Has anyones relationship become more tense after engagement?

How long have you guys lived together? Have you discussed how finances would work for you two before moving in together and/or now that you’re engaged? He may feel he’s assuming a role he’s not actually going to take on now that you’re engaged. It may also be worth looking into premarital counseling. I lived with my fiancé for 3 years before getting engaged. We had tons of these fights leading up to our engagement and had we gotten engaged sooner I’d say it’s safe to assume we would have continued to have these fights regardless of that new exciting period in our lives.

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Thank you for getting back to me! Weve lived together for a year and we had a full on conversation about money and finances. Im a teacher ( I do have debt so every month Im paying it off) and hes a financial advisor and owns two businesses..so its not that were struggling...Ive never depended on him or looked to him, its not who I am. I told him its team work and he agreed and then, out of nowhere, he flipped. I go to therapy...sounds crazy but I do for past issues and Ive learned how to communicate and when I try to be rational he gets mad. I dont know. Premarital counseling sounds like a good idea and I think were going to have to. Thank you for virtually listening lol.

View Quoted Comment Maybe being a financial advisor he knows too much...or thinks he does haha. But in all seriousness, I have a married friend who’s gone to counseling for years for past issues as well yet her and her husband kind of lost track of their communication over time. While she had all the tools, he never had gone until they decided to do couples counseling and it’s been smooth sailing since. If you do decide to go, I hope it helps!

View Quoted Comment Have you talked to him and try to find out the real reason why he flips out so fast??? Being that it was before the engagement, maybe it’s something else and not the stress of the wedding... how long prior to the engagement were things tense up? And do you know why??? Maybe he’s going through something?? There’s no reason why he should get so mad at you like this?? Also, don’t let him insult you, once that starts it will continue and lead to other things.... counseling is definitely a must in this case I believe.... good luck!!

View Quoted Comment This is almost identical to my situation. The wedding finances have been setting off little disagreements and creating tension between my fiancé and I. I’m also a teacher and we own a business together. I want my own income outside of the business and am looking for a second or part time job, he insists I don’t need it. We’re also not hurting by any means for money... but anytime I spend the money I have not from our combined expenses, he has something to say about it. Thankfully it’s never a full blown fight, I just feel so judged. I get it, I don’t have advice or an answer since I’m navigating this conundrum myself. We otherwise never have had any problems with finances.

Oh yes... it was bliss then tension. For sure make sure you are on the same page about the wedding and things that are important to both of you. At the strait of planning, every time we would look at a venue he would bring up money, and how weddings didn’t make sense. I finally told him that it was completely destroying the joy I hoped to have since I was a little girl, planning my wedding and everything I wanted. We sat down and talked about budget and what was a must for each of us. This was a game changer. We didn’t even realize the tension and fights were because of planning and not understanding each other’s feelings because we hadn’t communicated expectations or desires. We also signed up for marriage counseling and I don’t know about your spiritual beliefs but devotionals and church helped align our communication.

I think we still struggle with money, I feel like I’m the only one paying for anything (because I’m the only one who has so far). But through communication it has gotten soooo much better. We also don’t live together and are very separate/independent in our lives. I believe They are growing pains, because we’ve never don’t this before and we’re being stretched.

I’m sorry this is happening to you. I personally didn’t have this issue but of course there’s always disagreements here and there. Now I think it things are like this now I’ll be concern because the closer the wedding gets the more tension it can build up. I think couples counselor is the way to go. He needs to learn how to communicate with you and how to express how he feels without blowing out.
Good luck and don’t give up.

Our conversations about money definitely became more strained. Both of us have well paying jobs but our personal finances definitely differ. We were also having arguments about other stuff that I feel like we didn't fight about before we were engaged (and we did live together for years before becoming engaged). I found us a counselor who works with couples and I have to said it has helped our relationship a lot. I didn't think my fiancé would be open to it once we got there (he was dead set against it when I mentioned it but went with me because I thought it important) and I think he has gotten more out of it than I have!

Oh yes, especially after we moved in together. But we get married in 2 1/2 days and it’s gotten a little bit better.

Mine has, but not related to finances so much. Well, a little, but we're pretty good about talking over finances and making changes as necessary. It sounds like you guys should definitely talk to a premarital counselor, and maybe a financial advisor. Preferably a financial advisor who has experience blending finances between two households. There are several different ways joint finances can work, and it's really important that both partners are on board with choosing one that works for everyone. It definitely sounds like your partner has some issues with how your joint finances are working. Definitely don't wait until after the wedding to resolve those.

FWIW, my partner and I are mostly talking about communication and how some of our previous relationships resolved (or failed to, in a timely manner). And making sure all past issues are put to bed for real, before we commit to each other. It hasn't been easy to talk about, but it's really been worth doing.

Have you considered premarital counseling? I know several people that have sworn by it. We’re planning on doing it soon.

I agree with the Previous poster. Try some premarital counseling. And to answer your question things have been off the charts amazing or really wack ..its bizarre. Lol we have been getting along great for years. Add this wedding and we've had some major blow ups. I think it's the stress. I just don't like that you said there were insults... try to get that ironed out right away 🚩

I did not have this happen. You will need ri discuss how things work but your health should always be priority no matter the cost.

Honestly, I would be prepared for these behaviors to go unchanged. Financial issues are so common in marriage. I know plenty of couples that fight about finances all the time. It's one thing to have a discussion to get on the same page, but another thing entirely to make demands. If my FH demanded I get a second job, I would not be happy. Others have given great advice to seek counseling.

Based on what you wrote it sounds like before engagement things were rough because you were feeling frustrated for doing most of the things around the house? And now argument happened because of the money (your dental bill)? It sounds like your FH is earning substantially more than you, though you’re independent, self sufficient & hard-working.

Do you think that maybe he believes that since he is earning more & will maybe be primary bread winner, that you should work more around the house & that he also gets to call financial shots? If yes, I would see that as a problem, as that’s not equal distribution of power in a marriage. I personally would have a big issue if FH freaked out about my health bills (sorry, I don’t mean to be harsh, but health is non-negotiable for me). If you are working full-time & often two jobs, it doesn’t matter who earns more, as marriage is all about union & teamwork.

Him getting mad about rational conversation is also worrisome. I would try to work on communication skills, whether through individual or couple’s therapy, books, etc.

Girl I am a teacher and I feel like it always gets more tense during the summer 😂 we just bicker more when I’m not working. Hopefully it gets better! I’m sorry that’s happening to you!

I've had those moments. I think because there's a lot going on. It's like how they say when you travel with a partner you're in a stressful and odd situation outside of normal everyday life and you can tend to have tense moments during.