Help!

Its definitely your day and NOT the opportunity to lump in another celebration just because the family is together. You and FH should be firm that this is not acceptable, unfair to you, and could be really embarrassing for the birthday man! I would be MORTIFIED if someone tried to co-opt someone else's wedding to do something to celebrate me.

View Quoted Comment Thanks Natalie! Not a bad idea but we’re actually not having a rehearsal dinner...weird, I know but just the way things worked out!

We had birthday of someone rarely seen by most family due to distance. I did not mind. Both mothers started out thinking it would be a big deal. The bandleader suggested that after 4-5 dances, we stop, dedicate a song to my father's grandmother, presenting the cake right after the song ( not happy birthday). Within 5 minutes bandleader announced dancing would begin. The only difference was after that, many stopped by to visit her, and her younger sister, a few minutes. No big disruption. After, mom said she was ashamed of herself begrudging this old man his 5 minute birthday. Just make sure the music right after is something popular.

Definitely let the FFIL know you plan on acknowledging but maybe you can also politely suggest the whole family get together for brunch the following day to celebrate and that would be a more appropriate time for his surprise? Or something similar? That way the whole family will still be around and it could be specifically about the father's birthday

View Quoted Comment Pre-empting what Dad might choose by doing something night that you want for his birthday seems the nicest way.