Help!!! Premarital Counseling

View Quoted Comment We are going to discuss living in separate rooms. If he doesn't agree to that then we are going to find another option. It's going to take a lot of prayer, but I know it will all work out in the end! 😊

This is insanity.... But then again i guess i wouldn't let my parents tell me how to live or date... I wouldnt accept advice from some dude who for whatever reason thinks he has authority to provide it
You could lie and tell him u now live separately. It is a sin yes but he is basically telling you to lie by getting a license early to kind of make your immoral and sinful behavior ok...so might as well follow his lead on that
I'm with those who said find someone else. Church is supposed to uplift and support and guide and make you think not judge and bring you down and threat. Thats what i heard

Wow I found that amazing that he would suggest getting married JUST to appease him and his views. Why would he want you to get married before you even finish counseling?? That sounds extremely misguided and self-serving. There are pastors that will understand your particular situation. They don't have to like it but they also won't force you to MOVE OUT or to GET MARRIED before you are ready!

The living in separate rooms is a good compromise... IF that is something that you guys truly want and are comfortable with. But honestly it sounds like you're considering it just to appease the pastor. You obviously already live with each other so altering that situation would just be lying IMO.

I completely understand you wanting to get married in a church and I think it would be in your best interests to find another church or another pastor within your church who will actually accept and support the two of you on your journey towards marriage. IMO the "options" the pastor gave you would be more detrimental to you guys than helpful. They exhibit an extreme lack of compassion and understanding and it sounds like he cares more about "the rules" than the actual people he is supposed to be helping.

That's absolutely preposterous, find another pastor NOW.

View Quoted Comment

Why are you giving what the pastor said so much weight? Why are you making your life harder just to please him and his absurd beliefs? This is one of the many, many, many problems with organized religion... too many ridiculous rules that are meaningless.

Find another church and another pastor, preferably one who lives in and accepts this modern world.

I personally think you should think about what your personal faith calls you to do and how to live. My husband and I are both devout Methodists, and our church doctrine officially teaches celibacy in single hood. However, neither he nor I believe that God actually calls us to live that way nor do many of the pastors near us. I personally don't believe that pre-marital sex or living together is a sin. Sex can be a sin, when it hurts other or yourself. Sin during sex can happen during marriage (rape), and marriage itself doesn't transform sex from a sin into not a sin. A loving, committed relationship does that. Obviously, you choose to live together before all of this and attended church, so I think this an opportunity to really figure out: what do you believe? What does your personal faith and relationship with God tell you about what to do? Based on what you faith says, maybe it's time to find a new church that aligns with your beliefs.

I am so sorry but I would get a different pastor, moving out would be NO option to even be brought to my attention. I could care less about his 2nd option to us, I would get a new pastor or do a different church. That is not illegal nor deemed "not allowed" plenty of weddings have that so I would go elsewhere or request a new pastor.

View Quoted Comment We're not making our lives harder. We're considering all of the options, that's the reason I put this conversation up, to get other people's opinions who have maybe been in this situation, not to bring others down and pass judgment on our pastor. And to us it's not an absurd belief, it's just not one that we hold. People are saying he's judging us, but then judge him for his belief that a couple should not live together before they are married. If he doesn't want to officiate a wedding where the couple lives together that's his opinion and his choice, and whether we want to do what he asks to be able to have the person we decided we want to marry us officiate then that's our choice.

No matter what we choose we are doing what is best for us in our situation. Trying to stay true to our beliefs and who we are as a couple, and what kind of relationship we want to have with God and our church.

It's 2018. I'm shocked he's that stearn about it. I would find somewhere else and someone else to do the ceremony.

If you are dead set on marrying in that church with that pastor and do get legally married early don't hide it from people. There's really nothing good that ever comes out of that. We legally married on 2/16/18 for insurance and had our ceremony on 10/27/18. Everyone knew. Everyone treated it like the actual wedding and were so happy to be there.

View Quoted Comment

You asked for help, opinions, and advice, and we gave it.

Pretty much everyone here suggested to you to find another pastor, which was us simply telling you how we would handle the situation if we were in your shoes.

If you want to change your life around to align your beliefs with your pastors, then go for it. That's the beauty of this country; religious freedom.

Yes, it's your choice and ultimately your choice alone.

You do you, whatever floats your boat.

Hmm. It's easy to say "find a different pastor," but it sounds like your church is (at least somewhat) important to you, and I doubt that you'll be able to get married in that church with a different pastor, that's typically not allowed.

It sounds like you are open to getting married at a courthouse and having a celebration of marriage at the church, and I think that's a good solution as long as you are comfortable. But, if you go that route, you should let people (not just immediate family) know that it is a celebration and not a legal ceremony.

I'd definitely find someone else. But that's just me. Maybe find someone that you can meet up with a couple of times before fhe actual wedding. Or maybe find another, more accepting, church.

View Quoted Comment Deliberate deception at time of marriage is considered grounds for annulment in some states, and many Christian churches. It says the commitment to the basic sacrament of marriage was never there to start with. Different Christians interpret things differently, from the same scripture and differing church doctrine.

View Quoted Comment As of right now I think we're definitely leaning towards finding another person to officiate... But we'll see, maybe we'll end up finding a church that aligns more with our views as well.

View Quoted Comment I never told her to lie, Judith. I specifically clarified later on that I was not agreeing with their pastor on getting a certificate and then lying about it to their families. Come on girl.

View Quoted Comment I was referring to your comment "You said you’re a very active Christian yet you’re considering divorce over something that doesn’t actually permit you to get a divorce in the Bible", not the OP and certificate. You are judging other posters divorce, as nit a Christian thing, when different Christian churches vary.

View Quoted Comment Christianity shouldn’t be based on a church but the word of God. So churches can vary all they want but the Bible is firm.

View Quoted Comment I’m not sure what you’re getting so defensive about.

She never once said that wasn’t his right to feel that way. She only suggested finding another pastor.

That just sounds like the hot mess express to me. I wouldn’t go with someone who is asking me to lie and deceive my family and friends for the next 6 months. There’s so many other people you could get to officiate your wedding.