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Just Said Yes October 2023

Hesitation with forming my bridal party

Theresa, on January 15, 2022 at 10:23 PM Posted in Planning 0 5

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I just got engaged in August and immediately started jotting down ideas for my wedding. One thing I jotted down was the possible members of my bridal party. This is what I wanted:

Matron of honor: my sister-in-law (fiancé's older sister) Bridesmaids (five):- four best friends from college- for the last bridesmaid, I was debating between one friend I've had since grammar school and my fiancé's younger sister (if my fiancé had more groomsmen, I'd have both)
Today, we celebrated my mother-in-law's birthday and at her birthday lunch, my sister-in-law said their cousin made her the matron of honor for her upcoming wedding. She was complaining about not wanting the responsibilities of the MOH and how their cousin was expecting so much from her. She was also complaining about feeling weird about the rest of the bridal party because she didn't know anyone else and was worried if they were b*****s or whatnot.
Now, I'm scared to ask her to be my MOH. Any advice or input?
Also, how far ahead should I ask these women to be a part of my bridal party? I'm not planning on having my church wedding until 2023.

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Latest activity by Jacks, on January 17, 2022 at 10:16 AM

Rockstar December 2022
Michelle · on January 15, 2022 at 10:38 PM
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You pick your bridesmaids, fiancé picks his attendants. Unless you are BFFs with his female relatives, they stand on his side if he chooses to ask them or they are guests. Like he should ask a relative he is close to whom you have no relationship with to stand on your side. No matter who you or he picks, they are your closest innermost social circle. Not anyone asked out of obligation to please others who are not getting married or as a way to get to know someone or rekindle the friendship that faded.

Of the people you have listed, I would only pick your current best friends. The rest don’t need to be asked. I would absolutely not ask sister in law based on that scene. You know who you are closest to and who deserves the role. If you are remotely questioning whether someone is a good fit, don’t ask them.
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Super September 2022
Sarah · on January 15, 2022 at 10:51 PM
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I recommend waiting until you’re about 10-12 months out to ask them to be in your bridal party. This gives some time in case plans or relationships change but it’s not too close to your date so they have enough time to purchase their outfits.

My advice for you MOH would be if/when you decide to ask her just be up front and honest about what all you expect from her. Do you expect her to plan/attend a shower? A bachelorette party? Do you expect her to relay info to the bridesmaids or do you plan on doing that? Whatever it is just let her know and tell her that if it seems like too much for her you will not be offended if she doesn’t want to do it.
I think some people stress out when they’re asked to be a part of a bridal party because they don’t know what all it entails. So if she knows she may be more open to it.
Good luck!
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Rockstar December 2022
Michelle · on January 15, 2022 at 11:18 PM
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Also, because relationships change over time and there is nothing they need to do during your planning time, ask them no earlier than 6 months before the wedding. Ask them in person or over a phone call that costs you nothing and don’t give gifts because those put them on the spot to say yes even if they aren’t able to commit. If you do search on the forum, many brides asked the wrong people too early and are looking for advice on how to demote them to fill the spots with someone else without ending the friendship, which you can’t do. Asking someone to step down is the equivalent of ending the relationship so wait as long as you can to ask them.
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Super August 2023
Lunajay · on January 16, 2022 at 7:51 PM
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Since she is complaining about someone else MOH I would suggest to you to not have her as a MOH. Sounds like you could have both FH in the party at this point. Like Sarah said you do have time best to wait until the 10 month mark since you do have time.
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Rockstar November 2054
Jacks · on January 17, 2022 at 10:16 AM
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Sides don't have to be even in number or gender specific, so I would ask only those closest to you. Definitely wait until about 6 months out to ask anyone.
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Hesitation with forming my bridal party

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