Honoring late husband at wedding ceremony

I also lost my husband two years ago and will be getting married again to a wonderful man that understands our loss. It’s unfortunate that there was such a closed minded aspect to many of these comments. All I can say is that I pray they never know the anguish of loosing their spouse and father of their children. Thank you to the ladies who chimed in that have lost their first love or are just able to understand the loss that is present in their fiancé’s past.

I know this is a past topic, but my boyfriend lost his fiance 5 years ago to this day. She died from a drug overdose and he found her and she was on life support for 5 days. She was 29.


We started dating about 9 months ago and very openly talk marriage and kids and he is absolutely the love of my life.
I have no doubt she brought us together.. too many weird "coincidences" have happened.
I have been grieving with him the last few days. Just learning their story and seeing their old Knot website (I had found it when I Googled him when we first started dating).. seeing how pure their love was pains me. Not because I'm jealous but because my heart hurts for both of them. I knew bits and pieces of their story, but we really dug a lot deeper getting closer to the anniversary. I found out small things about her. I enjoy crystals and it turned out so did she. He told me thats something he's kept of hers. Tonight as he dozed off, I asked him if he would be comfortable if we displayed her crystals and I explained I don't want him to ever feel like she has to be hidden.
People are surprised by how much empathy I have and have told me that is not common. I couldn't believe that, but reading posts like this are so disheartening.
He is the person he is and has the ability to love me the way he does because of his past. To take something away from someone like the memory of their love that passed way too soon is selfish and callous. Also, she seemed like a beautiful person that had her demons and kept them hidden too well unfortunately.
He has always been so respectful about bringing her up around me and I felt like kept so much inside (probably because he thought I'd react like most of the people here) but I 100% feel she is part of us and maybe that doesn't make sense to others but I sense her in our relationship and that gives me peace that she's there with us.
I think it's so sad that people expect others to forget the dead for their sake. If you can't love someone selflessly let them find someone that can.

View Quoted Comment Hi, if you don't mind me asking what did you guys do?


I explain my story in the post above and I would like to brainstorm a few ideas.
Congratulations on your wedding!

View Quoted Comment Thank you!! Totally agree. I feel the same about my boyfriend's fiance that passed.


I'm saddened by how many people don't see this.

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My sister and her husband walked down the aisle right before me with a picture of my late husband and then we had the picture sit in a seat during the ceremony. We then displayed it throughout the reception alongside a picture of my new husband’s father, who passed. It was subtle but still really meaningful. 🤗❤️

View Quoted Comment Replied to your question below!

If it means a lot to you your husband and children, then I think you should have something separate on the same day as your wedding day for just you all. You could buy another set of clothes for you all to wear, decorate the room say what you need to say eat his favorite food and take pictures.

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Margie,

I TOTALLY agree with you! I lost my husband 4 years ago, and will soon be marrying a wonderful many who not only lost his wife at the same time (only a month apart) but also knew my husband for many years prior to either spouses death. I am trying to come up with vows for us that not only acknowledge both of our late spouses, but even honor the reality that in many ways we are creating a marriage of 4 people - not 2. Ours will be a marriage of the two of us, but we both bring our late spouses into this union as well. I completely understand and even respect your desire to honor his late wife.

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I agree with you. I would never wish the pain of losing a spouse on anyone, but it is certainly a thing no one can truly understand until they have walked this lonely walk. I am a widow of 4 years now, and will soon be marrying a widower, also of 4 years. We see our marriage as a marriage of 4 people, just as much as a marriage of the two of us. We believe we bring both of our late spouses into our new union.

The people who said not to probably haven’t lost a souse. Im also a widow remarrying and think it is perfectly respectable to honor the late spouse.