Home improvements for backyard wedding at future in-laws: who pays?

Wow, that is a tricky one for sure. I don't think it's fair for your FMIL to demand major improvements be made and payed for in order to host your wedding. BUT I also don't think you can have your wedding there if she is not comfortable. My advice is to find another venue. I can see costs adding up quickly and things / relationships getting complicated / strained. A good friend of mine was originally planning a nice backyard wedding, but ended up finding out that the costs of rentals, etc. were more expensive than a nice venue that was close by. Sorry I don't have any more advice, but I hope y'all are able to find a compromise. Maybe instead of doing all of the things she is requesting, y'all can agree on one or two that will make her feel comfortable but won't break the bank either. Good Luck!

If your FH and FMIL feel that some larger projects need to be done to get it wedding ready, I think you and FH should pay for those expenses. I would maybe see if you can comprise on maybe some of the work that needs to be done. I don't think it's fair to ask your mother to pay these additional expenses or your FMIL since she is letting you getting married on her property.

Hm, that’s a tough one. I can maybe understand trimming trees if they are large and hang down, but struggling to understand how aerating the lawn is a wedding expense. When is your wedding? Is it this year or next? Perhaps what you can offer is to split the cost, yes they want their home to look nice for the wedding, but it’s also increasing the overall look/value for longer than just the day.

I believe eve at one point you could rent an aerator from Home Depot or Lowe’s, maybe it can still be a diy improvement? Why does it need to be a professional landscaper, can you buy or rent a tree trimmer and have FH do it?

If your FH thinks that major changes need to be made to his mother's home for his wedding, then he can take care of the expense.

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Thank you, Hannah! I agree with your advice. I will discuss this with my FH and perhaps we can make a budget just for home improvements and ask our FMIL to take that into consideration when determining what maintenance she'd like done for the big day.

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Thanks for the feedback, Danielle. I think your advice about compromising on a few improvements is what we need to try for first. I appreciate your insight!

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Hi! Thanks so much for your advice. Our wedding is June 2020. Evidently there are things that need to be done soon to the property to prepare for next summer...I'm just not picky about these things and am struggling to understand why they're necessary. I agree about home value...I'm hoping we can compromise on what tasks are actually the most pressing. I didn't think about renting equipment. That could help. Thanks again!

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Hi, Caytlyn. Thanks so much for your feedback! I have to give him some credit...he will be doing his fair share of DIY work and possibly recruiting some friends. I've offered to help as well. Ultimately, I just feel like if more and larger things need to be done then it's not really about simply getting the home ready for a large group of people, but possibly things that have been neglected for a while. Anyway, thanks again for your advice. It helps to have input from the outside.

There’s NO way I’d ask my parents to pay for renovations for my in-laws property—not sure if that’s how the MIL’s requested fixes would be paid. I would have her outline what she wants done & the costs. Then privately you & you FH discuss what you could comfortably cover. Offer to take care of the DIY projects/expenses and if the MIL wants more she can pay for it.

I’d find a nice venue as a back-up. If MIL wants $2K of landscaping but a venue wants only $1K (and does that include tables, chairs, linens, etc?), then choose the venue.

Lol, have you seen the episode of Friends where Ross gets married? That's all I could think about when reading this post, because in that episode the bride's parents were trying to get the groom's parents to pay for their massive home improvements as "part of the wedding" and it was a joke throughout the episode

Given that, I think the answer is pretty obvious that if she is the one who wants the home improvements done, she should pay for them. If she doesn't feel comfortable with you using her home as it is, or improving it on her own, then you should probably find another venue.

I suppose it IS her home and therefore she IS allowed to attach strings to allowing you to use it for your wedding (the strings being, that it needs to have these improvements made) but if you don't like these strings, I'd just decline her offer to host.

View Quoted Comment I JUST watched this episode of Friends like 2 days ago and, yes, this question made me think of that episode!

I think the big issue is if the repairs are actually necessary for the wedding or are they just improvements on the house. Not everything needs to be picture perfect for the wedding (and I'm doing a backyard ceremony). I understand that your fmil wants things to look just so, but if she's not willing to contribute to the cost, maybe the work isn't that important.

I can understand tree trimming and some lawn stuff, you should probably offer to pay for those as you're directly using the lawn and landscape for your wedding. Anything aside from the gardening I would say is unnecessary as it's your FMIL preference and not directly related to the wedding. I'd say make a budget and find where you'd be comfortable spending on the updates, then tell your FMIL that's all otherwise you'll be better off going with a venue. She should understand that.
I would not use your parents money to update the inlaws house.

I’m actually doing what you are and am getting married at my uncles historical mansion. Only thing is he has manners and when he wanted to make improvements to his land scape and exterior he did not ask us to pay or my parents to pay. He simply let us know what he was doing as to make sure the work wouldn’t change our layout. I think it’s ridiculous for FMIL and FH to ask you or your parents to pay for home improvements that they want, but you could care less about. Now, if you were demanding it, then yes you should pay.

Are there enough bathrooms at the house???

If you don’t want the major improvements the. She should pay. I Think trimming trees simple landscape should be payed for or done by you and your mom. But anything that she wants for the wedding should be on her,

If she doesn't want to pay for bigger fixes and you guys require them, you should pay for them. If she doesn't mind & wants them done, she should pay. But if she demands them and you don't care either way, she should pay.