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Dedicated October 2022

Help! Etiquette advice

Christina, on October 17, 2021 at 1:16 PM Posted in Etiquette and Advice 0 7

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My FH and I are eloping to Colorado next year and we are able to have 25 guests in attendance. We have spoken with our nearest and dearest and let them know that we would love for them to come IF THEY ARE ABLE. We know it’s asking a lot and completely understand if they can’t make it. My FH and I are planning to treat our guests to a nice dinner following our ceremony. I am getting a feeling from some family members though that us paying for their lodging is expected which makes me wonder what else is being expected of us. My FH and I will be paying for our lodging, transportation, and everything included in our elopement package (includes hair/makeup for me ONLY). The whole purpose of us eloping was to be stress free and save money, and now I’m over here stressing. I did not plan on paying for anything for our guests aside from dinner/drinks on our wedding night and transportation on the day of. Am I wrong? What are we responsible for? What are guests responsible for? How do I gently but firmly let our guests know? Any help navigating this situation would be so helpful.

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Latest activity by Christina, on October 18, 2021 at 5:50 PM

Jm Sunshine · on October 17, 2021 at 1:35 PM
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If you are having 25 guests, then you are not eloping (an elopement would be the 2 of you and a witness). You are having a destination wedding/minimony. That said, either way, you are not responsible for paying for accommodations/transportation for your guests. However, aside from hosting a reception, it is a nice gesture to host a welcome dinner and/or day after brunch for guests who will be traveling and paying for several days of accommodations.
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Rockstar October 2023
Cece · on October 17, 2021 at 1:56 PM
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You are not responsible for the cost of your guests transportation and/or lodging for a destination wedding. I wouldn’t address the subject unless your guests ask directly who is paying. I would simply create a website that contains the information about where guests can book rooms (creating a hotel block for them would be a good idea), and include the website address on your save the dates. I would also include a details card in your invitation suite that gives lodging information as well.
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Champion December 2022
Michelle · on October 17, 2021 at 2:01 PM
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An elopement is the couple plus their witnesses and officiant, no one else. 25 guests is a small wedding. You are only expected or required to cover your own costs and reception expenses (all food, drinks, entertainment). Everything else is guests’ responsibility. They cover their travel costs. If they want you to pay for them beyond food and drinks, they are free to decline the invitation.
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Just Said Yes November 2021
Gina · on October 17, 2021 at 7:02 PM
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We had the same idea as you with a 2 month wedding planning timeline, however, due to logistical reasons, we are now hosting a destination microwedding. Our guest count is around 32 people (max of 40 per venue contract) and we are paying for the typical wedding expenses (ceremony, reception, hair/makeup, etc.). We aren't paying for anyone's lodging, transportation, makeup, etc. except our own. We did make a wedding website that has a tab for accommodations. I listed 4 hotels that had availability and good ratings, but no room blocks or anything like that. I also listed VRBO and AirBnB websites for guests as well since hotels are booked/$$$ in our destination area. We also aren't doing a rehearsal dinner either- we're already over budget and honestly felt it was not necessary for our tiny wedding party of 4. We also let people know that we didn't want gifts and that their attendance would be the best gift since it is expensive to attend. Hope this is helpful!
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Savvy May 2022
Maya · on October 17, 2021 at 8:27 PM
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Do you have a wedding website? You could post something like "your presence is our present. We understand it is expensive to pay for you to have to travel and pay for lodging. We don't want you to spend anything more. Please come gift free!"
My cousin's wedding was in Italy and they posted something like that on their wedding website. That is a passive way of letting people know you are not paying for their lodging.
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Dedicated March 2022
Renee · on October 18, 2021 at 9:35 AM
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You are definitely not responsible for accomodations or travel expenses for a destination wedding.
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Dedicated October 2022
Christina · on October 18, 2021 at 5:50 PM
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Thanks everyone!! I appreciate the advice. I am currently working on our wedding website. I have added some top-rated hotels from the area in different price ranges. I’m gonna add a little blurb clarifying things for everyone though.
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