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Kelly
Beginner August 2020

His ex wants to come to the reception??

Kelly, on September 10, 2018 at 2:16 PM Posted in Family and Relationships 0 19
For a bit of back story, FH was dating this girl, they got engaged hastily, she found out she was pregnant, they had a little girl, and she cheated on him and left.

So, they don't have good history. I'm trying to help them form a somewhat decent co-parenting relationship for the sake of the daughter, but it's hard.

When he told her that we had become engaged, his ex mentioned wanting to be invited to the wedding, and even extended an invite to her potential wedding in the future (to her now boyfriend).

I want to help them be somewhat decent to one another, and have the ability to be in the same room for things like the daughter's future graduations, but I also think it would be awkward.

I haven't said yes, no or maybe to her.

I need some advice.

19 Comments

Latest activity by Nov2018, on September 11, 2018 at 11:51 AM
  • Mrs. S
    Master November 2019
    Mrs. S ·
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    I totally get wanting them to co parent but for this situation I just don’t feel it’s appropriate. Just my opinion though
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  • MrsD
    Legend July 2019
    MrsD ·
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    I assume this depends on each unique situation. One one hand, she would be good to have there to take care of the daughter and watch her so you and your fiance can focus on you guys. On the other hand, if she seems like the petty type of person who wants everything to be all about her, I assume she'd do that at your wedding. Also, does she have any friends or family attending? Or would she just be awkward and alone?

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  • c
    Super May 2019
    c ·
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    Graduations, birthdays, etc are so totally different than weddings. I would say no.

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  • FutureMrsKC
    Master January 2019
    FutureMrsKC ·
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    I totally get wanting to help them, too. But, it's really between them. Have you told FH/what was his reaction?

    I don't necessarily think your wedding is the most appropriate place for her to be. I'd start somewhere else, like getting them to be civil to each other outside of monumental life occasions.

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  • kelsey
    Devoted June 2019
    kelsey ·
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    I understand being there for the sake of his daughter, but i think in this situation it's only appropriate for his daughter to be there.

    i don't really think its appropriate to have someone at a wedding that you were previously romantic/sexual with. Even if they were great friends now, its not appropriate to have her at a wedding, where you guys are confessing your love for each other in front of other people .

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  • Deirdre
    Super March 2018
    Deirdre ·
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    I've been to weddings where the couple had kids from previous marriages (that they get along with) and the ex wasn't at the wedding. I would feel a little weird having someone who used to have feelings for my H at my wedding. If it makes you uncomfortable I think you explain that to your FH and have him discuss with his ex. Unless he really wants her there for whatever reason, it's totally fine to not have her there.

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  • Kelly
    Beginner August 2020
    Kelly ·
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    FH actually isn't interested in having her come. It's mostly me that was hesitating. Her and I get along on a civil basis because I've never bad mouthed her in front of her or their daughter.

    When she's nice, she's okay to be around picking up/dropping off. When she's not in a good mood, she yells at my FH about stuff he has no control over/is stupid.

    She said she wanted to see her daughter be in the wedding, which I understand, I would want to be around any kids I had when they did memorable stuff, but I don't want FH feeling uncomfortable.

    She was being nice when she requested to be invited, and I'm just afraid saying no will make her have more negative feelings towards FH. And he already has a hard time dealing with her.

    IF we invited her, we would also invite her boyfriend and other child (no relationship to my FH). No one else at the wedding would be related to her or her friend.
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  • DC Wife 10.27.18
    Master October 2018
    DC Wife 10.27.18 ·
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    Do not get into the habit of being their mediator. It will only turn out badly for you. Having his ex at the reception is a bad idea. He needs to find another way to work with her for their child.

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  • c
    Super May 2019
    c ·
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    Exactly this. This is something your FH and his ex need to work out. You can give your opinion to your FH, but I wouldn't meddle too much in something they as the parents need to work out.

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  • 2d Bride
    Champion October 2009
    2d Bride ·
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    If I were him, I'd invite her. It's a minor thing, and if it helps them establish a better co-parenting relationship, I'd see it as worth it. I've never understood the whole idea that you can't have someone previously in a romantic/sexual relationship with one of you there. (After all, it's not like he still has feelings for her.) And for the record, I had my ex-husband at our wedding, even though our children are grown.

    However, you really can't be in the middle of their relationship. Ultimately, he has to be the one making the decision.

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  • HayMrsO
    Master October 2018
    HayMrsO ·
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    My ex husband and I have an amicable relationship. I, in no way, would want to be at his wedding. It would be completely awkward. There are no hard feelings. No feelings at all, really. I just don't think that as an ex, that is a place for me.

    I find it strange that she even asked. She want's to "see her daughter in the wedding"? That's what pictures and video are for.

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  • Brittany
    Devoted October 2018
    Brittany ·
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    Personally I'd say no. My FH ex wife and mother to his kids wanted to talk to me when she found out we were engaged and it was a hard no. I just feel it would be weird
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  • Kristen
    VIP August 2018
    Kristen ·
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    These situations can be tricky but it seems like you don't want her there so that is your answer. You're not obligated to invite anyone you're not comfortable with being there.

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  • Christine
    Devoted March 2019
    Christine ·
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    Hell to the N-O. 🙈 Sorry for the language but that's just so wrong and awkward on so many levels. The daughter could be there but not her.
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  • JENNY
    Beginner October 2018
    JENNY ·
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    Well my ex wanted to be at my wedding as well my fiancé was okay so do I ...and I seat back told myself not ! You don’t know what they have in mind or agenda ruine your day or that should be uncomfortable for both ex’s specially she left him ..nhaaaa
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  • S
    Dedicated February 2019
    Sarah ·
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    I've learned co-parenting can turn south quickly, but I would not invite her. No need to open up potential for more drama on your wedding day.

    I'm thankful we are doing a destination so that we didn't have to deal with a similar issue.
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  • Nicole
    Expert May 2019
    Nicole ·
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    I agree with PO that’s what pictures and videos are for. But a big NO on inviting the ex.
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  • BlessedBenton
    Dedicated December 2018
    BlessedBenton ·
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    Ehhhh... nada. Negative. No.
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  • Nov2018
    Dedicated November 2018
    Nov2018 ·
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    I have two kids from a previous marriage and he does too, our kids will be at the wedding, but our ex's will not. We all have to co-parent together, but our wedding is not the place for that as it's about FH and I and our kids becoming a family. My family will be there to help with my kids and his family will be helping with his kids so we can enjoy our night. FH's ex asked if she could OFFICIATE our wedding, they have a good relationship due to their kids and they both say that they were better friends than husband and wife, but NO, not happening!! Friends or not, our ex's will not be sharing in our special day.

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