Having to share my bridal shower

If you don't know her thoughts already, I would check in with your cousin to find out what her opinion is. I can understand where you're coming from. I wouldn't care for it either, and your cousin may feel the same. Push comes to shove, I'd probably go with it since then I wouldn't have to worry as much about whether the people I care about would have difficulty making it.

I would just have your own bridal shower, I'm sure your cousin wants her own day too.

My cousin told my aunt it didn't bother her sharing. And it's not really up to me to have the shower. I'm torn because I know it's a lot of money and stress to have two showers that close together and probably is easier on my family and I don't want to make my family have the burden with the extra expense of another party. I'm just trying to be positive but my aunt is pretty set in her way about this and doesn't seem to see where I'm coming from

You really have two options: roll with it because your aunt doesn’t seem like she’s going to change her mind or decline the shower all together and be prepared for them to choose not to throw you a separate one.

I think it's poor taste to throw two at once, it makes the aunt sound cheap. I'd be uncomfortable as a guest having to bring two presents and do everything twice. I'd be uncomfortable as a bride.
Is there really no one else that offered to throw you a shower? You might have to roll with it or not have a shower. Which if those were my choices I might be inclined to not have a shower but I'm pretty spoiled so maybe rolling with it is the better option.

Is this the only shower you'll have (so it will include a wide range of guests for both you and the cousin), or if you're having more than one shower, can this one just be family on that side? If you'll have another separate shower that friends and members of other parts of yours and FH's families can attend, I'd probably just roll with aunt's dual shower plan and focus on the relatives that you and cousin have in common. If this is the only shower you'll have, I can see how it might be awkward (and, very long, and potentially a very large guest list). If that's the case, can you talk with your mom and see if she'd be willing to host your shower separately? In general, I don't think the bride should ask anyone to host a party for them, but as a MOB myself, I'd definitely want daughter to talk with me if she wasn't comfortable with the plans being made. Good luck! I do understand your concerns.

She doesn't have to plan two events if you decline to have a joint shower. She merely needs to plan the shower for your cousin. Then either someone else plans a shower for you, or you don't have a shower.

Same for your family having the burden and expense of another shower. Presumably, they only get one gift for each of you, no matter how many showers there are, so there is no extra expense. As for the burden, is it really much more of a burden to go to two short showers than one long one?

And if you are inviting anyone who isn't a family member, it's much easier on them not to have a joint shower. If someone is just your friend, why should they have to buy a gift for your cousin, whom they don't even know?

I am sorry you aren't getting the shower you envisioned. It seems like your aunt is being kind and giving a shower you will have a wedding day where it can just be about you. I would much rather go to one shower than have to try and fit in two. You could still really have fun and really if you turn it down just because you don't want to share you only hurt your self. I would recommend go be thankful and have a great time.

View Quoted Comment As of now yes this is the only shower I'm having. To my knowledge my FH's family is not planning to throw a separate shower which is partial to why I'm so frustrated having to share this. And yes it will be a wide range of guests and feel like it is a lot and will be a long event. I agree with not asking someone to throw me another shower just to have one. Our aunt has four kids of her own so her money is tight and get where on her end would be expensive for two parties. My mom knows I strongly am not looking forward to this but she is a single mom and all her money is going towards my dress and helping FH and I pay for other expenses she wanted to contribute to. I just feel it would be extremely rude to ask someone else to throw me another shower just so I can have my own. I'm just hoping over time once my aunt realizes how many guests there will be since this is my only shower she may consider just doing a family only event.

I wouldn't want to share it either maybe you can just do a shower for only your friends in addition to this one?

View Quoted Comment Not to be rude but my aunt has four kids of her own so I get on her expense it's probably best for her. To my knowledge this is the only shower I am having and do not want to be rude by declining a shower my aunt is offering to throw me. I'm just thinking if we really have to have a shared shower it should be family only so no one feels awkward and the guests would be buying two gifts anyway.

View Quoted Comment Thank you. I agree and am thankful my aunt is throwing a shower but I think if that's the only shower I'm having we may just want to make it family only to reduce awkwardness for guests. If it's family only I think I'd be more okay. I definitely am not going to ask someone to throw me a separate shower just so I can have one of my own. I'm just trying to think of ways to be positive about this because we aren't close and don't want this to be a 4-5 hour event due to an extended guest list and having to open all the gifts

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I'm sorry and better understand, that given the circumstances, this will likely be your only shower. I think a very fair question for any bride to ask those who've offered to host a shower for her is what size guest list the host(s) are comfortable with. Depending on your aunt's answer, that may significantly change the size and focus of the shower. Perhaps she's just thinking about yours and cousin's common family members, and has no intention of hosting a large "mega-shower." I only had one bridal shower that was a mix of family & friends, but because we were older first-time parents with several different family/social groups we were part of by the time I was pregnant with daughter, we ended up having several small baby showers hosted for us. Each hostess just had a small, well-connected group in mind for the party she offered to host. If it becomes clear your aunt's dual shower will just include immediate family on that side, perhaps a BM or someone else will offer to host a shower for friends or whomever. Sorry your shower may not turn out to be exactly what you had in mind.

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Yeah, regardless of the circumstances, you never ask anyone to throw a shower for you. If you turn down your aunt, you may or may not get a shower, depending on whether anyone else volunteers.

If you feel comfortable with a family only shower you should suggest it. She might like the idea.

Do you have a bridal party or anyone else in your life that might want to throw a bridal shower for you instead of your aunt?

At this point I’d probably just say I didn’t want a shower. As she isn’t throwing YOU a shower she’s throwing a shared shower. So then it’s not really for either one of you. Which honestly I’ve seen before and I’ve seen it end badly.
One gets upset because the other got this or that and “got more attention” and the other gets upset because she wanted it to be her day. I’ve seen family and friends not bring gifts Or only bring gifts for one. It may make guests uncomfortable as they may not know you but feel obligated to bring a gift for you.
If you are already thinking it will upset you maybe don’t do it. As you will most likely be upset the day of the party and the mood is ruined.
I say this and I declined my aunt throwing me a party as it would be more as a church get together and family I don’t care to be around. So to avoid it not really being something for me and to avoid being uncomfortable and not really happy I said no thanks. So I’m comfortable with not having a party and such.

I love in TN and depending on when you come and what you are doing and where you stay it can get expensive quick to fly out here and party. Some places jack up the prices when they see a bachelorette party coming in too (especially Airbnb’s and places on the strip). I would recommend staying local to save on some expenses!
Oh and Maybe next time you come to TN go to Gatlinburg, TN it is really nice you can stay in cabins and there is so much to do and there is Dollywood near by!
Good luck hope this helps!

I say roll with it and just make the best of it!

You should alternate gift opening - you open one, she opens one. It would be much more fun.

Also, it's totally understandable that your aunts would want to throw one shower for essentially the same group of people. I would just be thankful that someone offered to throw one for you at all.