Honorary Bridesmaid?

The only reason I could see doing this is if someone was asked to be a bridesmaid and is unable to do it for financial or time reasons, but the bride still wants to honor them on the program and such. But that doesn't like this that's what this is...

The term angers and annoys me. I'd absolutely say no if someone asked me.

As far as the card you posted goes, fuck that.

But if someone is not in the wedding and is helping a lot, I still don't like the title of "honorary bridesmaid."

It's like "sorta pregnant" or 'sorta dead" you either are or not.

It's insulting and stupid.

The only time I've ever seen anything like this was when someone had a destination wedding in Jamaica and her friend couldn't attend, but still wanted to be involved with the shower planning, bachelorette, etc. so she was declared an "honorary bridesmaid"

I could see it being used in like a retrospective way like "Omgoodness you've been so helpful, you're basically an honorary bridesmaid at this point, you're the best" but actually asking someone to be one and giving them the title is like "Hey I don't think my bridesmaids are super helpful but you're a really organized and geographically close friend, will you do a bunch of projects for me??"

So I've actually seen this happen twice. Both times it was because the bride wanted a lot of bridesmaids. Wedding #1 had 4 BMs and 8 honorary bms. I can't remember how many Wedding #2 had, I think it was 6-7 BMs and another 6 honorary. The honorary bridesmaids still had to buy a dress, both times the dresses were coordinated with the bridesmaids but the honorary bridesmaids wore the short version of the dress. They still walked down the aisle, but then sat in the front row while the BMs stood up front. Not sure what the deal was with hair and makeup - but yes, unfortunately I have seen this done!

13 bms is insane. sorry.

I am having my closest aunt as a personal attendant, which sounds to me like an honorary bridesmaid according to the article that @Elizabeth posted a link to.

I prefer the term personal attendant, she will help me get ready, have my emergency supplies, make sure that all of my personal items get packed up after we are ready, etc. She is honored that I asked her to do this and be there for all of the special parts of our celebration (RD, getting ready, sitting in the front pew during the ceremony, etc.).

Otherwise, I am thinking if there is a close friend or family member that you wanted to be a BM, but they declined for whatever reason, they could be considered an honorary BM. However, they should not be expected to bear the same responsibilities of the rest of the BMs.

I think this means by a hostess. Or at least thats how I would take it. I have been a hostess in several of my family's wedding. Help out is the task in general but more specifically you give out programs, help with seating, escorting men to seats, you get to participate in any prewedding events (showers, parties) but its not as expected you attend or help plan/host those unless you want to help the BMs, and you also wear the wedding colors but don't have to buy a specific dress. Whoever asked might not have ever heard of a hostess or maybe she's making this up.

@Lynnie that sounds like she just had a whole bunch of bridesmaids but ran out of space on the altar. Wasn't it awkward for those deemed not important enough to stand up? How did she split the groups?

Why do you need to call them a personal attendant even? Just ask if they can help. I'm not sure I understand what's the fuss about it?

I'm going to tell my best friend- yo- I need your helping putting this shit on, taking it off to pee and I need you to hold some shit for me while we take pictures and all the while feed me booze- and by feed me booze- I mean mimosas in bottles with silly straws for both of us.

And that will be that.

You're either a BM or not. No "Honorary"

I think this would be very insulting.

@Jeanne it was definitely awkward. I knew one honorary BM and she just kept saying "I have no idea what I'm supposed to do". She didn't know which bridesmaid activities they were supposed to participate in and which ones they weren't!

It's just stupid

I've been asked to be an honorary bridesmaid and like many of you, I do feel like it's a slap in the face. Not to mention there are 14 bridesmaids and 6 honorary bridesmaids....I need advice on how to politely decline. I think the bride is doing this from a good place and I don't want to hurt her feelings, but I don't want to be included this way.