He wants to postpone... :(

I am so sorry that he did this to you so close to the wedding!! I would be very cautious about taking him back, should he change his mind, as the things he's said and the way he said them are very cutting and insensitive (to say the least!) and so 'final'.

Lauren- I've only glanced at the responses you've gotten so far, but here are my 2 bits. At one point my FH acted like he was starting to think along the same line as your FH and here's where I went w/ it. I asked him 'What don't you know about me?'. B/c if he felt like he knew everything about me then I would not 'go back' to dating. Dating is for getting to know. Now is the time for commitment... or moving on.

When faced w/ that question, in that way, FH realized that there wasn't any question about what he was doing. And he also realized that he was letting some other outside factors get in his head- so we talked them through and we are soooo much stronger now for all of that.

But you know- even if it hadn't gone this way, I would have known that I did things right. I wasn't prepared to drag out anything. That wouldn't have been fair to either of us in the end. Be brave - you'll make it through this.

I say why not postpone it it will be hard yes but like the other ladies said before both of you have to feel that it is the right thing to do. Just give it some more time. If it was meant to be it will be.

Lauren sweetheart, you are ABSOLUTELY NOT BEING SELFISH. Please throw that idea on the ground and stomp on it, OK? Politely decline (as you have already done) any face to face contact and let him know that it was his decision to take some time and give him space. You are right, seeing him will only pour salt in your wounds and make you all upset. Since he is the one initiating the conversations, I think it would even be wise to cut all contact (no phone calls, FB messages or texting) for a few weeks. This gives him “true space” to reflect on his requests…and it will give him a really great example of how life would be without you. IMO it is only putting a band-aid on the problem by allowing him to still talk to you when he was the one that wanted the space…..once again having cake and eating it. And the whole thing about you just wanting some time with him….its like I’m looking myself in the mirror 3 years ago!!

My ex always wanted time for himself or with his family/friends and I was never invited to participate. And then when I asked for time for just the two of us (like a movie or dinner), he answered the same as your guy that I was asking too much of him. Now being in the relationship I have with my FH, we are one another’s first priority. When plans are made, we are ALWAYS each others first choice in company, and then everyone else are the add-ons. YOU SHOULD NEVER BE THE AFTER THOUGHT! Ugh, my heart goes out to you and I wish I could be there to give you a big hug in person.

Completly agree with Bella. When you get married it should be beause your FH is so crazy about you he wont take no for an answer

I'm so sorry you have to go through all this.

I really hope everything works out for you

*hugs*

I havent read all the responses, but my first thought was the red flag when he said he loved you when you guys were happy. Love or marriage is NOT about being happy all the time. Love is mroe than a feeling, its a choice. Some days, weeks, years even, you may choose to love someone in a marriage even if things are realy rough. If he is not sure if he loves you now, when things havent been terrible or anything-how on earth will he love you in the future when things actually get bad or life gets really tough?

Sounds like you two do need to step back for a bit.. but don't look at it like a bad thing, look at it like a necessary precaution to make sure you aren't jumping into something you shouldn't! I know it's horribly close to the wedding, but he's obviously been putting this off for some time and he needs to figure out what the real issue is... if he's unhappy, why? I wouldn't let him try to figure it out on his own, maybe more counseling would help? Marraige is designed for two people to work together, not for one to wait while the other makes up their mind (although love would allow it).

Hi Lauren, I wasn't engaged, but went through something similar last year. I was with my ex for 5 1/2 years, he kept promising an engagement and talked about our future. Then one day, I woke up to a break up letter. He kept his true feelings inside and rather than talk about them, he let things build. What kept me going through my hard time was the support of ladies here and the numerous comments from women who went through something similar and found someone so much better for them. Well, 5 months later, that came true for me and I'm happier than I've ever been.

(Cont)

I think some space from him will help you see things for how they really are. A man (or woman) should not make you feel insecure or give you doubt about yourself. Honestly, I don't see how you can go back to just dating after this. I know that's hard to hear, but he sounds selfish and you really deserve better. You've gotten a lot of great advice here.

*big hugs*

If my fiancé did this to me now or last month that would have been the end. I would have been heart broken but if he doesn't want to spend time with you and never told you he wasn't happy he is not mature enough emotionally to be in a relationship.

Will it hurt more than anything else you have ever felt, yes, are you worth it, and do you deserve to be put first by the man you marry. Yes.

Wow, this is so heartbreaking; I am so sorry to hear you are going through all of this. I agree with what everyone else is telling you.

Do what is best for you. Believe that you are worth someone wanting to spend all their time with. This guy *might* not be your future and the one thing I would hate for you to come away with is that you are less of a person. What I can tell from your posts' is that you are a beautiful person and a strong woman; if this guy can't realize that, then it sounds like he isn't the one for you. Everyone has given you solid advice, but you have to do what is true to your heart. Really sit down and think about it -- alone. The answer is there, inside of you. Everything he is telling you is something that you are reacting to and pointing you in the direction that is best for you. Believe in yourself, you will make the best decision for you, I'm sure of it. Good luck & hugs to you!

I am very sorry to hear that, take Jamie's advice. Best of luck to you

Sweetie I am so sorry to hear that, the first thing that comes to m ind for me is could there be someone else that he met and is potentially seeing. I mean he's never voiced his concerns until now there is definitely something he's not telling you. Apparently you had know idea that you were growing apart until he said you were this is odd behavior and a red flag he definitely owes you an explanation, he cant go around playing with your emotions this is not a game and whatever game hes playing on you needs to stop. To be honest with you if it was me he would definitely get an ultimatum. I know that you may love him but maybe he doesnt love you in the same we he used to for one reason or another and he probably just wants his cake and eat it too.

I'm so sorry about your situation! I don't know you, but I'm devastated for you. I think you need to know exactly what the problem is. It may surprise you, at the very least, you deserve to know the real reason why - whatever it may be. I would hold your head up high, decide what YOU want and if YOU could go back to a relationship with him and trust him again. At the least I think you need time NOT being with him to figure it out. what hurts terribly right now might save you from worse later. You're right, you can't have it both ways... relationships may have hiccups, but the path should still journey forward. You are worth a man who wouldn't give you up for anything!

I could be wrong but I think when he said he wants to postpone the wedding but still wants to "date" you he was adding the part about the dating in order to soften the blow. Maybe he just wants to see other people but still keep in touch, go out occasionally with you too. But he needs to decide because it's not nice to play with people's emotions. See if you can get more information out of him. Good luck!

I wish you the best, yes it will hurt as any other heart break would, but you will come out of this stronger and wiser, give yourself time to heal, once you are well with yourself you can make a decision whether to go back to dating or to move on.

I think its a good thing you found this out now. The last thing you want is to think o he'll get over this and be divorced in a year. Or have him not show up at all... I dont know if you can go back to dating because by saying im not ready to commit isnt he saying i want to experience other ppl and im not ready for just you.. and you dont want to wait around for that. " I loved you when we were happy "... Don't marry someone who doesn't want to marry you.

I think you got the opportunity to avoid a huge disaster of being stuck in a bad marriage.

Figured I'd give you all an update. It's officially over. I tried to "date" or whatever he wanted to call it. That included him working all the time, then working on his things after work, and coming home whenever he felt like and then working on things around the house. I of course tried not to complain that I felt like I wasn't getting put first ever b/c he finally told me that it made him mad when I said these things and that I needed to change that. He basically wants to do what he wants when he wants to do it.. and if I ever need/want anything it doesn't matter. I don't see how someone can go from being the nicest guy in the world and doing anything for me...to some guy I don't know at all. It's so hurtful. Hurts worse than anything in the world. I'm unable to keep any food down and barely get any sleep. I hope I can get through this fast. I'm trying to keep myself busy but it's still super super hard. I just don't know how to get over this or if I even can.. I'm just making