Help! Mother in Law wants my fiancé to postpone Our wedding

You and your are a united front. You both need to set up boundaries and stick to them. You will need to do this for the entirety of your marriage as well.


This is not her wedding so she does not get a say, period. He needs to tell her no and keep repeating it if you both agree. Do not cave to her wishes.

You and your fiancé need to get on the same page. You will continue to face difficult decisions throughout your marriage and you need to make those decisions as a united front. It isn't up to his mom or anyone else when you get married. However, I do agree that March might not be the best idea for a wedding especially depending on the number of people you plan on hosting. My baby shower is scheduled for March and it is virtual because of the safety concerns associated with events.

Neither of you are beibg selfish. You and your fiancé need to be on the same page of what to do.

It sounds like your fiancé wants to postpone, and you don’t. This wedding is about two people. You both need to sit down and come to a compromise. If I’m completely honest, I understand your fiancé‘s point of view. His mother has a very valid concern about attending a wedding in 2 1/2 months when cases of a potentially deadly, and highly communicable virus is at its highest ever. It’s not as though she simply has other plans. She is literally fearful for her life. And of course your fiancé is going to want his mother to be able to attend your wedding in person, not over zoom. I think if postponing means your FMIL can feel safe attending a huge moment in her sons life- something that is obviously very important to your fiancé- I would oblige; If nothing else, for your fiancé’s sake. You will still get to have the wedding of your dreams, he will just have to wait a little longer to have it. Plus, you will probably enjoy yourself much more if you don’t have to worry about people potentially dying from attending your event, or having to social distance, not dance, hug, etc at your wedding. I’m fearful if you are stubborn about this, your fiancé may harbor a lot of resentment towards you for his mother missing his wedding. Or, lord forbid, what is his mom does attend and gets sick/dies?! Pretty sure that would be the end of your relationship.

Hi Jennifer! My heart goes out to you!! Covid makes for some hard decisions we would have never imagined. This is tough because I feel for you having the possibility of postponing again (been there!) and feel for your fiancé wanting his mom present. For me, one of my requirements was my parents had to be at my wedding. I just couldn’t imagine it without them. Food for thought, depending on number of cases in March, will of course dictate your course of action. California is a strict state due to higher population = higher cases. If the state allows 20 guests outdoors in March is that a number you and your fiancé ok with going forward? If you have your heart set at a larger list, the decision may be out of your hands based on the regulations at the time. If you are ok with a smaller list, she may feel ok coming. I’m so sorry you are going through this ❤️

View Quoted Comment Hi Chrysta,


Before my fmil started to mentioned her concerns. She knew we were mailing our invitations out and my fiancé and I both agree upon sending our invitations. These are her concerns now. I wish she could of said something sooner, but this happened.

That’s awful and I’m sorry your having a hard time. In my opinion, I wouldn’t postpone it again. COVID isn’t going away so based on that you’ll never get married waiting for her to feel comfortable. I understand it would be great to have her there, what happens next year when it’s still around? Hope everything works out.

View Quoted Comment I agree with this!

I understand where your fh is coming from this is his mom however I am one of those who wouldn't postpone especially with invites and rsvp's in

As you get closer to your day, your FMIL might be getting more worried. Maybe she thought it would be better by March when you sent your invitations but now she sees it probably won’t.
You and your fiancé need to be on the same page. Talk it out some more, could you reduce your guest count to a number your FMIL is comfortable with? I understand not wanting to postpone but honestly i couldn’t imagine getting married without my mom there. Also, I don’t think that Your FMIL is being selfish, sounds like she’s scared. People are dying, including some of her friends, that would terrify me too. Also not sure how it being spring in California would change anything in regards to covid?

You should keep all of the discussions between yourself and your future spouse. But you both do need to discuss it and come to an agreement. If it's a deal breaker for him that his mom attends the wedding, and she isn't able to attend your date in 2 months, then you will have to postpone. But your future MIL doesn't get to make that decision.

That said, will you even be able to have a mask-optional wedding in California in 2 months?

Ugh I think this is a tough one. I think I would actually choose to postpone which is not something I like the idea of. But March is soon in general, and if someone as important as his mom is afraid and has person experiences of friends dying then I can’t see how it can be enjoyable. I think your future husband will feel kinda bad for his mom and it might just ruin the whole vibe of the day.

My wedding is this weekend (1/16). My dad was in contact with someone who had it at work in the last week of December and I told my FH if my dad's test came back positive we'd have to postpone even with EVERYONE RSVP. For us, our parents are essential. Thankfully we didn't have to do that. But as others have said, it's tough to find a time when COVID will stop being a concern so it's really up to you and your FH and figuring out what is important to you.

Could you maybe have a post-Covid celebration but still have your wedding in March? I understand both concerns and a compromise of some sort might be the best idea.