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Just Said Yes April 2017

Help! I want my wedding to be my wedding not everyone else's!!!

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Kimberly, on March 6, 2017 at 10:06 AM

Do I cave in and have all the extras (that I do not want) or do it my way (fiance stands by me either way). 1) My mom wants me to have lots of flowers and to walk with a bouquet. I don't. I am having sunflowers, burlap, and lace. 2) His mom wants me to have a cake so we can feed each other and we...

Do I cave in and have all the extras (that I do not want) or do it my way (fiance stands by me either way).

1) My mom wants me to have lots of flowers and to walk with a bouquet. I don't. I am having sunflowers, burlap, and lace.

2) His mom wants me to have a cake so we can feed each other and we can "smush" it in each others faces. I don't eat cake and they know that so the cake would be for everyone else. I told them I would make brownies. And if he did "smush" anything in my face I would probably beat him up. Its cute for others but not my thing.

3) I am trying to be simple and save money where I can since we are paying for this wedding not them. Why do they keep insisting I have things I don't want whether I could afford it or not.

4) How do I stop further mother in-law from comparing my wedding to her son to his first wedding? I know it happened. I am friends with his first wife. But I don't want to keep hearing what they had and how I should have it too.

UGH

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46 Comments

VIP April 2017
Jennifer VR · on March 7, 2017 at 9:50 AM
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I usually just say something like "hmm, that sounds like a nice idea ... will you pass the salt". Let them dream big, let them think that you are taking their opinion into account, then change the subject.

The best piece of advice I got when I was struggling with FMIL (who wanted to choose my dress, bridesmaids and colours - no she isn't paying, she is barely invited) was this: Don't talk about any wedding details with them. If anyone asks, be vague. Tell them it's a surprise. Anything.

You can't stop people from comparing your wedding to anyone else's. But you can control how you react about it. You are having the wedding that YOU want. '

And really, she is comparing the wedding to the first wedding? That is very inappropriate, and FH needs to tell her to stop. Besides which, it is the perfect example then of how the "perfect wedding" does not make a perfect marriage.

But for real, stop sharing your wedding details with them. I know you want to, because it is exciting and you want to share your excitement. But just don't do it. Cos they will break your heart every time.

ETA: grammar
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VIP September 2017
PerfectlyPolin · on March 7, 2017 at 10:01 AM
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My motto has been THOSE WHO PAY, GET A SAY!
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Devoted June 2018
TheBlindBride · on March 7, 2017 at 10:47 AM
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@Kimberley, I don't know, if I were contributing to a wedding, I'd want it to not be ratchet. I would be absolutely mortified if I'd helped pay for some of the weddings I've seen described on here. I'd want to make sure my money was going toward a tasteful wedding with proper hosting.
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Devoted July 2017
Tia · on March 7, 2017 at 10:52 AM
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Its your money, do it your way!
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Dedicated September 2017
Holly · on March 7, 2017 at 11:12 AM
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Don't cave! if they don't like it so be it! it's YOUR DAY!!!
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Master December 2016
Elizabeth · on March 8, 2017 at 10:51 AM
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This forum really perplexes me sometimes.

If any bride came here with the idea of baking her own brownies for dessert at her wedding because she doesn't like cake, dozens of people would tell her no, that (a) the reception is for her guests so it doesn't matter that she doesn't like cake and (b) she shouldn't be baking anything for her own wedding as guests deserve catered food, from appetizers to dessert.

But add in a meddling mother or in-laws and suddenly, the entire tone of the thread changes.
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