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Just Said Yes September 2022

He Lied and Gaslit Me It's Over

H.adam, on June 2, 2023 at 6:36 AM Posted in Family and Relationships 0 4

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I'm hoping to find other people out here right now to help me through this hellish nightmare that has been 2023.

My husband of 9 months has been having an emotional relationship with the woman he told was just a friend/business relationship for the past several months. He's lied to me for 7 months of our marriage and is the reason I eneded up on anti-anxiety meds. I'm absolutely devastated. We've been together for almost 7 years and my mother died in February. How do those of you out there stay strong?
I know he won't change. He's shown no remorse and continues to talk to her. He has zero intentions of fixing his behaviors. In fact, he doesn't believe he's done anything wrong. I'm not going to stand for this and deal with this kind of mental abuse. I've already contacted a lawyer and I haven't been to the house or spoken to him since I confronted him. I just want to know how to make it stop hurting so damn much and how to start feeling better.
Thank you everyone.

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4 Comments

Latest activity by Maramayo, on June 6, 2023 at 6:10 PM

Rockstar October 2023
Michael · on June 3, 2023 at 3:13 AM
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I can't imagine the pain, but other people have been through that and worse. They still get through the tough times.
It could help to find some recreation or activity to get you out around other people. Art stuff. Sports. Religion. Summer classes. Go to a restaurant with live music and bring a friend with you. Be determined to get through this and show you are a survivor.
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CM · on June 3, 2023 at 10:17 AM
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I’m so sorry, both for this as well as the loss of your mother. This has to be devastating for you, especially under these circumstances. What was the extent of the emotional affair? How was the relationship with H before all this? Does H know that you plan to divorce him? Would you consider an ultimatum, ie marriage counseling or else?

Either way I’d recommend getting some counseling help for yourself. This is a lot to handle on your own.
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Dedicated March 2024
Laura · on June 4, 2023 at 12:47 AM
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Hey, you’re not alone and better now that he showed you his true self. I’m sorry for your loss and the fact that he doesn’t have any consideration for you. I agree with the previous message. Try going to classes or enrolling in a sport. You need to be the strongest you can and pick yourself up. When I have been heartbroken I try to go out and rely on friends and people who love me. Where are you located? If this helps, my group of girlfriends and I always try to bring someone new every time we go out with the purpose of meeting new people and expand more the circle. You could join too! Let me know. Also, there is this app I used to use called “Meet up”. It’s to know friends and make connections. You can enroll in different meet ups like beach volleyball or dance classes. They even have empowerment meetings, meditation, yoga classes everything you can think of !
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Dedicated May 2024
Maramayo · on June 6, 2023 at 6:10 PM
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First, I'm sorry you're going through this. It's awful.
My fiancé did some similar things a while back, the difference is he's remorseful and working on changing his ways (including therapy). We're still engaged and still plan to marry. There are a lot of emotions tied to that decision, but it was the right one for me.
Things that helped me (not the relationship, just me):
- Therapy for myself
- Lots of reading! I searched "betrayal" and just dug into all the info I could find on the web.
- Still reading a book called "The State of Affairs" by Esther Perel. It's been helpful in moving past the pain and trying to find my new normal.
- Beyonce's Lemonade album... don't laugh, it's been helpful.
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