Help!

Did you talk to your fiancé about it?

View Quoted Comment Yes! He agrees with me but has kind of an awkward relationship with his dad. We’re just looking for the best way to not hurt feelings but also get our point across.

I would just talk to him about it! “Hey I heard this from so and so, I’d love to help you plan a party for him at a different time as we have a packed schedule on our wedding day”. Just be clear, it’s your day! I wouldn’t be okay with that either, and unless you say what you want other people will try to do whatever they please.

Is this for the groom's grandfather's birthday (just want to be clear)? Maybe a compromise could be no balloons and a small cake. But if you both really don't want to have this happen, then your future spouse should handle this with his dad. I would stay out of it (each spouse handles their own family) and try not to worry about it too much. And elderly man getting his own birthday cake won't affect a wedding reception that much.

I would just talk to him about it! “Hey I heard this from so and so, I’d love to help you plan a party for him at a different time as we have a packed schedule on our wedding day”. Just be clear, it’s your day! I wouldn’t be okay with that either, and unless you say what you want other people will try to do whatever they please.

^^^This

View Quoted Comment THIS!!!!!!

View Quoted Comment Great advice! Thank you!

View Quoted Comment Thank you!

View Quoted Comment Yes, grooms father. I’m fine with a round of “Happy Birthday” from the DJ, but my fiancé’s father has a tendency to go big on birthdays. It’s kind of his trademark. I just know it won’t be a small cake and quick happy birthday.

I would tell your FFIL you heard his father's birthday was around you wedding date and offer to do something yourselves in recognition. If you initiate the conversation and take control of the planning then you can probably avoid the grocery store cake and mylar balloons without offending anyone. Make it about the two of you and your FH's grandfather. Just involve the FFIL so he knows it will be recognized and doesn't make plans of his own. It doesn't have to be a major element of your day. A comment/short speech at the reception about how glad you are that he is with you on his birthday would suffice. Depending on the family dynamics this may or may not work for you.



For reference, one of my guests has her birthday on the same day as our wedding and I am having a tiny 6" cake ($30 cost for a 4/6 serving cake) that we will present to her right before we cut our wedding cake for her to either eat that day or take home. She is the one who videotaped my fiancé's proposal and sent it to me so she is someone I want to specially thank on our wedding day, on top of her being the wife of my FH's good friend from college. She made a point of saying she would come, even if we chose to hold our wedding on her birthday.

I agree with Arizonadreaming that it sounds like y’all need to have a conversation with him. You mentioned that your fiancé has a weird relationship with him, so I wonder how it will go over.


One other thought is say “I heard that you wanted to recognize your dad’s birthday at our reception. I wanted to let you know that we’ve arranged for a cake and coordinated the happy birthday song with our do.” This would allow you to control what it the celebration looks like, even if it is less than ideal.

View Quoted Comment Thank you! All this advice was exactly what I was looking for and couldn’t think of myself! I really appreciate it!

Since you’ve already tried talking to your fiancé about it, it’s time to go straight to the source. Find a way to approach his father, and then say, “I heard you were planning something for your dad. Is this true?” Also, is the grandfather invited to the wedding? Regardless of whether he is or not, FH’s dad doesn’t have the right to do what he’s thinking, even if his intentions are good. If the grandfather isn’t invited, why can’t the dad take him to breakfast early that morning and then give him the balloons? I would explain very carefully and politely that this wedding is for you and his son, and that it would be rude of him to hold a party of his own in the middle of it. It could also make the other guests very uncomfortable (be sure to mention that). My FH also has a difficult relationship with his dad, who has also suggested some wacky things for our wedding. Bottom line: don’t be afraid to put your foot down. As I tell many brides, this is YOUR wedding.

View Quoted Comment Thanks Kristen! Yes, my FH’s grandfather is invited to the wedding and we’re so happy he will be able to be there! It’s just, as you said, I don’t really want a little side party going on in the middle of my wedding. I really appreciate the input, I feel more confident in politely asking my FFIL to please not.

View Quoted Comment Oh good, I’m sorry you have to deal with that! I would be upset too. I agree with other posters, maybe try to compromise even though you shouldn’t have to - get a little cake and do a quick happy birthday but nothing huge that would overshadow your day! Good luck!

View Quoted Comment Thanks Grace, good advice! And so sweet of you to get a little cake for your friend! Not a bad idea! So tough to find a date that works for you and your fiancé, all your vendors, and DOESN’T land on someone’s birthday!

View Quoted Comment Thank you for the advice!

Would the grandfather be attending the rehearsal dinner? Allowing FFIL to carry out his plan could be a good compromise!

So firsthand account of this exact situation. My fiancé’s cousin whose wedding he was in picked his birthday as their wedding date. Just so happened to be his 30th. His mom wanted to do the same thing ( bring a cake and sing). When the couple found out they were not happy about it for the same reason. It was their day that just so happened to be his birthday. They put their foot down and said exactly that. It’s their wedding the one time that’s just about them. If that’s how you feel no matter the relationship you need to nip it in the bud now. Otherwise you’ll have to deal with it on your wedding day.

I have nothing to add to the great advice but I agree to talk to him and tell him you can all celebrate later. Plus, I HATE mylar balloons so that would be a hard no from me. I don't like it when others try to take over another person's event, too. I am sorry you have to deal with it. I would ask someone to keep an eye on things to make sure he does not try to horn in anyway!

Best wishes!