Hateful Sister-in-law

Are you close to them? Yes? Ask them to be bridesmaids. No? Don’t.

You don't have to ask her to be in your party if you aren't close to her. It's not automatic for siblings to be included.

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I agree with this. If you don't have any relationship (or a bad relationship now), I wouldn't.

Asking them to be in your bridal party won't guarantee that they are never mean to you again, and it will probably cause you a lot of unnecessary stress over the course of your wedding planning.

All it will do is get them to stop complaining about this one thing. If this is the way they are, they are going to keep being this way.

You should only have those closest to you as bridesmaids. You should never ask anyone out of obligation, or because they are demanding it. Thankfully you have FH to back you up. Stay strong!!

One more thing: stop telling them any details about your wedding. This will help cut out the mean comments. They can't comment if they don't know anything. Keep the details between you and FH, and any of your close people. When asked about details, respond with "haven't decided on that yet...." or "you'll have to come to the wedding to see"

Pick whatever colors you want for your wedding. It doesn't matter what anyone else is doing, or what they may want for their wedding. Colors aren't anyone's exclusive property.

If you aren’t close I say NO and I would stop telling them anything. Don’t invite negativity into your world and pick whatever color you and your FH want. As long as he’s on your side you guys do what you want.

I wouldn't even gave them at the wedding more less ask them to be in the wedding. This situation sounds hostile and toxic. Sorry you are going through this. This situation it might be better to cut ties. Also I'm at an age I don't have time or energy for drama and people to mistreat myself or my FH. Good luck

If they're giving you crap stop talking to them. Definitely don't have them as Bridesmaids

View Quoted Comment I totally agree with this. It's unfortunate that you're having such a miserable time planning. I didn't have a wedding the first time I was married because my family was making it so hard. To answer your question, I wouldn't have them be bridesmaids if you are already having issues with them.

Just no. That sounds awful. Don't ruin your day like that.

If you have them as bridesmaids, you’re consciously asking for a major headache.

Asking them to be part of the wedding is inviting them to be around more which doesn't sound like something you'd want. Steer clear of this mess.

You already know the answer to this question.

Big fat NO. They’ll be meaner cuz they’ll think they can get away with it.

Stop sharing all details with that family. Give them the date, and tell them the rest is a surprise for now.

We don’t talk to my FHA family at all because they are toxic people. We speak with his brother who isn’t so bad but he can tend to take the families side. Basically ever since a issue that involved cops ( his mom and sis thought they were slick) but the call she made ended in my favor. I can go on forever about them. When I met my FH he was too scared to tell me what his family was like so he let me choose to get close even tho he only tolerated his family because he needed a place to live.. he was scared I’d run away from the crazy. Needless to say after 3 years of living in that house, it was toxic and I have slight ptsd. They have treated my FH as the burden kid because he was adopted in attempts to save a marriage that didn’t get saved but messed everything up. Since we do talk with his brother and his girlfriend we invited them to be apart of the wedding party but because “mom” won’t be there “ we put them in a tough situation”... so I said fine then so you want a invite and they said yes. So then we tell them about the engagement party this October and my FH sisters daughter changed her 2 year olds birthday party to October 19th once she got word that was our date for the engagement party. Her kids birthday is originally the 25th so the next day is a Saturday which is when she was gonna so the party. She even had the guts to make a smart ass comment about how it’s the same day because the brother isn’t gonna pick my FH engagement party over his great nieces 2nd birthday and my FH sisters daughter acts just like her mom... if she’s hurt and can’t admit to her wrong doings then she will do everything in her power to hurt you or start drama . What she did with the birthday party was a low move and that’s exactly why she doesn’t get talked to either. She wants to be a good person but will destroy anyone who hurts her. Basically at this point if his brother doesn’t come to our engagement even tho they would ( he won’t formally reply in the guest list which is also another tactic for them to not look bad, if he formally replies like everyone else then everyone can see his name and that he said going and it would look bad for them publicly then our word vs theirs over some text message). At this point they are no longer invited to be apart of the wedding party and if they don’t Decline the engagement or say they will and don’t show then they aren’t invited to the wedding snd honestly they obviously have showed that they aren’t making much efforts towards being involved in our life ever since he found out his mom wasn’t invited which was my FH call even years and years ago with his ex. His mom damaged and emotional abused him and at times physical and he got the worst because he was adopted. From my experience with people like that, they will complain if you involve them ( like how his brother says he wants to be more apart of my FH life) but since mom isn’t coming .. that changes everything and that shows he doesn’t respect that once he moved out and the sister was drinking that things got really bad and stayed that. This is also a new girlfriend of his brothers so when my wedding comes I’m sure she will cry to me how sorry she is that she said my FH husband was right about the mom and how she’s sorry ( she went on about how wonderful their mom is) and I thought that for like 3 years until she pulled some crazy stuff. I wish I never tired to involve his brother and his brothers family. When we moved out his moms, they didn’t call us or nothing and we were fine with that because they were cut off anyways because of the toxic abuse. Ever since we got engaged they started contacting us and going to my husbands restaurant and saying stuff to workers there asking if they know my FH and how he hates them. The wedding is a way for them to say omg can you believe that my own son didn’t invite me and my daughter and her kids to his wedding, “ how could any one do that their family” snd s million other things to make my FH look horrible when people don’t understand how bad the situation is. His sis a drunk and I’m sure she will come here before the wedding and the police will have to remove her. I’d stay away from people who are like that. For me I tried to be nice over the 3 years we had no where to live together but his moms and that was a huge mistake. Even tho they aren’t invited to the wedding they have managed to start issues and I wouldn’t be surprised if his brother says he will come to wedding and be a no show which is 4 seats. They would do that because it would financially screw us over but if I invite his brother and his girlfriend and kids then we will be horrible people even though they started playing games since we got engaged. They didn’t even have interest in talking to us until they heard the news and heard they weren’t invited. Tread carefully.!!

Don’t ask them to be bridesmaids. Youll have to interact with them a bunch if they are. Just ask them to be readers and get them corsages

If my sisters in law were causing me trouble like that, I wouldn't make them bridesmaids at my wedding. I don't need toxicity from ANYONE on my wedding day. I'm really sorry you're dealing with this. It doesn't seem like you guys have a good relationship at all, so I wouldn't bother. You may have chances in the future for bonding, but I wouldn't risk using your wedding as a backdrop to test that. All the best to you.

No! Don't make them bridesmaids. A bridal party is supposed to be your closest friends!