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Lilly
Just Said Yes June 2024

Hate to admit this, but I'm a little jealous.

Lilly, on April 7, 2022 at 11:10 AM Posted in Family and Relationships 0 5
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My sister and I are both in our 40s. I was married once for over 2 decades. She's never been married or even lived with a man other than her 2 sons. She's been dating her bf for about a year. I've been dating mine for almost 2. Last night, her bf came to my house to show me an engagement ring. They are going on a trip, and he plans on asking during the trip. My bf and I have been discussing it a lot so I've been making little plans and inquiries (my wedding will not be big). But he still hasn't asked so nothing official. I thought he might during our vacation in July. But now I found out he has known about my sister's boyfriends intentions for 5 months. 5? 7 months after they started dating. My bf told him not to worry about our time line, but I'm like seriously? Do you know my sister? It's going to put me back at least a year. She's going to want a lot of attention. She'll also be indecisive about a date for a while. I'm not mad at her at all, but I'm seriously doubting my bfs desire to even get married. We even started talking about selling houses and buying a new one or adding on to his and selling my larger one, but I won't make any financial decisions like that until we are engaged. We are waiting on architectural plans, and at this point, I now feel like I should wait longer. It seems ridiculous I know, but if he's not ready by now, maybe he won't ever be. We are not younger people trying to figure ourselves out so years of dating feels like a waste of time. Now I just want to concentrate on my home. What changes I want to make and not be concerned with decisions about him. I had big plans for my 50th year. Looks like I'm about to go back to those plans instead of a new house, and the 2023 wedding I'll be attending will be hers and not my own.

5 Comments

Latest activity by Steph, on April 11, 2022 at 11:17 PM
  • E
    Devoted August 2022
    Emily ·
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    I honestly would not worry about your sister's timeline, and if you do get engaged to plan at your own pace and just make sure you aren't booking the wedding for the same weekend as your sister.

    As for the timing, one year is incredibly fast, and two years is still not too long. I got engaged after four years of dating, and all of my friends dated for 3-10 years before engagement. I would take to your boyfriend about future goals and where you want your relationship to go.

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  • MOB So Cal
    January 2019
    MOB So Cal ·
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    Disregarding all the stuff about your sister, it seems the bottom line is at this point in your life you want to know where your current relationship is headed -- and if it's not toward and engagement/marriage soon, you'd rather move on since that is your goal. If that's the case, it's probably past time for a very direct conversation with your bf about how he sees your future together and how that aligns with your goals. If you're not on the same page, and you want to be married and settled, then you can make an informed decision about what you want to do next. Good luck to you!

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  • M
    VIP January 2019
    Maggie ·
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    I agree with this. Your jealousy of your sister is distracting yourself from the real issue: your lack of confidence in your boyfriend's desire/willingness to marry you. Have some frank conversations with him, including asking him to marry you, and see where that leads you. Once you know how he really feels, then you will be able to make decisions for your life.

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  • C
    Devoted September 2022
    Carissa ·
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    Girl let's be real, you and your sister are both too old for this kind of drama. And im not calling you old- everyone above 23 is too old for this kind of drama. You are on your own life path. She is on hers. Listen to your boyfriend - there are no timelines. Who cares about when her wedding is, especially if you dont want anything big anyway? This is not worth stressing over. Just live your life and stop worrying about timelines.
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  • Steph
    Dedicated May 2022
    Steph ·
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    I might ruffle some feathers here but this is just my opinion… There are a lot of people out here that get engaged and married when they are in the “honeymoon” phase of their relationship. There is no handbook that says when you’re ready you need to purpose on one knee. The fact that you own property and make life plans with someone that loves you is such a major commitment in itself! My FH asked me to marry him 13 years ago when I was 8 months pregnant with our daughter … and I had no interest in ever getting married. We also split up soon after that because he was an immature jerk at the time. LOL.. Now, We have built a successful business together, we have built a family together, we have a house together. We have gone through all of life’s ups and downs and still are disgustingly in love. We did everything completely backwards by society’s standards and honestly, it has worked out perfectly. Don’t rush it, and don’t stress it. If you spend time worried about the “what if’s” of the future you will miss out on what is happening right now. Be happy and it’ll fall into place the way it should .
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