Help! I want my wedding to be my wedding not everyone else's!!!

Who's paying for this wedding? If it's you, then you don't "have" to do anything. Stop sharing information with them. If they offer suggestions, nod, say, "hm I'll consider that," and change the subject.

And no one can make you do anything - so if you don't want to do cake tradition, then don't. You're just as married if you don't do it.

If you're paying for it then it's your decisions..However please don't make brownies for your own wedding... I don't care if you bake for a living...just no.

I told my FH we won't be "smushing" cake into each others faces because sticky, makeup that costs $$, and it's just not cute.

My mom kind of has some things she's been really pushy about and I just said "Mom, it's been decided we aren't doing XX, please get on board"

Just stick up for yourself...but I do think you should have actual dessert for your guests not made by you

If you're paying, you should do it your way (so long as your way includes good hosting for your guests). Sunflowers sounds beautiful (though I'm biased... they're my featured flower, too). Brownies are great.

As for your you FMIL, I think you need to ask your FH to talk to her. He should tell her in a nice way that the comparisons to his previous marriage are upsetting you. She probably doesn't even realize that she's doing it so much or that it bothers you. I bet/hope that if he talks to her, she'll stop.

ETA: We are also probably not going cake. FH is Celiac and can't eat gluten, so it seems dumb to us! We will do a dessert bar instead with options that FH (and our guests with various other food sensitivity) can eat. If you're looking for a cheap cake option, though, Costco makes delicious and cheap sheet cakes... One sheet cake that feeds 50 is ~$25. Maybe your venue or caterer could keep it in the back and serve it plated.

No pay, no say. If they don't like how you want to have YOUR wedding, then that's on them. I echo PP that it may be more effective for your FH to communicate with your FMIL. However, it may be best to not offer to share any wedding details with them going forward. If they ask, you can say you have not decided on X thing yet, or that you already have decided X thing and it's not negotiable.

Your wedding is about you and FH, so it should be a reflection of who you are and what you want. At the end of the day, hopefully your mother and FMIL respect your wishes and realize how wonderful your wedding will be your way.

If you're paying, you do it your way, with the caveat of saying that your hosting should be polite and gracious.

Cake is good; smushing bad. Brownies are Tuesday, cake is special event.

If you're paying, stop talking to them about details.

Do not ask anyone else's input. If they're not paying they don't get a say. Do not go over budget for what other people want. Have the wedding that you and your FH want and can afford. Don't ask anyone for advice. Upon receiving unsolicited advice just nod and say thanks, that's a good idea. It doesn't mean you have to do that idea. Change the subject when your FMIL brings up the wedding. However, you cannot stop her from comparing your wedding to others. It's just going to happen.

There are many, many, many other options for a wedding for dessert besides cake and brownies. I definitely agree with Celia that brownies alone do not a special event dessert make. People here have done pie, dessert cookie tables, donut bars, there are tons of options.

Totally missed the "make my own brownies" part. NOPE. Do not do that. Go talk to a bakery - they can provide you with great options. Do not make your own dessert. Just no.

Plan things that work for you and your FH. If mothers are prying, say something along the lines of "Hmm. That is something we will definitely consider! Hey, have you spoken to (insert name here) recently/did you watch the last episode of (insert show here)/have you tried the new (insert food or place here?" and change the subject

No pay no say.

I think it's weird when moms walk with bouquets. Just my opinion.

Stop discussing the wedding with EVERYONE.

Do not make your own desert. Or any food for that matter.

Cake smash is tacky.

I wonder how many of the anti-cake soon-to-be-marrieds were raised on mediocre grocery store cakes with shortening-based buttercream. Trust me, good cakes have nothing like that greasy mess of a mouthfeel.

"No." and "I'll take it into consideration, thank you"

are complete sentences.

use them.

Brownies sound delicious and easy to make! My mom and I are making pies for my reception!

Remind his mother that despite how beautiful his first wedding may have been, the result was not and you are planning something different for that reason.

You can have cake for everyone else and something special for yourself (I assume you plan to serve some type of dessert). Do you like cheesecake?

Ah - bless their hearts - they think they are "helping." My mom tried to do that too. I chose an all-inclusive venue and told her I didn't want her working for my wedding. I saw how stressed out she got over my sister's wedding and did not want to be the center of her fussing! Just politely let them know you heard their ideas, but you have other plans. They may get huffy or even bad-mouth you behind your back - but then after the wedding is over and they see how simplistically beautiful it was, they will gush about it for months. Even though my mom seemed ticked that I didn't want her "help" - in the end both my parents were blown away with the fact that they were able to just come, sit, enjoy, mingle and do no work at all.

If you like brownies better than cake, what about lava cake? or something with a ganache in the middle?

Agree with PPs, plan your own wedding if you are paying for your own wedding. Don't discuss it with other people-they will ALWAYS offer their opinion and suggestions whether you solicit them or not.

That being said, if your mother or FMIL are insistent about something you don't like or want, pick your battles. If your mom wants a bouquet (which I've never heard of...), let her have it. No one else will hardly notice or really care. Be gracious and polite but stand your ground on things that are important to you.

We are doing Rice Krispie treats. Didn't even consider making them myself (although it was a suggestion) I'm paying a bakery $120 to make them, dipped, decorated with colored sprinkles and icing and delivered. One less thing to worry about (and also gluten free and not too messy!)

ETA: for 75 guests

100% agree with no pay and no say. My FMIL is awful when it comes to planning and tells me how it was back in the days when she married. Things go in one ear and out the other! She keeps saying that she gets a say as FMIL and does not need to contribute anything. My parents are paying for half the wedding and it's because they had this money put aside when my grandparents passed. I understand the frustrations!

At the end of the day, this is your day!

So we dont like cake either we are only getting a small cake to cut for the wedding because of parents wanted that moment other than that we are having cake pops for everyone. I would suggest you do something you guys like if its brownies have someone make special (no drugs) brownies or have a ice cream bar, i have even seem someone do pies instead just give them something sweet

Just nod, smile, say thanks, and do whatever you want.

Properly host your guests which means good, properly cooked food and alcohol.

With respect to cake, it might not be your thing, but people usually expect cake at a wedding. I know I do.