Honeyfund poem

It's not the end of the world, but it will be the end of some of your guests generosity. No one likes getting hit up for cash, especially after they are using their time and money to attend your wedding. If you want to effectively bite the hand that feed (gifts?). By all means, poem away...

Wow. If you have to tell your guests not to be offended, clearly your doing something that people find offensive. You know it, they know it. Why do you want to do something that you know will offend people? The wording of this just feels so condescending, pretending you're saving me from a fuss and doing me a favour while talking down to me. Please rethink this.

This has no place in your invitation. Nothing about gifts does. We're not telling you that you should be asking for gifts instead of money, wanting money is fine. Just don't register and your guests will give you it. It works. So why make a fuss and do something you know offends people when there is a simpler option

View Quoted Comment Of course, anyone can do their wedding their own way, however it is rude behavior to ask for money from your wedding guests in your invitation. As humans we can all act in behave in any manner we want to, however, that doesn't make the behavior right or not rude. Similar, we all have freedom of speech. But, if you are using your freedom of speech to say hurtful things to people, yes that's your right as a human being, but people are still going to think you're an a-hole. Obviously, you are going to do you and it is your wedding, so you are right, bottom line you can send the poem. It just makes you a rude person because you are asking people for a specific gift. As PP have said, people will just give you money if you are not registered, you don't need to ask for it in a poem. It's your wedding, but you are doing something that could make your guests uncomfortable. Not to be harsh, but I think if you are going to purposefully do something that makes others uncomfortable, just because it's your wedding is very rude. So just something to keep in mind, are you a-okay with being a rude person. Best of luck with all your planning.

Putting anything about gifts in a wedding invitation is rude, plain and simple.

I would give this invitation a serious side eye and then happily walk myself to the mailbox to put in my decline RSVP. 🤷‍♀️

View Quoted Comment Its not rudr so all anf I'm not a rude person. This was a positive post not a "I'm going to be a hypocritic rude commenter" but thanks for your opinion!

Rude and honest are two different things entirely. I believe honeyfunds are rude and tacky and side eye anyone who has one- they come off as greedy to me. I cannot afford to go to Paris, why on Earth would I help pay for someone else to go?

ETA: Oftentimes members here will tell you things that your loved ones may think about you but would never say to you out of fear of hurting your feelings. I would be humiliated if my family and friends thought I was rude and greedy and didn't have the heart to tell me.

People aren't being rude, they're being honest. Disagreeing with you isn't rude, neither is stating facts. If you want to advise others to follow your lead, you should be prepared for others to point out why following that advice is bad. You've actually gotten some really helpful comments explaining what specifically is wrong with it and how many different people would react to receiving it so that you can guage how your guests will feel

Let me start by saying I don’t actually have an issue with the honey fund itself. But putting anything about gifts, even a regular gift registry, on an invite is telling everyone you require a gift in order to attend. And when you write “don’t be offended,” that puts in people’s heads that there is something to be offended about. You may have guests not offended, but then mentioning it specifically puts pause in their minds and they end up getting offended. It’s a real thing.

I wouldn’t do it, but like you said, it’s your choice. But if I were to see this included in the invite, I would probably decline going because it comes off as gift/money grabby.

I am not registered anywhere and won’t ask for money. I will have a place for cards at the wedding, but honestly, I just want my family and friends to share in this special day with me without making them think they’re only invited because a gift or money is expected of them.

Please have a small registry so those who would be “offended” can still purchase something for you instead. With that being said. Cut the poem. Just don’t list your registry and people will get the point. I want cash for my wedding too but when I get an invite to wedding where they send me this stuff I auto roll my eyes and often decline. It feels like the only reason they want me there is for money and that bothers me. I’ve been to plenty of weddings that we just gave money and the reason is- they didn’t have their registry readily available.

Separate the rude. There is a difference between calling a person rude, and calling an idea rude. Here are a few key points that guests may read from this poem, that you are most likely unintentionally trying to send.

Control - Just like you don't like being controlled (e.g. having a cash request poem despite it's distaste), guests also do not like being told what to do. You cannot control what your guests decide to gift, nor can you dictate what you prefer they bring.

Ignorance - Cash is the given route for wedding gifting, you don't need a poem, a Paypal, a Honeyfund, anything. In almost every culture, the gift of money is normal. You insult your guests with a poem. It makes them feel used, unappreciated, and that you believe they are too ignorant to make their own choice on whether to gift, and what to gift if the they choose to do so. Take the backlash from complete un-invested strangers that you have encountered on this forum as a sign of how your guests will feel reading something like that.

Stigma - Whether true or not, having any sort of cash grab whatsoever implies you are financially incompetent. As soon as you ask for monetary donations that is for something that non critical and a luxury, you immediately place yourself as socio-economically inferior.

To you it may be just a poem, but it speaks volumes to your guests about you and your FS. It speaks to your character, your integrity, your manners, your ability to provide. It's never going to bring the positive reaction you are hoping for. All the best.

However anyone wants to do their wedding is A-okay

Sorry to disillusion you Amber, but that's simply not true. It also doesn't help other brides to read misguided information.

Including any reference to gifts with your invitation is simply rude. You don't invite someone to your wedding and in the next breath say "and this is what I want as a gift." You can include a link to your website where you can include the cringe worthy poem.

You have already chosen not to believe what anyone here says about good manners. Do an internet search or go buy a Wedding Etiquette book and both will tell that you don't ask for gifts with your invitations.

As another poster already suggested, it is considered in poor taste to mention ANYTHING about gifts on or as a part of the invitation. Even putting registry information is considered in poor taste.

I’m not a fan of honeyfunds or invitation gift mentions but I’m even less a fan of bad rhymed poetry. I’ve seen this on invites before and it seems super low class.

This poem honestly makes me cringe. I don't need to be told to gift you cash. I'm an adult, and am fully capable of writing a check, or checking for a registry. The poems don't make it any less cringeworthy to me, they actually make it seem worse.

I love your positive attitude! I think this is so cute and something that wouldn’t necessarily be considered rude around my area. We are doing a Newlywed find toward our house instead of toward our honeymoon. But I personally think that not everyone has to follow by these crazy “rules”! My wedding will be nice but I am not spend tens of thousands on it. I Say good for you! If someone would be rude enough to purposely give no gift or some crazy gift they know you wouldn’t like they should just decline the invitation. And honestly I’m only inviting our closest friends and family and if they were petty enough to decline coming because of a poem I wouldn’t want them there anyway!

Candace- these crazy rules is simple etiquette and actually guests are not required to give you a wedding gift. They are customary but not required.

View Quoted Comment I totally agree with you on that! I asked pretty much the same question a while back and mannn did I get rude responses!! Lol I dont know why people say its rude, tacky or what not since in my opinion with a registry I do the exact same thing telling my guests what I want. Where I am from we also put poems into the invitation. I personally think its rude as hell if I give you a gift out of YOUR registry and find out 3 years later you haven't used it and it's still in it's original packaging. That's what we call rude in my country. But anyways everybody is entitled to their opinion. But when I read that it might be the end of friendships??? Like what???? Over a wedding gift??? People that get offended by THAT usually are not my friends anyways ....to bitter. Okay I'm done 😁
Rhyme away 😉

View Quoted Comment Thank you!! Its so nice to see someone be positive on here like I originally intended!! I agree whole heartedly with everything you said 😊