Help! Mother of groom trying to control wedding decisions

Okay, breathe. There’s nothing wrong with wanting a destination wedding and being respectfully adamant about you and your FH’s wishes. However, your FMIL is not being controlling, but rather asserting her opinion. Unless she’s paying for it and can actually change your plans, then no, she’s not being controlling at all. You even said that your family just does whatever you want, but you can’t expect everyone to just bow down to your every desire. Also, keep in mind that most people won’t tell brides and grooms their true opinions on things. There may be factors as to why your FMIL feels the way she feels about a destination wedding even though she had one herself. But also think about how when she got married was a long time ago with different circumstances. Maybe she talked about it privately with other family members who expressed their concerns but won’t bring it up to you. A destination wedding is meant to be small because most people wouldn’t be able to attend. If it’s in your budget, perhaps you and your FS could plan a celebration of marriage in the US a few months after your destination wedding? Something low key that just allows everyone else to celebrate your union.

You may also want to think about having a private one-on-one conversation with her to calmly discuss her feelings about it. Just try to put yourself in her shoes. Don’t make an enemy out of your FMIL for such a silly thing. ETA: And unless there is a pattern of controlling behavior, this is not an indication for how your relationship will go for the rest of your life. Part of being an adult and forming a union between families is to understand that we’re all different, but we can occupy the same space while still respecting each other and making the effort to find common ground. Breathe, keep breathing, try to take your mind off of this for a few days, and return to wedding planning.

Okay, and she’s free to give her opinion, but unless she’s paying for anything, she can’t actually control your wedding. Maybe talk with your FH about chatting privately with her. He may be able to speak calmly with her about it. And maybe it might be a good idea to hold off on any wedding talk with your FMIL until you flesh out your plans some more. If you and your FH want a destination wedding and most people are on board, book it. Only discuss what’s necessary with your FILs. Offer to pay for them if you can afford it. Assert yourselves as independent adults and just go with your plans and your FILs will get the hint that you’re going to do what you want to do. No powerpoints needed; that’s teenage stuff. If you just go forward with your plans then there’s nothing your FILs can do, and maybe they’ll eventually get over it, especially after the stateside celebration is done. ETA: But the most important thing is to still treat each other with respect. Without any other details about your FMIL’s behavior, this simply “monster-in-law” material. Try to see things through her eyes to show understanding, but also do what you feel is best.

This is one of the downsides of a destination wedding. It is absolutely unfair of you to say that "people who want to come will make it work". Just because I have 2k+ in my bank account doesn't necessarily mean that I can spend that money on your wedding. I also would steer clear of expecting your whole guest list to stay at the same place for 3 days. If i was flying to Italy, I would come to your wedding for the one day that it is, and then make the rest of it vacation since I'm spending so much to get there.

Also, have you looked at the legal marriage requirements for getting married in Italy if you're from the US? Many European countries have specific residency requirement before you're allowed to get married there. I ask, because many people would be very upset to spend so much money to get to Italy and see a fake wedding or re-enactment. If you get married beforehand, at least be honest with people.

All that to say, your plans are in no way wrong and you have every right to plan the wedding that you want without your in-laws help or involvement! Your MIL is just voicing her opinion, which I believe many of your guests may be feeling and just not saying to your face.