He doesn't understand the sentiment behind the engagement ring.

I don't think you're ridiculous at all, because I think everyone wants that. But for me, I had to remember who I wanted to marry. Not the fairy-tale version of him. My FH is very romantic and sweet, but he really didn't put too much thought into our proposal. It was low-key, still perfect. He could have asked me to marry him in our living room in pajamas or on top of the Eiffel tower and I'd have said yes always. If you put too much pressure on your boyfriend to propose and make him think it needs to be this crazy romantic thing, that might not be his style. It might also be why he's hesitating on buying you a ring. I think I'd let him do his thing, you said you are more easy going on the ring he picks, so I'd let him pick it at his own pace, take the pressure off of the sentiment of it, and let him do it when and where he feels it's right. If you have a date and venue booked, he probably already feels the time ticking anyhow.

There is no "proper" proposal. You might want to temper your expectations on that one.

Some people don't see sentimentality in things that traditionally are sentimental. Doesn't make them wrong or mean, just means they have a different opinion.

That being said, if you feel this is a deeper issue than just the ring, maybe you should go to couples counseling with your bf, might help you guys to take that step to getting engaged or decide that getting engaged isn't the right step.

Last point: It really burns my biscuits when people say "my last wedding" or "my/his only wedding". As you know, being divorced, no one goes into a marriage aiming for divorce. No one knows what the future will hold. I'm sure lots of people who have been on here saying the same thing, are now divorced. I hope that this is your last wedding and your bfs only, but saying it like that just rubs me as rude to those whose marriages did not transpire how they hoped. Just food for thought.

I don’t think you’re being ridiculous at all, you have every right to feel the way you do.

this is a silly question, and I apologize if you covered this in your post, but have you talked him about why you feel so strongly? While he may think it’s not a huge deal, he may just not understand your point of view. If you haven’t been extremely clear about your feelings and why you feel that way, I would sit down and tell him. If you have, then I wish there was more that I can say aside from I hope he pleasantly surprised you :/

sending positive vibes and thoughts your way

View Quoted Comment Thanks Anna. I haven't spelled it out for him why it is so important that he care about the sentiment behind the ring and why I want a proper proposal. I guess I have had to spell everything out along the way, and I just hoped he'd realize the it would be nice if I didn't have to hold his hand and tell him how to propose to me. I've never had a proper proposal.

View Quoted Comment Good point. I'm not going to say no, regardless of how he proposes. He is the man I want to marry and spend life with. He asked for a little help, and I gave it, but I guess he and I are just on different pages when it comes to the sentiment behind the ring and romantic proposal.

View Quoted Comment That’s completely understandable! In a perfect world our partners would simply know what we want without us having to spell out every single little detail. We can wish, lol!

I know it’s dissappointing, but I would explain why everything is so important and why you want good quality ring, ect. Hopefully you don’t have to spell out the how, but maybe explaining the why will help the how move along smoothly.

You are not being ridiculous at all. That said, have you guys looked into moissanite? I would definitely check it out. It might be More in his budget and they look like diamonds and are around 9.25-9.5 on the Mohs scale, so very close to a diamond. Don’t get too hung up on the fact we have 5 weeks left of the year. If he proposes sometime in January I’m sure he will make it just as special. 😊

I waited 7yrs for my FH to give me a ring. I was OK with a “Promise Ring” if he wasn’t ready for an engagement ring- just an outward symbol of his love for me and him taking me off the market. He said “Ok but no diamonds” and then NEVER got one! I stopped wearing my costume ring & he was miffed bc of the guys attention when we went out and their assumptions that I was single...
I had printed out pictures, showed him ones on tv/shopping and was about to give up hope when he went and got the ring, while I was taking care of my Mom after a particularly nasty/almost deadly surgery. He then waited from February to my 40th Birthday, June 24, to propose in Irlend.

All I’m saying is maybe he DID find the rings and is giving you a hard time.... And my guy did balk a little at price point but he also knew that I am a “Ohhhhhhh shinny!!!” Girl where rings are concerned and so he shopped accordingly.

It sounds like the options you've given are waaaaay better than a lot of ladies and he should be happy, but maybe he’s concerned about marriage in general and that’s why he slow to warm to ring shopping has occurred.

We all want the grand gesture, and some guys are soooo clueless that even drawing a map won’t help! Maybe enlist some of your mutual buds to help give him ideas... and do a “Proposal” Pinterest board... I did lol!

Best of luck! And look at Blue Nile for diamonds and other stones as they have a stunning selection and are all sustainable/conflict free diamonds- and great price points!

I think you can only push him to get the ring & propose to a certain extent. After awhile, you might as well buy your own ring and tell him when/where to propose to you. I think you'll just have to put any wedding planning on hold, and wait for him to buy a ring and propose. I'm sure he will, people end up surprising you!

I wouldn't say how you feel is ridiculous because everyone is entitled to how they feel about a particular situation. However, it sounds like you want the process of engagement to go a very specific way and now that's it's not going the way you imagined down to the detail, you are disappointed. You have attached specific emotions to a ring and a proposal and because your fiancée doesn't feel exactly as you do, you've decided to metaphorically go in the corner and pout. Saying he doesn't feel you're worth a grand gesture is saying, if he doesn't do "this", then that means "this." You are attaching YOUR expectations to how he feels about you.

You've been with this man for 3 years - you should know him well enough to know whether he loves you and wants to marry you. How he proposes isn't the point. You are spending way too much energy on making your fantasy come true and not taking his feelings into consideration.

I get having dreams of how a proposal should go and what the ring should be like but the sentiment comes with any ring that is used when the person proposing is doing it because they truly want to. You are setting yourself up for a world of disappointment and it sounds like it's stressing him out. You say you don't care about the cost of the ring but it seems like you were disappointed in his reaction to the prices of rings. Maybe he had no idea how costly they ban be. Most men are pretty clueless and don't spend years dreaming about this stuff. Take a deep breath and just let it happen without pushing it on him.

My first husband handed me a family heirloom ring when I was falling asleep. He proposed because I was pregnant. Not because he wanted too. That ring has no sentiment to me. He was pushed into it. I would have preferred a cheap simple ring that was given to me out of a place of love and commitment not the I must do this thing.

I got extremely lucky this time around but I hadn't even thought he'd propose since we were both previously married. It was really nice being surprised and without all these expectations that we build up in our heads.

Thank you all for your perspectives. They are all very helpful. I always try to consider all perspectives of a situation before I make any final judgments, but I guess this one is so darn personal that I am keeping it too close to the vest!

I will check out the online ring retailers you mentioned for better pricing.

View Quoted Comment You're right! That's EXACTLY what my fear is: that he is only proposing because he said that's what he would do by a certain date. I never pushed him into the topic of marriage. He agreed to go venue shopping because he is the one who wants the traditional reception. I know he wants to marry me,but I guess deep down inside I am wondering if he will ever show even the slightest bit of romance just this once to make me feel like he has been paying attention to who I am.

He's a wonderful man, who has stepped up to be an incredible father figure to my son, without me ever asking of expecting that of him. I know he loves us; I just want some small act of romance on his part for the proposal. It can be at home with just us in our PJs, as long as he is thoughtful about it. I want to know that he cares enough to follow through with the engagement ring buying process on his own now, simply because he WANTS to ask of me the most flattering compliment a woman can receive.

I think you should reconsider picking out the ring together. Honestly, some guys are just totally overwhelmed by the thought of making this huge purchase for someone else without their input. My fiancé and I went shopping together just to look and I told him EXACTLY what I wanted, thinking he’d be able to pick from there, but in the end he still really wanted me to go with him and we made the final decision together. It took a lot of the pressure off, and it was a fun milestone for us to do together! I told him I still wanted a proposal and he still got down on one knee and asked once he had the ring. And even though it wasn’t a surprise, and it wasn’t this huge romantic gesture that he put tons of thought into, it was still a really special moment and still symbolized this big commitment that we’re making, which sounds like it’s the important part to you.

So I’d let go of your idea of the *perfect* proposal, and meet in the middle so that you’re both comfortable and happy. The more you keep pointing out the meaning of this ring, the more he’s probably freaking out to need to pick it himself!

So I always insisted on like 0 budget for the ring

i would have been happy with 50 bucks of gold

I am a Lord of the rings fan and years ago when others were getting married I used to joke that I would only marry whoever could get me the actual precious

Probably years later we even looked up one day who made the rings and learned about Jens Hansen in New Zealand

fast forward a couple of years again and he’s back on “legal” marriage ?as we already lived as spouses for years)

i said Too bad Gollum lost it because I actually would do it just to never hear this again

so apparently he immediately starting saving and ordered the ring from the actual jeweler who made the movie props and had them include special and unique extra like phots and letters.

im unaware of any of this, of course

My SO took me “ring shopping” the weekend before he proposed and probably had my ring in his pocket

he was a little too laughy that day and apparently received it the Wednesday before lol

I’m not suggesting that’s what’s happening but guys are unpredictable

even the predictable ones sometimes lol

18k solid gold (incredibly thick, heavy ring) cost 2000 thanks to duty changes under trump

You’re entitled to feel how you want. But the ring doesn’t matter because I would be happy with a plain old band.. I’m more interested in the man behind the ring... also whenever he does decide to propose it will a very memorable moment because it’s life changing. So relax and be patient.

View Quoted Comment

That's a really fun story and a cute ring! I guess guys can be unpredictable when it comes to things like this. I'm not sure that is the case with mine, but he could be trying to be stubborn and throw me off.

View Quoted Comment We all hope, for you, either he’s messing with you or gets the hint gracefully

sending postive vibes for your perfect ring

No youre not being ridiculous at all. If you’re expected to have the big wedding so he can have that experience that is important to him, he should be expected to get you a ring and a nice proposal that is important to you. You are going out of your way for what is important to him... he should be doing the same for you. Maybe try phrasing it like this to him?

You're not being ridiculous at all! Shopping generally isn't a guy's thing. What if you tell him having a ring that fits you best is important to you but you don't want to put pressure on him time-wise or with the "perfect" ring and suggest if he wanted to propose without a ring, or a temp ring, even a silly one, that's fine by you! You two can go shopping together later or you can even go and pick a few out for him to choose from. Maybe that'll ease his stress?

My fiance proposed with a "temp" ring which surprised the heck out of me because I thought maybe we'd start having serious marriage chats in a few months. Nope, he wanted to surprise me and said I can pick out my own ring. We enjoyed being engaged for months and eventually went to several stores. I think I got my ring 6 months after being engaged but fine by me! I have a ring I love and neither one of us felt pressured into that process.