He dislikes my daughter and doesn't want to get married anymore

He had the house before we met. I moved-in with my daughters and I paid for the remodeling and the pool (still paying for it on credit).

I'm sorry, but cut your losses and go.

I've lost money on past relationships, and it sucks. But you have to protect you and your girls.

The greed in this guy is astounding.

@Lili

Go to a lawyer as soon as possible. Do you have all the paperwork from financing the repairs and your bank/credit card statements showing what you paid? Also, I suggest you write down what you paid for and what you agreed at that time for him to pay you back. Then try to get FI to sign and agree that that was your agreement. He probably won't because it looks like he selfishly planned to take advantage of you all along.

Sorry, but at this point you should forget about planning for a wedding and focus solely on protecting yourself financially.

Run. Now.

If you continue with this man your impressionable daughter will believe it's ok for someone to treat you this way- you do not want that insecurity placed on their fate.

I hope you'll seek your own counseling and get the hell out- money invested is not worth the pain this will cause in the long term.

Cut your losses and get out!

Thank you ereyone. I'm reading every single one of your answers.

If he refuses counseling hun its time to move on. NEVER pick or put a man above your children. I'm sorry this is happening but don't stay where you aren't wanted. I heard a tv judge say once NEVER LET A MAN TELL YOU MORE THAN ONCE THAT HE DONT WANT YOU. And for him to tell you he can't marry unless your 10 year old behaves is telling you just that.

Pack up your kids and get outta there fast. Use what you would for vendors and secure an apartment.

He's shown you who he really is and you should believe him. Especially if he is refusing counseling.

I am confused though, where are you located? Even if everything was fine and you got married tomorrow, the house was still acquired pre-marriage and would remain his if you got divorced. Do you have receipts for any of the work etc? Sounds like more hassle than it's worth. Cut ties and chalk it up to a lesson learned the hard way.

Get out. And get a lawyer ASAP.

Sounds like he wants out and is using your daughter as the excuse. If you love someone you except them... all of them, kids included and you say y'all have been together all this time.. why is she all of a sudden a problem? She is 10 and probably acting as a 10 year old should not to mention the drama of having a new man in her life that isn't her father. He needs to realize it's a big adjustment for her life as well and it sounds like he really needs to grow up.

You need to walk away from anyone who mistreats your kids. Get out. I wouldn't even go to counseling with this person. Your daughter deserves better.

I agree with @kirackle. Contact a lawyer and bring every single document you have to prove what you paid for in regards to the home. Also if you have put down any wedding deposits, see what you can do about cancelling and getting that money back. If you can't, add that to the "bill" of when you meet with the lawyer. If you can't afford to see one, check with your employee assistance program at work. A lot of companies have legal services you can use for free.

Good luck! And just to echo what others have said....move out.

The money you spent on the house is gone. That isn't going to change, no matter what you do from here on. It should not factor at all into what you decide to do. If I were you and I (and my daughter) were being treated this way, I'd demand counseling or break it off immediately.

I'm so sorry, this sounds like a terrible situation. I'm going to be brutally honest here, yes counseling may help but if my man is treating my daughter bad I'm dropping his ass like a bad habit. Neither of you deserve to be treated that way and I wouldn't spend a dollar more on a wedding to this man. I would talk to a lawyer and start making some moves. You are not foolish or stupid to be in this situation, I know from past experiences that love can make you blind as hell and you are only human. It would be stupid if you didn't get you and your family out of the situation. You are an example to your daughter at the end of the day and she should always come first.

I would be gone... you and your children are a package deal. If he can't handle that then he's not the one. I'm sorry you are going through this. I would find a new place to live and get out ASAP.

Sorry - I wouldn't salvage it. Kids are kids and they are not perfect (no adult is either for that matter). Calculate how much you spent on the renovations, move out, sue him for it and put a lien against the house.

I know you are hurt but put on a brace face for your girls. They are watching.

The house money is gone. It was given as a gift with no contract.

and btw, hes a cowardly selfish bastard to put the blame on your young child for him not wanting to get married. He knew what he was getting into when he met you. Kids are kids, hes a coward.

I don't want to come off harsh or insensitive. I understand where you are coming from and i feel your pain, frustration, and confusion with the situation. I don't know if he is reflecting his anxiety of getting married onto your daughter's behavior or if he and she really don't get along. Since he is against couseling, i would take that as a red flag. Look at moving out and soon. As far as the work you paid for on the house. Let it be a lesson and move on. What he has done isn't right or fair to you and the kids. You just need to take care of yourself and your family. Good luck.

SO MANY red flags here!

Run!

You and your daughter deserve so much better then this.

No amount of money is worth putting a man before your children's worth. It's an unfortunate situation, but you need to cut your losses and put your and your children's dignity first. If you can find some legal recourse after the fact then more power to you. But no matter how the chips may fall in the money department, I'm sure you already know in your heart that this relationship is a dead end.