Help my fiancé and i compromise: Bbq but make it classy

I think serving foods that require utensils over finger foods can really affect how casual or formal the meal feels. Maybe you could offer a nice salad, boneless BBQ chicken breast instead of pulled chicken sandwiches, cut corn instead of corn on the cob, etc. Have a mashed potato or baked potato bar instead of potato salad, etc. Think of your favorite BBQ foods and check Pinterest for alternative recipes that might be a little more elegant.

I also think that presentation makes a huge difference. Serve the food in nice chafing dishes instead of aluminum catering pans. Have someone serve the food or work the buffet instead of doing self serve.

In my opinion, plastic plates and utensils don't seem classy. I think you can definitely do bbq style food and make it classy. I think it is all about representation. I would use real plates and utensils rather than plastic. I would pick food that is eaten with utensils rather than any type of finger food. I would also display the food nicely kind of like in the photos I posted below. Having caterers serve the food rather than having guests serve themselves would also help. My brother-in-law had bbq at his wedding and it was still a very classy formal wedding.

BBQ can be messy and is typically eaten with your hands. I would say that's the primary reason is is not associate with classy. If you choose less messy options that are eaten with silverware it will be more classy. Though I love ribs, there is not a classy way to eat them!

There are definitely nicer plastic plate you can get and it will look nice. Just be careful with what type of food you are serving. you don't want to get anything thats going to be too heavy for the plastic plates. you could still have place setting done on the tables with nice rustic centerpieces (lanterns, mason jars, wine bottles etc - pinterest is a god send for this lol)

i would do like pulled chicken, brisket, mac and cheese and salads

In my opinion, BBQ will never be formal but it can still be nice! There is nothing wrong with getting good plastic plates or even china. I'd skip chargers if you do plastic plates. I'd do real silverware & real napkins, and have serving staff helping people at the buffet.