Is it because of societal preconceptions about porn, or are you genuinely upset by porn? Once you have that answer, you will know what to do.

@ morgan- Thank you for your response. Question---how much is too much porn? When is it considered an addiction problem? Im not upset that he watches porn...I know all guys do and so do women as I partake on occasions. It just seems like every chance he gets he is watching porn...example I go up to bed thinking he is following right after but once I go up the stairs he puts on the playboy channel and is watching for anywhere between 15 mins to 1 hour.

Not all guys watch porn. If you’re worried about it, you should talk to him about it or see someone together

I think this is a personal thing, if you are upset about his porn watching you need to have an honest open discussion about it. I can't imagine continuing to ask someone for a list for an hour and a half, that seems extreme and almost like you weren't going to be satisfied if he didn't give you a list, yet you don't like the list he gave you. Also I'm not sure how to measure normal when it comes to porn. I'd be more concerned that he has to consider if they will let themselves go, get fat like he said. That seems worse to me. A lot worse.

I would not be getting upset about him naming porn stars, I have some guy friends who follow porn starts on Instagram and I think that's how they would know most of their names if not from watching porn. I think you are more upset about the watching of the porn, more than you think he should. Voice your opinion and see what his reaction is, he may not think there is anything wrong with it & not know how much it irritates you.

I think it totally depends on the couple. If it bothers you though, I think you should tell him. Maybe he is also bothered that he's watching more porn? It could be stress from the change in the relationship or something else that is causing it and needs to be talked about. What you're describing would break my heart, but that's because our relationship is totally different. We wouldn't play the hall pass game, and he's completely against strip clubs & the like. I think you know your relationship, and if it's going to stay that way then don't stop communicating. Also, everyone acts a little weird sometimes when they drink. Maybe you got upset easier than normal or accidentally made it weird for him. Or maybe he was just being weird? Don't worry too much though! It will tear you apart if you don't get it off your chest. Also, maybe it's because he doesn't actually think about it and doesn't have a list! My FH always says he has no celebrity crushes because he doesn't know what they're really like. Sure, he thinks Scarlett Johansson is gorgeous, but he says "what if she's mean?" haha maybe all he can think of for just "sex" is women who do that for a living.

It's normal to be upset, so don't get yourself down. Talk to him & you'll figure it out. Hang in there!

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There's no hard and fast rule for what is considered porn addiction, but in general I would use the same guidelines that you would for any drug. Namely: Watching porn for longer than he intends, trying to stop and not being able to, spending a lot of time watching porn, or figuring out how he can watch porn, having cravings to watch it, porn causing failuire to fuffil major obligations at home, work, or school, continuing watching porn in spite of negative consequences, doing less of what he loves so he can watch porn, needing to watch more and more (or watch more 'hardcore' stuff) in order to feel 'satisfied'.

There is no official diagnosis of 'porn addiction' but if this is something that is affecting your relationship, I would have an honest and candid conversation about how it makes you feel. If, after sharing your feelings, he can't cut down, I would consider seeing a therapist.

View Quoted Comment THIS times a thousand. FH and I relationship is exactly like this as well. He doesn't do strip clubs or watch porn. It's just not how our relationship works, but everyone's is different. I think Ryan Reynolds is gorgeous and he thinks Gwen Stefani is gorgeous and that's okay, but we never talk about it like as if we would want to sleep with them. You seem VERY upset (I would be if I was in your shoes) so please just talk to your FH, OP. Be completely transparent with him.

@ Denise Ryan Reynolds is my #1 LOL. I wish my FH was a lot like your FH. Mine did lead me to believe he was not into strip clubs bc he thought of them as a waste of money but that was not true. He still thinks they are a waste of money but he voluntarily goes to them on his own.

View Quoted Comment Ryan Reynolds is seriously amazing! Ive loved him for years and watch all of his movies lol. OP, how long have you and FH been together? You're making it sounds like at first he made himself seem like one type of person (I guess the type that doesn't watch porn much or go to strip clubs) but then at some point in the relationship, he showed that he really is into those things? That's pretty deceptive of him to not be honest from the start...

Hey-
i can totally get why this would be bothersome. I have no problem with porn but it’s usually used a means to an end, where he seems more invested than that. I’m wondering how it affects you though. Do you feel like you’re not physically enticing enough for him? Do you worry he prefers them over you? Is it that you feel like he’s choosing porn over time with you?

It strikes me that he seems to treat porn as a hobby, the way we do tv/movies? I wonder what he enjoys about it. I think you have got to do some digging to be able to articulate why this bothers you and what you need from him. I would also encourage you to approach him gently to see what is so intriguing about porn.

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@ Denise - We have been together for almost 8 yrs in July. We just got engaged 2 months ago. I feel it was pretty deceptive as well. The only thing I deceived him on was that I wasn't into skiing as much as he thought....oh and at the time we finally started to email on the dating site I was unemployed technically...which means I was collecting from the state but was working odd jobs to make money (bar tender, nanny) I also had my own apartment with no roommate and never borrowed any money from family during my unemployment period so its not like I was deceiving him to believe I was not in financial distress. I have always told him my bills are my bills. Im not looking for a sugar daddy. I don't think of that as a deception.

It’s meant to be a joke. If you’re not comfortable with it, you shouldn’t play it. He might be feeling the opposite like you came up with a list in 10 min?! You must’ve thought about this before !!
It sounds like we was just having fun with the “game” ...lots of people can name a bunch of porn stars

Lmao. First of all this is something FH and I would never do. Second, if I did decide to ask him who would he sleep with other than me, I definitely wouldn't get angry over his response. Although my FH is the shy type and would never say it.

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@ Kelly- Thank you for assuring I am not totally crazy...just a little crazy lol. I know guys are gonna watch porn from time to time but how much is too much. I understood when were not having sex on a reg basis due to issues I was experiencing but not now. And the fact that I seem to notice an increase in it since we got engaged is concerning. Or maybe he is not hiding it as much since we got engaged??? I don't know. He didn't record anything on our DVR before we got engaged but now he does.

Okay it sounds like you’re more concerned about his porn habits than anything. If it bothers you, you need to talk to him about it. It doesn’t have to be addiction level for it to bother you, if it’s more than you’re comfortable with, you need to be able to have a conversation with him to figure out some sort of compromise with him to find a solution that would make you comfortable.
I don’t have a problem with watching porn but if he was staying up every night just to watch, I’d be a little bothered.

Reading this post made me angry for you. I'm in the same boat I would lose my sh*t. It doesn't really matter if you're right or wrong it's just how you feel not something you control. So talk to him about it, set boundaries. Maybe let him know it hurt you to know he does that so often and openly. I can't fully respond to this because I'm getting angry at my fiance just thinking about this situation and he didn't even do anything lol. So just talk to him.

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@ Megan- Thank you for your response. It is sad to say that I am relieved I am not the only one thinking this way or experiencing this. Can I ask How long u and your FH have been together?

PS Im sorry my post made you upset and angry at you FH