Honeymoon Fund?

The reason it is offensive is that asking for cash in any format is offensive.

Honeymoon funds are also disingenuous. The couple and the fund both imply that guests are giving a cruise, a spa day, an upgraded dinner etc, but they are not. In reality, the guest gives cash, the fund takes a cut, the couple spends the money however they choose and the guest never knows if you took that sunset cruise or not.

The old fashioned way of guests giving cash or a check in a card worked just fine and the couple got it all, with no fee deducted.

Honeymoon fund sites take a percentage of what your guests give you. That’s how they make money and stay in business. If you don’t register or just make a small registry most people will just give you a cash or check. Which you can use the entire amount for your honeymoon or whatever you wish!

Two main reasons why it's disliked here. First, it's rude to ask for money. Second, each of those sites charges fees, so you aren't getting the full value of the gift. OK, a third reason. Many of those sites say "pay this much for this activity". The problem is, you don't get the activity. You get money from the site up to several weeks after your wedding. Frankly, people know that money makes a great gift. Plenty of poster here have validated that if you don't have a registry or a small registry, the majority of guests will give you a card with cash or check enclosed. No fees and immediate or almost immediate use of the funds.

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Ah my total lack of knowledge of any of this stuff is showing I didn't even know that's how those sites work! Totally get it now.

I have heard this on WW many of times. So much so that FH and I are just not doing a registry anywhere. Well today 3 of my lady guests asked me why I'm not registering, and why not just do a honeyfund. I tried to explain to them that its rude to ask for money (you know everything I have heard on this site). Their response to no registry was this: it makes me as a guest feel anxiety because now I don't know what to get. I don't want to cause my guests anxiety and I guess giving money wasn't something they just felt like doing.

I'm not sure why so many people here have trouble with a Honeyfund type of registry (especially when so many guests give cash anyway). We registered for traditional gift products and put "honeymoon wish experiences" on our registry. Because in our opinion it's rude to put registry info in any invite, we only told people who asked. Some people brought gifts or cash to the wedding, some bought gifts or gave us money via online registry (yes, they take a fee, it's small, not an issue)--but it was their choice. With gifts/money sometimes stolen at weddings I can see why some guests would prefer going through an online registry.

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The solution to stolen gifts is already addressed by standard etiquette. No gifts should be brought to the wedding- physical or cash. They should be sent, mailed or delivered to the couple's home prior to, or following the wedding.

There is a huge difference between asking for cash and being given cash. One is rude. One is not.

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That's a good idea to only tell people who ask! It does feel a little telling people what kind of gifts you want with the invite.

I have no issues if a couple has a honey fund. I've said in other posts that I loved the idea knowing a couple is enjoying ziplining on their honeymoon thanks to me! Also, at least Honeyfund does NOT take a percentage from either you or your guests if you use it the way it is intended. If you're just going to cash out, then yes, they'll take a fee. If you put it towards excursions, gift cards, etc. then there is no fee.

Don't let others discourage you. It's not rude. You're not asking for money, you're asking for an experience. Times are changing and this is becoming very common. Many couples already live together before marriage and don't need or want "stuff". Not everyone enjoys just writing a check. And if a couple wants a trip, I'm more than happy to contribute and know that my gift is something they will enjoy.

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I don't know if there's a standard etiquette anymore. Everyone who brought a gift or card with cash had our mailing address but didn't use it.

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What it does mean is that there are a lot of people who were never taught etiquette in the home or elsewhere.

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Oh yes, that would be awkward (and offensive to some if you put it in the invite).

Whatever kind of registry you do (product or "experience"), register for a lot of small dollar amounts $5-$20. Some people like to buy a lot of little things, and sometimes people who can't attend would like to send you a little something but it's tough if you look at a registry and everything is like $50-$100+.

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Maybe that's true. But times are changing and weddings are changing. So many couples already live together and registering for "stuff" doesn't always make sense. It's also sad that gifts are sometimes stolen at weddings (I think that's why our DOC moved our gifts/cards inside behind the bar). Hey.... who knew 10+ years ago we could go online to buy wedding stuff, find vendors, and chat with other B&Gs? Some changes are good.

View Quoted Comment I don't know of one person who didn't bring a card with cash to the wedding, if that was their gift. That's not against this ettiquette you push so much.

View Quoted Comment I got the SAME response from a handful of people!! We have been in our home and together for 15 years.. we have 4 kids, all we want is to go away for a week! Lol. I personally have been to 4 weddings that asked for people to just donate money instead of buying crap that you don't need. I feel like times have changed and people no longer need household stuff because most of the time they already live together!

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That was my thinking too! I'd personally love to help someone go on an adventure. I mean in the end, I'm going to spend money on a gift whether it's a juicer or snorkeling. Might as well be on something that they truly value

I am planning my own destination wedding and am asking for no gifts. But, we were just invited to a wedding and unable to attend. We went to the wedding website and they had a honeymoon fund. I gave a cash gift, left a message, and didn’t have to go out to buy a card to get in the mail. It was the first time I have seen that but found it to be a great idea!

I think that the people you are inviting to your wedding, your friends and family, obviously know that you already live together and would understand that you don't really need very many materialistic things. I think a honeyfund is an acceptable request in your situation, and I think you friend and family would understand and be supportive! Why would they want to buy you things that you already have or don't really need? I'm sure they would love to do whatever they can to make your wedding great for you!

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I share what good etiquette is, as there are a lot of people who are totally unaware. Everyone is also feel free to ignore good etiquette, if they so choose. In that case, they make a deliberate choice, not an uneducated one.

ps everyone can find this information with our friend Google.

View Quoted Comment Or books on etiquette! Some even have updated with the times like Emily Post's book. @Muriel I really liked your initial explanation for the honeyfunds.

I lived with my husband prior to marrying him and had a lot of "stuff". We also love to travel and it's our main shared hobby...but we also don't like our guests being scammed by a well marketed website. We made a few small registries with upgrades and we had most of our guests gift us cash for the wedding, no fee required.