Hesitant about Best Friend as moh

I would let her make the decision. There isn't anything that she's done to warrant being removed (and there's nothing that she would need to do for your wedding in the next year anyway), and removing her could negatively affect your friendship with her going forward. Since the wedding is a year and a half away, I would set this aside for now, and revisit the topic in a year.

There is no reason at all why any attendants should be chosen 1.5-2 years ahead. There is nothing for them to do during that time. The common time of when they should be asked is no earlier than 6-9 months before the wedding because they just need to buy a dress and show up at the rehearsal and wedding day to support you. As long as you give a save the date at 12 months (no earlier) then that’s all you or them can do. You don’t demote a “best friend” because they may have other commitments. A wedding happens once for most people and birthdays are yearly and many celebrate on alternating days when multiple events occur. Both of you are making this more serious than it needs to be. You wait until 6 months before the wedding to ask if they want to be a bridesmaid and give clear costs on their part and expectations that you have of them before you ask so they can decide without pressure of being put on the spot. You do not say anything about her not being allowed to be a bridesmaid. If you decide you don’t want her as one, you don’t say a word about it to her because that is impolite and seen as a friendship ender. If she is that anti wedding, she can and should decline all invites moving forward. Making comments as she has is a red flag on her.


In some circles, people don’t see the purpose of multiple “of honor” attendants because when everyone is “of honor”, no one is.
Also there is a huge misconception in society that people are excluded from all festivities if they are not chosen to be bridesmaids or groomsmen. Men generally don’t put the same emphasis on being offended because many can’t be bothered. But some women tend to say in the same breath that they are tired of being asked to be bridesmaids for multiple reasons (expensive, stressful, etc) and don’t find it enjoyable and would rather just be a regular guest having fun with no job at the wedding, they also say it’s hurtful and offensive to not include best friends and siblings/in-laws you have no relationship with to be bridesmaids/groomsmen. You can’t have it both ways. In real life outside of the internet, most women don’t get upset not being a bridesmaid. If having a job (bridesmaid, whatever else) is the only way to honor someone, then no one is in a passive guest role where they able to relax and enjoy themselves without responsibility beyond supporting the couple and having fun as they should. If someone doesn’t find being a bridesmaid to be an honor then it should not be forced on them, because that is not the only way a friend or relative shows support. Brides say they want “to include and honor” so and so , but being a regular guest is not acceptable. That’s what being a guest is, because they were chosen over the parents’ minister’s hairdresser’s cousin to attend. It’s offensive to those who may not have funds, time, mental energy or even want to, to be an attendant because the couple has chosen such a high bar of criteria to meet in order to reciprocally “honor and include” the guest.

I would think a wedding of a best friend would take priority over an out of state niece’s birthday party and she’s already said she agreed and will talk to the family about moving the date. You’re getting way ahead of yourself and haven’t given any real reason to uninvite her, something that would likely cause hard feelings or even be friendship ending. If she’s really your best friend ( by the way, bf usually stands for boyfriend here) she will likely prioritize you over anyone else, so I would not assume otherwise. The very worst that will happen is she eventually says she can’t accept or attend.


Hopefully you have no expectations of your bridal party other than for them to support you on your wedding day in a dress or outfit you’ve agreed on for budget and style. Anything additional, for example hosting a shower or planning, participating in a bachelorette, dress shopping, DIY etc is purely optional and voluntary on their part.
What are mh issues?

Kicking her out would be a friendship-ending move, and it doesn’t sound like she’s done anything close to warranting that. She identified a possible conflict and let you know the steps she was taking to make sure it wouldn’t be an issue. Kicking her out sounds like a massive overreaction, and this is supposed to be your best friend.

I agree with others who said there's nothing to kick her out over yet. But you also don't need to ask her until like 6 months before so she can shop for a dress. It's understandableshe would not know her plans yet this far out, but hopefully she realizes a wedding is more important than a five-year-old's birthday, which can easily be moved and the kid won't know the difference.

I guess the choice will be determined by whether you’ll still want to have a best friend at the end of this. Kicking her out is a very public insult and especially if she’s done nothing wrong. You’ll likely lose the friendship.