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Devoted September 2012

Have your in laws forgotten your birthday?

The Sealpups, on December 18, 2019 at 2:46 AM Posted in Family and Relationships 0 8
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I have been with my husband for years before we got married this year. His mom would either text me, leave a Facebook comment, or get me a small gift for my birthday. For her birthday, I would always be the one to coordinate (for both of us) on what card or gift to get her. For her birthday this year, I went out of my way after work to get her the cake she liked, printed off the wedding pictures she requested, etc...


This is the first time she’s forgotten my birthday. I’m actually not upset (surprisingly). She’s probably been super busy with Christmas stuff and it just slipped somehow. It would’ve been nice to get a nice text but that’s okay. If anything, I’m just more resentful towards my husband bc it’s HIS family and he should be the one coordinating cards-gifts but being the good girl I am, I’m so polite/proper with remembering people’s birthdays and giving them a card and small gift. We also had an incident with his sister where she never says “thank you” after everything get her baby small gifts here and there (clothes bc she’s constantly growing so quickly). We don’t give things to get a response but it’s rude when it’s not acknowledged, so we’ll be stopping with gifts altogether.

8 Comments

Latest activity by Alma, on December 18, 2019 at 1:28 PM
  • T
    Devoted September 2012
    The Sealpups ·
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    Edit: I’m realizing this is more about my husband and how I resent the gift giving bc if I can remember all his family members birthdays yet can’t remember mine, then I must be doing too much. That’s an honest thing to say... yet I’m not upset or offended that she forgot.


    I feel resentful bc my plan A personality likes to be organized with who we buy gifts for - Christmas and birthdays. He’s the stereotypical guy who buys a gift the day of and signs a quick card. I’m guessing when it comes to his grandma, mom, etc- he should be in charge. I hate to do the “your family vs mine” kinda thing but I guess we have to. What have you and your spouse done? Any system or process that helps?
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  • Jeanie
    Super February 2020
    Jeanie ·
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    Do whatever works for you. If it’s going to be too stressful or upsetting for you to buy gifts for his family, put that back on his plate and save your sanity. Either way, giving gifts should be about giving someone a little joy and happiness, not about the reciprocation of a gift. Unfortunately as you get older, people forget your birthday sometimes. It’s usually not any indication of their feelings towards you, it’s just life. Maybe next year you can remind your husband, and give him a little of the guilt trip of how his family forgot about you so he makes sure it’s acknowledged.
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  • Sarah
    Master September 2019
    Sarah ·
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    I think it’s fine for you to say that gifts and events for his family are his responsibility to plan, but I wouldn’t put too much weight in this. I’ve been with my husband for several years and his family and I get along great, but I don’t think any of them know when my birthday is. I handle gifts for everyone in both our families but that’s because I love picking out and giving gifts.
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  • Mrs. S
    Master November 2019
    Mrs. S ·
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    I tell my in laws happy birthday but they don’t even know when mine is. I’ve never even thought about it til I read this post. I don’t think it’s a big deal.
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  • R
    Super September 2018
    Rachel ·
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    I totally do not have this kind of relationship with my in laws. I have zero expectation of them knowing my birthday and vice versa.


    That said, are you giving these gifts because you love giving gifts? Or because you want great gifts in return? Perhaps reconsider why you’re giving all these gifts and if it makes sense to keep doing so. It’s very sweet of you to stay on top of it all, but to me it’s no worth it if it creates unsaid expectations and results in resentment.
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  • Hannah
    Dedicated October 2020
    Hannah ·
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    This happened to me this year with FMIL.

    But she has been very distant from me the last year or so, so I was not surprised.

    She did end up bringing me a gift a couple of weeks after, then made a snarky remark saying "I'll probably see this in your yard sale next year"...I was so taken back by her comment(and I actually did like the wax warmer she got me).

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  • MOB So Cal
    January 2019
    MOB So Cal ·
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    I've been married almost 33 years, and honestly, except for him, sometimes, choosing something for me on his own, there is no one in either of our families, nor our friends, who has ever received a gift or card from us unless I buy it. At the same time, there are other things he takes care of and I never have to think about them (like ANYTHING having to do with the cars, yard, repairs/maintenance around the house, etc., etc., etc.) and I very much appreciate that. Does it sometimes burn me that one of the people on his side who we've done the most for in terms of gift giving in those 33 years barely acknowledges that I exist? Yes, but that's on her. At the end of the day, I sort of buy all those gifts because I love his family, but I mostly do it because I love him. For us, marriage is about each of us playing to our strengths, so, together, we make a pretty awesome team. Good luck!

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  • Alma
    Devoted June 2022
    Alma ·
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    My FMIL forgot mine and she remembered a week later LOL

    no hard feelings she gave me a cute birthday card after finding out Smiley smile

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