Help! Fiance keeps setting pre-wedding fitness/health goals, and then doesn't stick to them longer than a few days.

He hasn’t been working out either? Could you guys also work out together?

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We will occasionally go to the gym together, take a 30-45 minute walk/run together, or do a HIIT workout at home together. He used to work at our gym, so I know he has the tools (and the membership) to go. We don't do it every single day, but his thought process is that because his new job is pretty physically taxing (on his feet and moving around pretty much all day), he doesn't need to work out as hard because he's burning a lot of calories. Keep in mind this is the same job that brings in catering and fast food all the time...

I've hit my goal weight and am working on maintaining right now so I can fit in my dress, but he's fluctuating between gaining and losing what seems like the same few pounds, and it's upsetting him.

I sympathize with you on this. When I graduated university and got an office job I went from being really active to not going to the gym for a few months because I had less control over my schedule and it was more difficult to fit it into the day. We also had people bringing baking and other food into the office daily, which didn't help. I ended up putting on about 15 pounds because of this. My FH was good about it because he never told me that he thought I was fat, but gently encouraged me to find the time to get my butt back to the gym because he knew I was unhappy about the weight gain. Thankfully once I started working out regularly I just stopped wanting to eat all of the food at work and was good about bringing my own healthier food with me.

You're doing everything you can to help your FH, it really just comes down to him wanting to put in the effort enough. One other thing that did help me was FH offering to go to the gym with me or design a workout plan for me (he used to be a personal trainer).

First congrats on making your goal! I know you said you do the meal prep, maybe prepare some healthy snacks to go with it too. That way he has them on him too? Otherwise try to go to the gym together more often; my FH and I do that together.

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That's exactly how it was for me too! I was taking a yoga class and student teaching a separate class, so I went from being extremely active to sedentary in the course of a week. When we got together over a year ago, he was actually the one who encouraged me to fulfill my fitness goals (I've since lost about 25-30 pounds over the last year and finally hit my goal weight a month ago). We've tried creating workout plans together, and it last for a few days before he decides that it's not giving him what he needs (although I'm not exactly sure what it is he needs). I recently got him a portable pull-up bar for his birthday (his idea!) and he's started doing a few reps every time he walks through the doorway. I'm just concerned that he's not going to see the results he wants to over the next 2 months and he's going to give up entirely.

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Thank you! On occasion we'll add in little baggies of banana chips or pretzels, but lately he's been taking a protein bar as an extra snack to go with his lunch. Sometimes he sneaks a little bit of the catering food they have at work that sends him over his intake limit.

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I totally get this, I work in an office and my co-workers frequently bring in treats and sweets which are a weakness from me. During the holidays I would have a few because I realized denying myself completely would just make me eat more of them/ want them even more. But now I'm back on track but it's hard when they are available so I try to keep pretzels or I really like the little cutie oranges since they are sweet so they almost replace sweets for me instead.

I can sooooo relate to this!!! My FH is the same exact way! We don't live together, so I don't completely regulate his meals, but I cook dinner (and sometimes lunch) for him as often as I an to encourage healthier living, but we can't control them when we're not around. I had to have a talk with my FH after he was complaining yet again that he was gaining weight. I told him that I still found him attractive and I didn't think he was fat at all, BUT if he was so concerned and wanted to lose weight, I would be more than happy to (due to health stuff, I'm on a highly restrictive diet and I've learned a lot about what affects weight in the past 3 years). I've finally got him to stop eating so much processed nonsense when I'm not around and he's already feeling better.

Does your FH eat the lunch that his work provides, or your meal prepped lunch? If he is serious about wanting to lose weight, as I'm sure you know, he will have to try to hold off on partaking of the office food (the struggle is real, my work is constantly bringing in pizza and doughnuts and cookies and whatnot). I also agree with Kelsey, you could try getting him healthier snacks for the drive home so he doesn't buy unhealthy ones. If you're trying to cut carbs, he could have meat sticks or jerky or carrot sticks. If you're just trying to eat healthier overall, he could have trail mix or just pack regular nuts, apples, grapes, banana... ya know. Fruits, nuts, and vegetables make great snacks. Or fruits with nuts like apples + natural peanut butter. Yum!

What kind of healthy eating/diet are you trying to encourage? A lot of "bloat" or "stomach" weight can be lost simply by getting rid of or diminishing sugar intake and processed foods. I swear by the low carb lifestyle but that's more of a lifestyle than a diet, and it's definitely not for everyone! Healthy eating can be something as simple as drinking more water and less soda/coffee, or swapping out a bag of chips for a bag of nuts or an apple. If he is serious about feeling this way, I encourage you to sit down with him and tell him that you don't think that he's fat, but if he wants to lose weight, he has to start paying more attention to what he eats. What we eat is far more crucial to our overall health than what we do. Working out all the time doesn't off-set an unhealthy diet. Exercise is important, but I think swapping his diet should take priority.

Whew. Sorry. Thanks for coming to my Ted Talk lol

My fiancé will bring up that he’s “fat” a couple times a week, I’ve offered to work out with him (I’m a fitness instructor) but he’s not interested. Like you said, he’s a grown ass man, if he wants to do it, he will. The last thing you want is to nag him like you’re his mom.
When my fiancé says he’s fat, I say he’s gorgeous and I love him but if he wants to work out or wants me to make different meals just let me know and I’ll support him anyway I can. I don’t push the issue

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So what happens is he has a certain calorie intake that he limits himself too, and a certain calorie limit that he wants to burn everyday. It seems that he's eating the meals I make for him, AND eating something from the catering carts. We occasionally pack baggies of banana chips and pretzels, and he takes a protein bar as a snack. As for diet, it's more vegetables and protein, less sugar and processed stuff. So for lunch he'll have salmon or chicken with vegetables, and with dinner we'll have ground turkey or beef with vegetables. Turkey bacon and eggs in the morning with one or two slices of bread. We drink LOADS of water, but I don't really know how much he's eating at work or what exactly he's eating.

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Right! I love the man to pieces, and he is relatively healthy overall, but like you said, the last thing I want to do is nag him about goals he set for himself. No one is forcing him, and maybe something will click for him soon. He sees a few pounds of weight loss as progress (which it is!) but then he kind of backtracks with the mindset of, "I'm doing a good job, I deserve this."

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Hey, sounds like you're doing all you can! Veggies and meat for the win! And congratulations on meeting your goals and eating healthy!

Depending on if he's actually overweight vs if he's just outside the normal range for his body type, it'll take a while to lose weight even on a great diet if you guys have been eating better for a while, so I'm not sure he could realistically lose 20 pounds by your wedding date (unless he has a lot of weight to lose), but I think he could feasibly hit 10 if he dedicated himself to the diet and exercise you guys seem to do.

I'm with the PPs, you are being AWESOME as a FW and at this point, if he's really upset about his weight, he's gotta face the fact that he has to make a change. You're doing everything in your power.

View Quoted Comment Yeah I definitely hear you. I’d focus on supporting when and where you can and just stay out of it the rest of the time. Like I’d never say “are you sure you want to eat that” but i definitely would suggest i make a healthier dinner for both of us like “how about I make this new salmon recipe tonight?” Then it’s more casual and he’s not gonna feel like it’s an attack on his diet or willpower
Good luck!

I would ask what he needs from you in order to best help him? Does he need you to play food police or does he just need you to ask if he wants to join for a walk? You might need to set some boundaries around it if it continues where he complains to you but then doesn’t change things which causes you to get frustrated. Because at the end of the day he’s an adult and responsible for himself.

This could be an exact description of my husband. There’s nothing you can do except shop for groceries and cook the best you can. He has to make his own decisions and be responsible for himself. If he doesn’t, he won’t reach his goals and he’ll either learn or continue what he’s doing.

It is impossible to force other people to diet or workout. I would ask him why he wants to lose weight. Maybe he just doesn't want it enough. If he insists he want it, then ask how you can help. It has to come from him or he will continue to cheat.

I totally feel you because I was the same way as your husband. LOL! I grumbled and complained everyday that I was starving. LMAO! But, my hubby still made salads for our lunch and had me eating a healthy dinner and we also went to the gym 3x a week. By the time our honeymoon came I couldn't eat as much as I wanted since my stomach shrank. Now we still go to the gym and eat fairly healthy.

HI, i think all of us wants to loose weight which is the hardest of all. My Fiance- he is so disciplined in going to gym almost everyday and this is nothing new, before I met him he is already going to gym which he said will make him feel better however, he is a meat lover. His work requires physical labor so forget about changing his diet, LOL! he lost 6 lbs and now he gained 3 lbs. His goal is to loose 20 lbs before our wedding in 6 months. We often joked around that we certainly accept the fact that we will loose; "nothing" after gym and laughed about it. We often say to each other; "I am fat"- then he says' no you're not, and then vice versa!. I think as long as we are happy on that day and hang loose, it should be ok. it takes serious discipline to loose weight. Gym is like our time together- every Sunday we go together and he is expecting that already. He goes 4 a.m. weekdays and I cannot just join him that early, lol! He does watch what he eats and sometimes I am the culprit coz i crave ice cream. But I am trying to be good. I think, it is on him and as long as you don't pressure him then it is pretty much on him if he achieves his goal or not. But again- it is important to be happy

Same thing happened to my husband, but he actually was pretty overweight lol. 18 months before our wedding he was 195lbs and the reason he decided to get in shape was because he wouldn’t let me frame any of our engagement photos because he thought he looked fat in all of them, and then realized he didn’t want to feel that way about our wedding photos too.


He started working out on his own for a few months. He’d lose 20lbs then gain 10. Similar to what you’re talking about. When I realized he had completely plateaued and was just going back and forth with weight, I got him a few sessions with my brother’s personal trainer as an early Christmas gift (my brother is really into fitness and I knew his trainer was good, AND that my husband was more likely to go because he could go to some classes with my brother lol).

The trainer helped him SO MUCH. By our wedding he was 139lbs and literally had visible abs, which I was totally not expecting 😂 But seriously it was 100% the trainer that made the main difference. Partly because he taught him how to work out better, but honestly I think it was mostly because the trainer held him accountable! I was so sick of “moming” him, telling him not to have unhealthy snacks, bugging him to go to the gym, etc. The trainer basically did that for me hahaha. He was more likely to listen to the trainer, and I’m sure the trainer gave more qualified advice than me anyway. AND then I didn’t have to be a nag anymore.

If you can afford it I’d highly recommend investing in a trainer even just for the couple months before your wedding. It can make a huge difference! At the beginning he was losing 2lbs per week.

I hear you.... although mine needs to shed about 15lbs. He does what yours does...lasts a couple days and that’s it. I’m just letting him go at this point. He needs to get to a point with himself that he doesn’t like and then he’ll work on it. I just focus on shedding a few more myself especially since my dress just came in. Good / Happy times :-)