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Just Said Yes September 2022

help - jealous Future mil & sil are ruining our wedding planning process

Faith, on July 12, 2021 at 6:06 PM Posted in Family and Relationships 0 9

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So my future MIL has been pretty difficult since we got engaged - always complaining about how her son is changing and it’s my fault that he isn’t spending more time with the family (we see them ALL the time and we live and hour away). She made a huge deal out of being apart of the wedding dress shopping so this weekend I got together with my future MIL, SIL, fiancé aunt and her daughter (who is a bridesmaid). Im not a fan of my FSIL as she is extremely immature and makes everything about herself (she’s 24), but I invited her to avoid the drama - she ended up crying the whole day when she found out her cousin is going to be a bridesmaid and she isn’t (the whole family has known that I asked the cousin to be a bridesmaid over a year ago). Now my fiancé’s MIL is throwing a fit about how inconsiderate we are for not making her a bridesmaid. IMO it’s non negotiable because she is consistently rude and throwing tantrums and has even gone as far as slapping my fiancé across the face. I have no idea how to handle this situation with out making it worse between us and my fiancé’s family. I hate conflict and wish they could just be happy for us and enjoy this process.

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Latest activity by MOB So Cal, on July 13, 2021 at 5:10 PM

Super July 2020
Cool · on July 12, 2021 at 6:13 PM
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You need to set boundaries. They’re walking all over you because you’re letting them. You should not have invited anyone dress shopping that you didn’t want there. You know you don’t like FSIL. You said the reason was to avoid drama but it clearly created more. You need to talk to FH about what you want *your* meaning your and his, family to look like. Do you want to drive 2 hours regularly to visit his family who treats you poorly? Does he? If not, don’t. Boundaries are hard at first but then bring massive freedom.
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Savvy January 2022
Jackie · on July 12, 2021 at 6:19 PM
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I second this 100%. Anything you don’t want, don’t do. Period. This is your wedding and should be about you and your fiancé. It may ruffle feathers and it might be uncomfortable for a little while but don’t compromise what you want just to make these people happy when they clearly don’t care about your happiness.
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Expert December 2021
Samantha · on July 12, 2021 at 6:35 PM
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Speak with your fiance and, together, set boundaries. It's yall's wedding, not theirs. Who you chose to be in your bridal party is your decision and no one else's. For her to have slapped your fiance across the face...she wouldn't be welcome near or around our house or us. That's inexcusable behavior. You and your fiance are a team and will continue to be after you say "I Do". Make sure you're on the same page now, during the planning process, rather than struggling to set boundaries later. Especially when/if yall decide to start a family. I sincerely wish you the best!
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Rockstar December 2022
Michelle · on July 12, 2021 at 6:37 PM
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Set and maintain boundaries with fiancé as a united front with consequences. Do not include them in planning, do not share details. If you have to, cut them off for your own mental health because no one needs that toxicity.
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VIP January 2019
Maggie · on July 12, 2021 at 7:29 PM
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I promise I am not victim blaming you, but the next time you try to include either of these people in your plans, remember your own words: "...but I invited her to avoid the drama - she ended up crying the whole day..." You thought that inviting her would make your life easier, but it only made it worse. So, skip that hassle and just don't invite them. Will they cry and complain? Maybe, but you won't be around to hear it!
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Legend March 2017
Pirate & 60s Bride · on July 12, 2021 at 8:46 PM
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So this!!! 💯 percent.
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Just Said Yes September 2022
Faith · on July 12, 2021 at 8:47 PM
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You are absolutely right and I have certainly learned my lesson. I gave an inch and now they want to take a mile it seems.
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VIP August 2021
Michelle · on July 12, 2021 at 10:56 PM
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I stop adult tantrums with a firm and simple "No". I don't provide reasons or justifications. I don't entertain whining. You wouldn't let children act this way, so it's even more shameful these are adults. Just don't tell them anymore wedding details because they will continue to ruin your days.
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January 2019
MOB So Cal · on July 13, 2021 at 5:10 PM
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I agree with everything already mentioned, but would add, since this is your fiance's family, HE should take the lead on explaining what the boundaries are and with enforcing them. If is mother is already "blaming" you for what she sees as changes, your FH needs to stand up to her and put a stop to her inappropriate behavior. They need to see that he is always going to take your side. Good luck, they sound like people I'd want to avoid....
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help - jealous Future mil & sil are ruining our wedding planning process

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