Help! I want my wedding to be my wedding not everyone else's!!!

If you are paying for the wedding, you need to be firm with then and tell them no. Plan the wedding you and FH want.

Have FH talk to his mom about bringing up his previous wedding.

It is YOUR wedding, do what YOU want and no one else. The day is about you and FH. We aren't dong any sort of cake at our wedding. Neither of us eat cake so we are opting for cookies for everyone as our dessert. Our venue is making a bunch!

Since you're the one paying for it, the decision is ultimately yours. If they want you to have these things but aren't willing to chip in to the cost, you shouldn't feel pressured to do anything. Take their advice into consideration, but the decisions is ultimately and completely yours.

WTF! The last part about comparing it to his last wife really upset me. That's horrible and so unacceptable. If anything, you want this wedding to be super different from that one, not the same! If she brings it up again, be like "That's good to know! Now I know not to do anything like that at our wedding because I don't want anything about our wedding to resemble their wedding or remind people of it."

Everybody inputs there opinions . You can choose to take it good or bad . I'm sure they want you two to have a special day and in their heads that's how the picture it . It's your day your rules . Tell them that it's a great idea but you've decided to go in a different direction.

I mean, I'd be upset if FH "smushed" food in my face, but I wouldn't "probably beat him up."

If you're paying for this wedding, then smile, nod, and change the subject if she brings up wedding things. And certainly don't discuss the wedding or any wedding ideas you have with her.

Honestly, if she is continuously comparing you and your wedding to his first wedding and his first wife, I think there's a bigger issue here than her just wanting the wedding done her way.

Also, don't self-cater your own brownies. That's a big no-no. Speak to your baker or your venue (if they're providing the catering) about different dessert options than cake.

Why does this post bother me?

If they aren't paying for the wedding, they get no say. And I feel even if they were, they should take into consideration that it is YOUR day and that what happens on it needs to be what YOU are comfortable with.

I don't agree with the majority about the cake smash, I think it's cute and makes for a nice laugh later in life, but that is my opinion. If you dont like it, then don't do it.

I agree with Olivia- no to the brownies for stress purposes. I would hate the cake in face too. No thanks lol! Do what makes you happy.

I first want to say I'm sorry you're stressed out and I would be too! I totally sympathize with you. Secondly, I'd not discuss this with anyone that is giving you grief and just be up front with your mom and say sorry but we've already decided we aren't doing a bouquet or extra flowers. And your fiance definitely needs to talk to your FMIL about her constantly mentioning his last wedding. That's just insensitive and she should know that. As for the brownies, I'd say that asking a bakery for some other type of delicious dessert wouldn't be too expensive and would be one less thing for you to worry about!

No pay no say.

But please please don't make the brownies.

Hire a professional

Other than that... do you

I feel like through the process , when some one gave me an idea my reaction was- "oh that's cute!" Than behind closed door I did what me and fh wanted. We are paying for evrything ourselves and most of those making the suggestion werent there when we made the final decisions with our vendors, so it worked out. Everyone can be suprised the day of

"2) His mom wants me to have a cake so we can feed each other and we can "smush" it in each others faces. I don't eat cake and they know that so the cake would be for everyone else. I told them I would make brownies. And if he did "smush" anything in my face I would probably beat him up. Its cute for others but not my thing. "

No, no, no, no. You are wrong. You don't make brownies for your wedding. You don't make anything for your wedding. Food -- all food -- should be catered. And if I went to a wedding where I was served brownies the bride baked instead of cake from a real bakery, I'd be extremely disappointed.

You don't have to have all the extras, but you do have to host your guests well. If you don't like cake, then bake a brownie for yourself, but you need to serve your guests a catered dessert (preferably cake). The reception for them, not for you. It's to thank them for coming to your ceremony.

And I disagree with Tiffany. Don't do a bait and switch and only have a cake for cutting while providing a different dessert for guests. You don't need a cake for a prop if you don't plan to serve it, but IMO, cake is expected at weddings.

I'm going through the same issue! Fiancés mom and my mom are insisting we do this, and do that. I listen to their suggestions and then go about planning it my way and all. After all, you are the one footing the bill. If your mom is so adamant about a ton of flowers, and your FH's mom is adamant about a cake, just kindly remind them that you are the one paying for it and you both chose to do this for that very reason.

I 100% say if you're paying for it do it for you! Don't let them influence you, I let my in laws talk me into something that I don't want to do for our wedding (and it's a huge part of the wedding) and now I regret it. It's YOUR wedding day, not theirs.

Your mum and MIL should have lunch with my mum!

I broke the news that we are not having an official cake and i thought my mum was going to fly off the handle. She argued that it is a wedding and that means cake, and she said just because I am gluten/dairy free does not mean my whole wedding needs to be.

We are paying for the wedding, but I know my parents are going to help out here and there with things, so I do not want to burn any bridges. So we are going to do add some cake to the dessert table. Instead of buying a cake, we are going to get a basic sheet cake. win win.

I'm doing a mini 2 tier cake (mainly for custom topper) and cupcakes in 3 flavors! Yumm!!! Also I never understood the cake smashing either.

I disagree with the no pay no say. It's your wedding period. In my opinion you can do what you want, it's your day. Even if parents are paying or contributing it's still your wedding, them helping out shouldn't be conditional to what they want. It's your wedding. I would personally just not talk too much about the wedding in detail to avoid all the input if you don't want it.

You guys are awesome! Thank you so much for the opinions and options. Before this forum I felt lost and under pressure, now I think I can do it and that it's OK to do it my way.

I will no longer discuss wedding details with anyone esp FMIL just to avoid unneeded pressure from her. We are 6 weeks away from the wedding and I want to enjoy every minute of it from here on and I intend to do so.

Thank you!

I love cake, just sayin.....