Help! COVID positive bridesmaid

I would have her get retested 3-4 days before the wedding and determine your course of action from there. If she's testing positive, that's a no brainer, but if she's negative, it's really your decision.

That isn't really her choice. It is your wedding and if you and your family aren't comfortable with her being there then I would just tell her you're sorry, but unfortunately it would be in everyone's best interest if she stayed home.

If doctors clear her to go to the wedding and she tests negative multiple times before the wedding, then I think it's up to you on whether you would like her to attend. However, if she isn't cleared by doctors and/or doesn't test negative multiple times, then for everyone's safety, I would ask her to not attend. If you do allow her to attend, are you requiring masks? That may help ease some concerns.

View Quoted Comment Totally agree with Caytlyn

It's your wedding so YOU get to make the decision, not her, not your parents.

If she tested positive yesterday, she should be recovered by 10/31. Have her get tested again (I think they like to have 2 negatives to confirm a recovery). Two weeks from 10/8 is 10/22 and I believe the CDC has said you're safe to leave isolation once you've been symptom free for...48? 72? hours (double check). Either way, that's plenty of time.

If she's negative/recovered the week of your wedding, then I would say she's good to come. If she has antibodies, even better.

If she is still positive by the time the wedding comes around then of course she shouldn't come. But if she get's over it, retest, and comes back negative then I would say let her come

I would have her retested before the wedding to see what her test says. I’m the 30th this month and basically I’d have until the 15th for a 14 day isolation. I’m immunodeficiency and a few other things that could land me in the hospital with covid. However given that, I’ve spent timeless amounts of time at Drs during all this, nothing covid related. I have also been around my bridesmaid who’s MIL had covid and she didn’t get it at all after her MIL got better and she was around her and she’s now 6 months prego and she still hasn’t had any issues nor has her MIL. Everyone is different and it’s your wedding so ultimately it’s your choice. The best person honestly to talk to is a dr, one you trust. I spent a lot of time talking with my immunodeficiency dr about covid and safety and my hubby to be is a chef who started working again which is nervous for me but so far, I’ve been okay and I’ve also been around a women who’s husband died from covid and she never ended up getting it. If she tests negative and wears a mask and what not it should be okay. You would do something like but those plastic rubber bracelets in colors and each could mean something like green means I’m friendly, yellow means I’m cautious and like red for stop, stay 6 feet I’m scared. That’s always a way to let guests see who’s comfortable or okay to mingle and what not with and who’s more scared and wants space. Many nurses and drs work wirh these people infected ( my moms a dentist so she deals rught with droplets) and they haven’t gotten sick because they are being safe and clean and what not. I bring that up because it shows things can be done if done carefully without there being issues. Again it’s up to you and if you don’t feel comfortable then explain to her and if it’s not you who’s uncomfortable then explain that people can distance from her and explain to her why they are.

View Quoted Comment I completely agree! I’ve been around people who either work front line with covid patients or have been around family who’s gotten it and recovered. My bridesmaid MIL had it and since she’s recovered, no issues... no one has gotten it and she hasn’t had any issues with it returning and my bridesmaid is pregnant like 6 months so she’s Hugh risk and I have immune system issues and everything and so far I’ve been okay and not gotten sick by following guidelines. I mentioned a wrist band color system that has colors that indicate how comfortable you are with social interaction which may help ease things if she re tests negative and others are still scared.

Yeah if she's quarantined or treated for covid and by then she's cleared and negative then i don't see it as a problem. hope she is ok!

Thank you for the responses. Let me include part 2 and see if anything changes for you guys. She also lives in Colorado, and here in NY anyone entering in from one of Cuomos states on his travel advisory list is supposed to quarantine 14 days in NY before attending an “event”. She does not plan to quarantine and does not plan on filling out the travel slip that is provided at the airports. She plans to arrive October 28th. And her dress is about 2 sizes too small and said she’s not paying to have it altered because her grandma here in NY can fix it. Any thought changes with this information ?

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It is not anyone's decision but you need to think of keeping all of your guests safe. It sucks but at the end of the day that is the risk of having a wedding during this time. I will say my FH had corona and it is not just 10-14 days he had it and kept testing positive for one month and had the symptoms. Really she should be the smart one and stay away. If I had COVID I would not even consider coming if I did not test negative prior.

I hate to sound like a jerk but this is serious and you have to think, would you want to be the wedding where people catch COVID? I think of that wedding in Maine and I would be devastated if that was my wedding. Not saying it will get to that point but I would not want one person to catch it whether they have a compromised immune system or not because they blame will be on you and your FH. If she is negative closer to then you can make the decision but if not then for the safety of everyone she needs to sit this one out.

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Based on her flagrant noncompliance I don't know that I would even trust her to get a test and share the real results prior to traveling. Leaving the dress alterations out of it (because that's not a health and safety issue), I would implore her to stay home to keep everyone (including the strangers she encounters while traveling) safe.

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Well yeah obviously if she's still positive she shouldn't go. But theoretically she could be cleared by then, so that's why I think it's too early for OP to make that determination.

You hear about the 65-person Maine wedding where people got corona, but not the 50-person Maine wedding my coworker hosted the same weekend where no one got corona. Or the 60-person PA wedding I went to the following weekend where no one got corona. Or the 50-person wedding my ILs went to over LDW where no one got corona. So yeah things like that do happen, and it would suck if it was you, but it's also true that those are the ones you hear about and not the ones where people go and it's fine.

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Does NY have a testing alternative to quarantining?

I traveled and I don't like the restrictions either but I got tested before I left. She shouldn't be traveling if she is actively infected but again, if she has recovered by then, I wouldn't have a problem with that.

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I completely agree that hers could be fine. My point is I would not want to take that risk knowing someone is positive. If she is cleared by then, okay the OP makes the final decision...not her wedding party of her guests but if she is not cleared then I think regardless of what her bridal party thinks it is safer she stay home.

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Oh 100%! If she is still sick she should totally stay home.

I hope one of the things that comes from all this is that people do stay home when they're sick...no sniffling folks in the grocery store or church.

View Quoted Comment I agree with you on this. If she tests negative and cleared by doctor she should be okay

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For real. When FH was sick I did all the shopping or anything so he could stay at home. We social distanced in the house (good times air mattress lol) but yeah better than spreading it. I do hope the bridesmaid gets better and she can go no worries.

View Quoted Comment No. Regardless of a previous positive test NY mandated anyone traveling in from one of Cuomos states he has on his list is to quarantine for 14 days before attending any type of event. She does not plan to come here 24 days prior or full out the required travel slip. If caught NY is dishing out fines $5,000-$10,000

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A previous positive isn't what I meant by testing alternative, should have specified. I live in CT, which has a similar setup to NY. Anyone who travels from a restricted state to CT is supposed to quarantine *or* test negative up to 72 hours before traveling. So when I went to GA last month, I got a test (and tested negative) the day before my flight and I did not have to quarantine when I got back. It isn't publicized all that much so I didn't know if NY did something similar.

People who are sick shouldn't be flying/going to weddings/etc. If she is recovered, I would have no problem with her coming, whether she followed the "rules" or not. But if you can't trust her to tell the truth on the test, then that would be a problem.

However, it really sounds like someone is going to tell on her for not following the mandate. I would warn her that there are probably "snitches" on your guest list and that it's on her if she gets in trouble.