help - Weird Family Situation

You can always leave last names off invitations. There was actually a post about that recently, and it seems like it’s not that uncommon. As far as walking you down the isle, I think the easiest solution would be to walk by yourself. That way you’re not choosing one person over the other. It also sounds like this is your second marriage, so that would make it an even more typical option. But there’s a lot of information you didn’t post which could sway the decision of who to choose. I wouldn’t want you to put personal information online, but there clearly was a reason for your falling out with the man who raised you, and a reason why your biological father was MIA for almost your whole life. Maybe your grandfather would be the best option, as it seems he may have the least relationship baggage. At the end of the day, you need to choose what your heart wants, not what is going to make others happy. There’s always other ways to incorporate everyone that isn’t walking you down the isle.

Wow, that is a complicated story, but it's great you do have good relationships with so many people. I think only you can decide what you want to do about the walking you down the aisle question, but regarding invitations, an option might be to not include your last names. It's potentially a bit more casual than wording that includes last names, but if there's not likely to be any confusion for those invited to the wedding about whose wedding it is, you could just use your first names or first and middle names (Mary Elizabeth and John Robert invite you to celebrate....). Since you plan to take FH's name, the return address could be "The Ortiz Wedding" or "The Future Mr & Mrs Ortiz." Good luck!

Oh man... I'm sorry you're going through all of this. For the name on the invite situation: what is your legal name right now? If people search you on social media is it still Reilly? If so, I'd probably stick to that so there's no confusion. Everyone that knows you should know that you had a prior marriage. You can't change the past so I'd just embrace it! You've found the love of your life and want to share your special day. Talk to your FH and see how he feels about it beforehand so he's not blindsided. I'm sure he'll understand. If not, maybe drop the last names entirely? I've seen really simple invites that only have first names! Ex: John and Jane are getting married! If you're inviting them to your wedding, I assure you, they'll know who it is. For the return address: "Future Mr. and Mrs. "new name". For the dad situation: who do YOU want to walk you down the aisle? If it's your biological dad, I'd talk to your step dad and explain the situation. He should understand.

I would go by Montalvo. My parents are divorced and now I go by my mom’s last name

Whoops, sorry. I didn’t get to finish that. I go by Garcia and what is what will be going on our invitations. However that’s not my legal name. Go by what you feel most comfortable with.

Well, your last name is your last name, so I’d use that— Reilly. It’s not disrespectful to your FH, it’s simply your legal name. Or, you could skip last names altogether. But, I wouldn’t put a last name other than your legal last name if you’re using last names.


The aisle wall though, I don’t think anyone can really advise. It’s so deeply personal, and important to follow your heart. Not asking these questions for answers, just thoughts for you to consider— Is there bad blood between your mom and bio dad that would hurt her? Is she still with stepdad who raised you? And you’ve just grown apart or a falling out? If you were always considering grandpa, do you have a very special relationship with him? If so, you could choose just him. It doesn’t have to be “dad” — can be anyone with an important role to you. (If you’re closest to your mom, it could also be her!). I’d personally be wary of having someone I’d only had a short relationship with walking me down, but, that’s me, and only you know the story of your history. So if it means the most to you to have bio dad do it, go for it — as long as it won’t damage your other family relationships — again, only something that you can know or guess given those individuals— but if something would hurt my mom, even if it was what I wanted most, I’d err in the side of not doing it for her benefit. This may not be your situation at all, just thoughts of hypotheticals ...if she’s only concerned about stepdad and you and he aren’t close anyway, then it’s not a big risk of loss. Still, only you (not mom!) can decide this one. Do what feels best to *you*

You can totally leave the last names off the invitations. I am using first and middle names for ours, and my FSIL did the same for hers. As for the walking down the aisle, it is a personal decision that is down to you. You can always ask both your dads to walk you down the aisle.

Thank you everyone. It's definitely something I hadn't really thought about since meeting my biological father.

To explain a bit better - the man that raised me is not in the picture at all. My mom divorced him many years ago. She is now married to my Step Father who has been in the picture going on 13 years or so.

Biological Dad was not in the picture until recently as he was not aware that I existed. My mother told him I was the man that's raised me's child, and that's how it was for the first 26 years of my life. No one knew of this as a possibility until my mom spilled the beans 2 years ago.

But I will probably drop the last name's from our invites.

I would just use what your current legal name is, which is what I did. This was a 2nd marriage for both of us and I never changed my name back to my maiden name. But my husband only ever knew me with my ex's last name so it was no big deal and it was not disrespectful at all. Also, as far as walking down the aisle, choose the person who means the most to you, male or female, or walk alone. That is what I did. I walked down the aisle alone and saw it as a symbolic gesture of walking down the aisle alone as an independent woman confident in my choice of partner.

Either skip the last name or use Reilly. If you don’t bother to change it back when you divorced then that is legally still your name. Your current partner met you and dated you while you had your ex’s lastname didn’t he? What’s the big idea now?

I can't comment on the last name issue but in terms of the aisle walking, I was in a wedding last year where the bride's father passed away when she was little so she had her 2 brothers, mom's very best friend (basically her uncle) who has always been there, and her grandpa walk her down. The friend walked her out and then about halfway through the walk, he handed her off to her brothers, who handed her off to her grandpa, who gave her away. So if it's important for you to have all 3 men walk you down then maybe you could try something similar? Just make sure that who you choose is who YOU want to walk you down. Not someone you chose just because you feel obligated to and don't want to hurt their feelings.