Honeymoon fund, no honeymoon?

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In general, I think guests should just not be misled about where their gift is going. Like above, where I said my friends had a Zola registry that just gave them cash for all the gifts instead of actually buying them. So I thought I had bought them plates, but I really just sent them $100 cash and they never got the plates. If they hadn't registered, I would have just given them a check. I think in this case, I thought they should have used the gift for what they said they were using it for, the honeymoon, and they should have anticipated that they may not get enough to cover the trip and adjusted accordingly or just scrapped the specific honeyfund

View Quoted Comment The issue is that people don’t think they’re gifting cash when contributing to a honeyfund. They think they’re paying for a specific thing the couple will do on their honeymoon, like a couples massage or dinner for two at a hotel/on the beach. I gladly give cash to all my friends when they get married and I’ve never thought twice about how they’re using it, but if I chose to pay for an experience for them, I’d want them to do the thing I’m gifting them.

Yeah this would definitely rub me the wrong way. If I'm specifically contributing to a honeymoon fund, then that is because I want the money to go towards their honeymoon. Otherwise, I'd just write a check for a random amount. Why have a honeymoon fund in the first place if you don't intend to go on a honeymoon? That seems disingenuous

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I think this is 100%.

View Quoted Comment I guess I just don’t see it as that big a deal 🤷🏼‍♀️
They couldn’t afford the trip, or something came up, or whatever the situation. Maybe your friends with the Zola registry had full intentions of getting those plates, but ended up needing the money for something else more. Or maybe they changed their mind on the plates. Or maybe they found plates they liked better. It doesn’t mean they intentionally misled their guests. If this pandemic has taught us anything, it should be that life is full of the unplanned and unexpected.
I have to say, I disagree with the mindset that a couple should already have the money to pay for their honeymoon prior to setting up a honey fund. Most people use the honey fund to FUND their honeymoons (like, it’s literally in the name lol). When they set up registries for gifts, should they also already have all that money put aside to purchase those gifts in case someone else doesn’t get them for them?

View Quoted Comment Again, this just seems like a gift with strings. I think once you make the decision to gift money, your part of the transaction is over. That’s just my personal opinion though. And I will admit, I am a very laid-back, chill type of person. I don’t tend to insert myself in other people’s personal affairs, or get worked up over (or even think for one second about) small things like this. So maybe I am just coming from a different mindset/outlook.

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I get where you're coming from. Like Elizabeth said, I don't care what you do with the money if I'm just giving cash. I just don't like being misled.

If I think I'm buying something off your registry but I'm really giving you cash to buy it yourself I've been lied to. It's not strings attached, I thought I was buying you something you wouldn't buy yourself, but then you didn't even do that? I get changing your mind, but that's what returning a gift is for.

Ultimately, I don't like feeling like I'm being lied to. I thought I was giving you money to go on your honeymoon, but you didn't go? It's just weird to me, but maybe it's because I value honesty above everything else.

View Quoted Comment I guess I just give my loved ones the benefit of the doubt. If they say they plan to use the money on something, I trust that was their plan. If they didn’t end up using the money on that, I also trust they had a good reason not to.

i don't think i'd care that they didn't use the money for the honeymoon cause at the end of the day it's still my contribution to them and people's plans change

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I'd love to, but in the case of the Zola couple, they literally told me later that they had no intention for using the money for a lot of the items, but they just put things on because cash gifts are less common in their circle. They told me because they were giving me this as a tip for my own wedding (which I obviously won't be taking)

View Quoted Comment Well then I guess I would revert back to my original statement LOL I would much rather the couple just tell me what they actually want rather than me wasting my time and money going out and getting a gift for them that they don’t want, won’t use, and will likely either throw away or donate. It sounds like these people have friends who would rather give them a useless item then just give them the monetary gift they actually need. So rather than receive unneeded/unwanted gifts, the couple found a way around it 🤷🏼‍♀️ This is no different than receiving an unwanted gift, then returning it for the cash (like a previous poster mentioned they should have done). Except that it takes a lot less time and effort on both party’s parts. If I were going to get offended by either one of these actions (I wouldn’t), I think I would be more apt to be offended by the couple returning my gift, rather then using the money I gifted them for something other than what they originally stated. But again, I am admittedly a very laid-back person who does not easily get upset or offended by small things like this. Once I have given a gift, I don’t care what the couple does with it. My part of the transaction is over.

That whole situation sounds like a lot of very poor decisions were made by the bride and groom and I don't blame you for feeling salty.

I also agree with the majority that there is nothing wrong with preferring cash (who doesn't love cash!?) or with anyone who wants to gift cash. The problems come from couples using misleading ways to ask for cash and feeling inappropriately entitled to their guests' resources.

That example of Zola allowing people to appear to be registering for things but instead just receive money is actually shocking to me.

I had a friend do this once. And apparently it had been her plan all along, because they just wanted the money. Honestly I was hurt, because I felt lied to, but I would have given her the same amount of money whether it had been for a trip to Europe or just cash. They had some background stuff happening in their lives too, so I was trying to be understanding of that. Ultimately, I just didn’t want her to feel like she had to have a charade - my gift wouldn’t have changed.


In defense of Honeyfunds - another friend sent her wedding thank you notes as postcards, from the places we had paid for them to go!! It felt really really special and personalized. Half the time I forget when I get couples, but I will always remember the time I paid for my friends to go hiking in Peru!

Hello! I completely agree. I think it's rather rude for a couple in their 30's both with good jobs and already living together to have the audacity to put airfare, hotel expenses, AND restaurant expenses on their wedding registry. They were scheduled to go to Spain in June 2020 and because of COVID had to reschedule and ended up moving the date so many times they ended up getting married at Chicago City Hall. The original wedding was to take place at a venue in Michigan, so one has to take a car to get there, the couple, they're family and all friends live in Chicago so it was costing gas and lodging off the bat for everyone. Then, in the midst of all of the COVID shutdowns already happening in the country, the bride waited until exactly ONE MONTH TO THE DAY, to postpone the June 6 wedding date. We were out airfare, car rental AND hotel deposits totaling over $5,000! EVERYONE LOST MONEY. I'm still angry with her selfish decisions. Any thoughts from anyone?

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That's fraud ion my book... The wedding gift registry is way out of control, and I definitely think these unassuming couples are being manipulated by their "wedding planners" for sure.

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It's not up to the guests to fund their honeymoon. That's just irresponsible. Next the wedding registry will have a listing for the wedding itself!..IMO, this is all too common with this generation ...If you can't afford something, you wait until you can..Simple.

I think this happens more often than people realize. Only one of the weddings I attended that had a honeymoon fund actually had the honeymoon pan out, and that honeymoon was already planned and paid for before the wedding - what guests gifted the couple just offset the cost or added on additional activities or experiences for the couple to do while on the honeymoon.

I would consider it incredibly rude to have a honeymoon fund if you are having a destination wedding. Many couples never get to go on a big/international trip ever, or very few in their lives, and asking for money for a second vacation when you've already demanded they offset your first is beyond greedy IMO.

View Quoted Comment This. Everything associated with a wedding is optional. People don’t want or can’t afford a big party so they go to the courthouse. Other people want a big party but they go to the courthouse and say afterwards “that wasn’t real. It was just paperwork “. Completely offensive to the first group.


We would love to go to Thailand for a honeymoon (won’t happen largely because of borders being closed) but we would never ask guests to pay for that. It used to be that if the couple could not afford a trip, they did a staycation at home or in their city. Nowadays people seem to want everything as long as someone else pays, and a honeymoon has always been an optional expense that the couple is 100% responsible for.