Help: Fiancé wants communion during ceremony and i don’t

Well it’s not about what others want.

This is you and your FH’s day.

Your two opinions are the only ones that matter.

You stated your fiancé is Catholic; are you?

This is obviously important to your FH & I don’t think that would make others uncomfortable.

Hi! Could you do your outdoor ceremony the way you wanted, and then maybe a smaller, more intimate church ceremony/mass a few days later? It's basically having your marriage blessed by the Church, and you can have Communion there! It will include the religious aspects your FH is looking for, and his family could have the Catholic aspect, even if it isn't necessarily the same day as your wedding?

I'm not very versed in this kind of thing, but I can't help but wonder if it can be made available to those who want it? Like, optional?

Are you having a catholic ceremony? I didn’t know that they could do communion outside of the church, which it seems like you will be as you’re getting married outside. Is a priest your officiant? Can you talk to him and see if that’s even a possibility?

I would definitely check with the officiant/priest since as far as I know Catholic churches do not offer communion outside of the church, unless it is being offered at home for someone unable to make it to church. If your ceremony is definitely taking place outside of a church, communion may not even be possible, and this becomes a non-issue.

I'm a little confused. Its my understanding that a Catholic wedding ceremony has to happen in a Catholic Church. I don't think you can do communion outside of the church either. I think the best course of action is to speak to your officiant about this. It may end up being a non-issue.

I was at a wedding once where the bride's family was Catholic but the groom's wasn't. The priest knew, and just made an announcement that Catholics could come up and receive, and anyone else who wanted could come up for a blessing.

I do agree with PP about checking with your officiant. The Catholic church can be pretty strict about weddings/communion only happening inside a church...it might not actually be an option with an outside wedding.

View Quoted Comment We are being married by an American Catholic priest and they have different rules than the Roman Catholic Priests do. So they do allow communion outside.

View Quoted Comment We are being married by an American catholic priest that allows outdoor wedding and communion outside the church which is how we got to this point.

Even in a catholic church during mass communion is optional. Just have whoever wants it go up for communion and the rest stay at their seat. I never go up during mass. I dont think people should feel uncomfortable, like would you go to your friends Jewish wedding or your friends indian wedding? There are a lot of cultural/religious traditions at some weddings and usually not all of the guests fall into that category. Also this is definitely something that sounds like it might bring up other issues in your relationship. Like if you guys want kids, does he want to raise them catholic? Do you? Obviously this is easier if you dont want kids.

Im not sure if you are able to have communion with outdoor ceremonies or when both parties arent Catholic...definitely look into the rules on that and that might help. Otherwise it is a very hard place to be

View Quoted Comment

Interesting...I think that it is important that you two make the decision that is right for you. If I were a guest (who is also Agnostic but grew up Catholic) I would not be uncomfortable as long as it isn't assumed that every guest is taking communion. I think the compromise is to make it optional to those who want to do it. I agree with BRae. You two may want to have a deep discussion about religion and the future.

I believe you can receive communion outside of a church, however, it must be administered by a Catholic priest (if you are Catholic).

If it's something that's important to your fiancée , then perhaps he can have a priest offer the communion to him only. Frankly, this is something the two of you should be discussing and figuring out together without involving your parents. Are you comfortable with it? Perhaps discussing why it is important to him will give you insight on how to compromise. You did already agree to get married by a Catholic priest, so perhaps he can compromise by just accepting Communion for himself.

View Quoted Comment

100% this, seems like a good compromise.

I agree that first and foremost, you should discuss this with FH and decide between you two. You could also ask the priest if he has any suggestions on how this can be done. Be honest and let him know that your family isn't catholic and you want them to feel welcomed at the ceremony. You should also spend some time thinking about what the source of the discomfort is. Is your family religious but not Catholic? If so, see if you can honor their faith in some way too. If not, maybe work with the priest on the wording of the ceremony so that it's not just about religion but about celebrating your love itself.

View Quoted Comment

Completely agree with all of this. Guests likely will not be uncomfortable. They can just remain seated while those who would like communion take it. Guests of many faiths go to different types of ceremonies all the time and understand/ respect the different religious traditions.

My greater concern is that you guys should also have a conversation about your future and how religion is going to play into it. This is especially important if you guys plan on having kids. These are the types of conversations you have to have before you get married rather than later.

If you're having an outdoor wedding, it won't be a Catholic wedding in the first place. I'm not sure how you could manage to have a Catholic communion at it. And Catholics aren't supposed to take communion with ministers of other denominations.

I’ve never heard of communion outside! So does that mean you didn’t have to convert to Catholicism to be married by this priest? Does having communion as part of the ceremony make you uncomfortable - regardless of other guests and family? If it does, I think you should both explain your feelings to each other. A compromise could having a mass at a later date to bless your marriage where he can receive communion. If you’re personally fine with having him and others receive communion I don’t think non-catholic guests would mind and you can explain it’s important to your family and it’s something you’ve agreed on.

Maybe you should have a talk about your expections of religion and the role it will play in your lives together. A lack of understanding of each other’s religious priorities has the ability to impact a lot in your future family.

As PP have said, if guests have the option of staying seated, it's unlikely they'd be uncomfortable. I had been at a funeral where every one had to go to the front and if you didn't want communion, you had to cross your arms in front of you. As a pagan, I was so insanely uncomfortable with that. But I've been to events where I had the option of remaining seated and it was a lot less awkward.

If you, yourself, are uncomfortable with it, talk to your FH. See if it would upset him more to not have it than it were to upset you to have it. Is there a compromise you're able to make? The wedding is for both of you, and you both should be happy with the whole event, and the following lifetime together.