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Beginner July 2020

Helpppp😭

Taylor, on November 2, 2019 at 6:37 PM Posted in Etiquette and Advice 0 14

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Okay guys I’m fairly new to wedding wire and need advice, so I’m getting married next year and both my parents are divorced and remarried, they’ve been separated for over 7 years now, so my dad has always been involved in my life, he’s been in the military since I was 4 and had been in and out a large part of my life due to his duties with the military. My step dad has been in my life since I turned 15 and has always been so supportive of my younger sister and I, and has stepped up in situation where my dad wasn’t there or couldn’t be there and has always made sure we’ve had everything we’ve needed or wanted. My step dad is paying for my wedding. And recently I had mentioned him and my actual dad both walking me down the Isle because they’ve both been there for me, here’s where the water gets rough, so I mentioned to my actual dad about them both walking me down the isle and he says that he can’t do that because it’s disrespectful to him, and that he’s my father not my step dad and that he’s raised me most my life. Also my paternal grandmother also made it known that if my dad doesn’t walk me down the isle that her nor any of my family on my dads side will come, that my step dad “stole” his family! How can I go about making a decision where all my family can be there without disrespecting anyone? (Note): my step dad is more than happy regardless of his position in the wedding he’s just as happy being beside my mom as what he would be if he was walking me down the isle, he just wants me to be happy. I just don’t want to disrespect my dad nor my step dad and I want all my family to be there, what’s some ways that I can honor both fathers without offending the other?

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14 Comments

Latest activity by Taylor, on November 5, 2019 at 12:49 PM

VIP May 2020
Destiny · on November 2, 2019 at 6:41 PM
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Since ur step dad is okay not walking u down the aisle let your bio dad walk u, also saves ur mom from having tl walk alone. Thank ur step dad with a nice gift,letter,speach. N grandma needs to gwt over herself if they were divorced no 1 stole anyone from anyone
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Legend November 2019
Caytlyn · on November 2, 2019 at 6:42 PM
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I personally wouldn’t sway from your original decision. If they want to be childish and miss one of the most important occasions in your life, that’s their loss. I also don’t do well with ultimatums, especially from adults who are throwing temper tantrums, so I surely wouldn’t give in. If you want to come to some kind of compromise that keeps everyone happy, you could consider having bio dad walk you down the aisle, then sharing a spotlight dance with stepdad at the reception.
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Dedicated October 2019
Erin · on November 2, 2019 at 7:01 PM
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I had my dad and step dad both walk me down the aisle. They need to put their differences aside and be adults. They both had a big part in raising and shaping me and both deserved to do it. Here we are 🥰
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Master October 2019
Meghan · on November 2, 2019 at 7:24 PM
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I would not back down. I would sit down with your dad and explain to him how important it is to have both him and your stepdad walk you down the aisle. Your grandmother and the rest of your dad’s side of the family are acting ridiculous. I would tell them that it is your wedding so you can do whatever you want and what you want is to have both of your dad’s walk you down the aisle. Honestly, if they can’t suck it up for the 30 seconds it takes for you to walk down the aisle, and be there to support you on the biggest day of your life, then they don’t sound like people you would would want there anyway.
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Devoted September 2020
Mandee · on November 2, 2019 at 8:15 PM
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I would have seen red if my "father" gave me an ultimatum! I'm military marrying military and I get the unique challenges that comes with raising kids in that life. However, I would point out to bio-dad how when confronted with the same situation your step-dad gave you the decision and did not DEMAND ANYTHING!! I would also point out that step-dad is PAYING FOR THE WEDDING!!! Which is TRADITIONALLY THE FOB'S JOB!! So if he wants to be a titty-baby he can pay for the wedding and be the solo-walker!
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Savvy October 2021
Ashley · on November 2, 2019 at 9:03 PM
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Yes stick to your plan. It's not disrespectful for your stepdad to walk you down the aisle as well especially since he's been a huge influence in your life and he's paying. Grandpa is being petty. Would hate for family to miss for a reason so immature but do what makes you happy.
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Beginner July 2020
Taylor · on November 2, 2019 at 9:12 PM
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Alsooo my paternal grandmother think that it’s all about money because I made the comment that my dad has not contributed to anything, when it’s not about the money clearly my step dad is paying for the wedding but I would like for my bio dad to contribute his time, and I just know if I was to stick to the suggested plan of them both walk me that my dad nor will his family be there, I don’t want to feel like I’m giving into their motive but the only reason I’m having a “traditional” wedding is because I want all my family to be able to be a part of something special. I partially feel like I should just give my dad his way and let him walk me and then all the guest that are there including my dad and his family will notice that none of it would have been possible without my mom and step dad. And then it show how selfish my dad and his family is.
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VIP August 2020
Kathryn · on November 2, 2019 at 11:15 PM
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Girl, I'm so in your boat. My parents had a messy divorce, and my stepdad has been a huge part of my life because he really took over raising my siblings when my bio dad exited stage left except for holidays. People will encourage you to do what you want, and I say listen to your heart. Someone is always going to be annoyed about decisions that were made because everyone has their own opinions. What matters is what is going to be your wish. Your stepdad can be honored in a dance, which is what I'm planning. Or you can have them split the difference and each walk you half of the way down. Just make sure you're happy with the outcome.
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VIP September 2019
Mrs. Bubba · on November 3, 2019 at 7:42 AM
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Could they both walk you or one walk and the other do the Father/Daughter Dance?

Also, the Father walking the Daughter and “giving her away” used to imply that he had paid for the Wedding.
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VIP September 2019
Mrs. Bubba · on November 3, 2019 at 7:43 AM
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It isn’t really necessary right now?
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VIP September 2019
Mrs. Bubba · on November 3, 2019 at 7:43 AM
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In this day and time is it?
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Devoted January 2022
Natalie · on November 3, 2019 at 8:16 AM
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I can understand why you would want to give in to have your family there. But I would at least point out to them that they CLEARY care more about their pride and dad’s wish to walk you solo, than they care about YOU and being there for your day. The fact that they would miss it over a shared walk speaks volumes. Are they always this unwilling to sacrifice for you?

You can bring up the idea of one of them walking you and the other doing the dance, but I can almost guarantee they will hate that idea too. They sound spiteful and like they just don’t want stepdad to have any traditional father part in the wedding (except for paying for it, I guess!).
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Master September 2020
Nicole · on November 3, 2019 at 10:54 AM
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So my sister just went through this with her wedding, however, she didn’t tell our dad that she wanted both him and our step dad to both walk her down the aisle until the night before the wedding (dad wasn’t able to make the rehearsal). Dad ended up texting her the morning of the wedding that to keep there from being drama on her wedding day, he and his family just weren’t going to attend (thus creating said drama). I suggested to my sister to have my mom and step dad walk her down the aisle and it was beautiful. Step dad did the father daughter dance. If you’re adamant about both walking down, be ready for the chance that your dad is not at the wedding (and the relationship fallout that will occur). I’m currently grappling with my walk decision now (wanted mom and dad to walk me down, but not sure how dad will react), knowing the potential consequences. If you don’t have your stepdad walk you down, could you have him do a reading during the ceremony (if you’re including those)?
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Savvy November 2019
Taylor · on November 5, 2019 at 12:49 PM
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This is such a tough decision. I have somewhat similar family dynamics and my stepdad is paying for the majority of my wedding. My stepdad has always been there for me (since he married my mom when i was 7) and I consider him my father as well as my bio dad.
As hard as it is to remember, this is yours and your FH's day. If you want your stepdad and dad to walk you down the aisle, then that should be what you ask for. I'm sure emotions were just running hot with your fathers side of the family, so maybe after a little bit of time has passed you can bring it up again. Make sure to let your dad know that this is important to you and that it's not devaluing your relationship with him, but that you are lucky enough to have two wonderful men in your life that you want to share this special day with.
In my situation, I couldn't let my step dad not walk me down the aisle. After everything he has done for me throughout my life I wouldn't want to disrespect him in anyway.
In the end, it's your decision and it is up to your dad/stepdad to respect that decision. Best of luck to you working through these family dynamics. You can always Direct Message me if you want to talk through things!
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