Honorary Bridesmaids

Depends if you actually mean that they'll just be guests or not. One of my friends got married last March, and I and another friend were her honorary bridesmaifs. while she told me and our other friend to our faces that she wanted us to be bridesmaids, she said she was obligated to ask her cousins first, so we got bumped down to honorary. However, we still went to all the events, we set up the venue, we helped clean up, we did all the bridesmaid "stuff" but spent the entire wedding in the back while our fiances (who were groomsmen) were in the wedding and spent half the night at the head table without us. We ended up bonding because of it but it made us feel less valuable.

Oh yea no they are definitely guests. I wish I could have them as well but it’s just a lot.
(2 of the 8 girls in got married & I wasn’t in their wedding). And I would like them to attend the bachelorette party.

i was planning to give them the bracelets and notes maybe a week before the wedding. I’m very sentimental and I want them to know they are special to me too.

View Quoted Comment In that case, I say go for it. Who doesn't like to be invited to fun stuff like a bachelorette party? Plus it will be sentimental between you and them that you value them as well and if you had the room, youd have them standing with you as well. It's cute, and might make them feel good if one of them is bummed out about not being a bridesmaid.

It's rude. Like a second tier consolation prize.

ETA: The bracelet idea is nice.

The bracelet idea is nice since you value their friendship. The honorary title is not. It says “I like you but you aren’t important enough to make the cut”. Also please have a plan in place for clean up that is not your BP’s responsibility. Look into a DOC, see what your venue offers, hire someone etc.

Please don't do this. Yes 15 is a lot. But an honorary bridesmaid is like saying you're not good enough to actually be in my wedding. They can still attend the bachelorette party even if they're not in the wedding. I think the bracelet and the note is a bit much for people that aren't in your wedding party. You can find another way to let them know they're important to you around your wedding. Maybe be sure to get a professional picture with just them or with them and your bridesmaids. Or you can just let them know how important they are too and make it nothing to do with the wedding. But I think honoring them in the way you're describing just says "You're second place."

I think you should just ensure they’re invited to your shower and your bachelorette and that you try to spend time with them individually. The bracelet idea is nice but I wouldn’t do it for two reasons.

1) If I was in their shoes, I would find the bracelet and note a bit odd and I would feel like it highlighted the fact I wasn’t asked even more. If I wasn’t asked to be a BM but we were hanging out and I was invited to the shower and bachelorette, I would be completely okay because I understand everyone has had different walks of life and you can’t choose everyone to be in our wedding party. I likely will not even be a BM if and when my MOH gets married. She went through a lot before we met. I am 100% okay with that. If she asked her wedding party and then gave me a note and bracelet, I think I would feel worse like she’s trying to tell me I can’t be one.

2) Do you have other girlfriends you wouldn’t have asked who are coming to the wedding and/or friends with these eight girls? I’m assuming you do. Should the eight girls slip and say something about their new jewelry or nice note, I would prepare for some hurt feelings for any friends who didn’t get anything.

I had had one friend in my wedding party and the rest family. None of my other friends were upset they weren’t picked to be MOH and we had a blast at all my pre wedding activities. I think your intentions are sweet and I’m not trying to be rude - just trying to point out it’s probably not as big of a deal as you perceive and can do more harm than good.

Don’t mention anything to them- they can still come to all the pre-wedding fun but like pp have said, it makes them second best and even if they don’t say anything, they will definitely be hurt over it.

Give the girls their bracelets on each of their birthdays. Giving the bracelets a week before the wedding and making them an honorary anything is similar to saying, "you didn't make the cut to be a BM, but here's your consolation prize."

Look, adults understand that they can't be involved in every wedding that comes along. I think many brides overestimate how girls feel when not asked to be a BM. Quite frankly, being a BM can be pain. You spend a lot of money, you probably help throw a couple of parties and you don't have anything to show for all that expense except another dress in the closet that you may or may not wear again.

Please don't do this. If there is even the slightest chance that someone will feel second-rate (which someone absolutely will) then you shouldn't do it. Invite them to the bachelorette party & bridal shower if you are having them, and give them the bracelet if you think it is something they would enjoy.

Forget the bracelet and any other type of "honorary" title/gift. They are still your friends, people know you can't have 15 bridesmaids and some people make the cut and some don't. Just treat them as you always do, with respect and love. You can still invite them to your bachelorette and any other wedding event you feel inclined to include them.

Include them in the bachelorette.
if you have something for all 15, you could give bracelets and notes then (as say, a thank you for celebrating with me this event)

”honorary” means “ehhh you don’t quite make the cut” ...people understand you can’t choose everyone. But giving someone that title is a little too explicit of a way of saying “well I thought about you, but you didn’t quite rank high enough” ...it’s perhaps counterintuitive that ignoring it is the nicest way to go about the issue of not choosing everyone, but, it is.

Thank you everyone for your thoughtful responses.
i’ll definitely be foregoing the “honarary bridesmaid” idea.

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Yes, and then your friends that don't even get the bracelet feel bad too. Like really bottom of the barrel. Even 8 attendants feels like a huge amount. I will have 0, but I REALLY wouldn't want more than 2 or 3. And so much extra expense and drama!