Hi there - I'm getting married September 2023 and am running into some drama with my dad because of guest list. Our guest list is approximately 160, 2/3 being friends and 1/3 being family. We are very fortunate to have kept in contact with many friends from many parts of our lives, but neither of us come from very large, close families.
For some further family background, my parents are very far apart in age making my dad in his early 80s (I'm early 30s). Both my parents are divorced and remarried. My fiance's parents are divorced but not remarried. We gave each of our parents 6 guests they could invite outside of the family.
We want our wedding to spent with the family and friends that are an active part of our lives and will continue to be so in the years to come. So we are being quite strict on the guest list. A few months ago, we all sat down to discuss this topic and this is when I learned that my dad and I have very different opinions on what a wedding is. He wants to invite his cousins and second cousins (all of his siblings have passed and their kids he no longer speaks to). These are people that I have not seen or heard about in the family since i was maybe 13 (I honestly couldn't even tell you if they were at my bat mitzvah). In total, there are 14 additional people my dad wants to invite, 4 of them I don't even know who they are, if they are distant family or just friends.
On my moms side, we are not inviting all my aunts and cousins because we have not spoken or seen each other in over 6 years and they have never met my fiance, and my mom supports this decision. So it is not like we are favoring one side over another. Just to mention, we are not doing the thing some people do of "if you never met my partner then you're not invited". That is not realistic for us, but if you keep in touch and have a good relationship with at least me or my mom or my dad, then they are on the list.
Dad and stepmom family count - 19
Mom and stepdad family count - 14
It feels more like my dad wants to use our wedding as a family reunion and cannot grasp that I don't want to spend time on our wedding day making introductions or "catching up". He also states that he doesn't know who would come, but they should be invited. And that is not how we look at our invites- invites are reserved for people we actually want there and won't invite someone on a chance they won't come.
To address finances briefly, my fiance and I were prepared to pay for the entire wedding ourselves. It wasn't until after we started planning that my dad, and my mom, and my fiances family told us they are all contributing to the wedding day. The guest list is not a money question or issue.
Am I being too harsh in not wanting these other people to be invited? Of course it would be easier to just say fine and add to the list, but I am looking at it from a principle and respect stand point as well as wanting the people there who we genuinely want to spend time with on our wedding day.
