How are you saving money?

I realize this is an older post, but I just want to say that deposits or no deposits, if you have college debt and little savings the cold hard truth is you can’t responsibly afford to spend 27K on a wedding and may be better off losing a few deposits rather than spending money you have no business spending. I’d rethink and consider eloping, doing city hall and a restaurant meal for immediate family, postponing a larger reception until some future anniversary party, for example.


Unfortunately, you have it backwards. Your finances in no way justifies charging your guests for their rehearsal dinners, asking BMs who have not offered all on their own to work at DIY, not their job incidentally, or having a cash bar. Host what you can afford, period, even if that’s a single glass of wine for a toast, a bowl of punch or host at a time of day where you serve no alcohol.

From the beginning, we sat down and decided how much we were willing and able to spend without assistance from others. Also thinking back to weddings we enjoyed as guests vs what we have seen online that is “tradition” that we are not comfortable with but is pushed as required. We also thought about who are our must have guests. We never once considered inviting anyone we don’t like to please other people.


Contrary to popular belief, we actually saved quite a bit of money by having a blank slate venue. The all inclusive venues we looked at had way too many restrictions for our comfort. We would be required to have 6 figure catering/bartending that we could not sample until after the contract was signed, along with being required to use expensive vendors we were not impressed with and no option to remove anything.
There is a huge misconception that being in very high cost of living major city, that we have no budget options at all. And that we must only fall prey to the Wedding Industry Complex gaslighting. We actually had a wide range of budget options and didn’t have to look far to locate them.
As far as bartending, our families and friends don’t drink beer or wine at all. Picking one signature drink would not work because of so many varied tastes. Nor does anyone enjoy champagne. It was cheaper to serve open bar liquor that we purchased and nonalcoholic beverages for the non drinkers.
The best food we have had as guests was actually from local restaurant catering, so that was our first choice for our guests and it worked great. We were able to send home leftovers with guests if they wanted. A tiered cake was cheaper than cupcakes or other desserts and made sure that everyone got the same options.
Real flowers were the only option we considered. Luckily we had the option of a local wholesale flower market open to the public being in a major city. However we knew that DIY was not an option because it does not save any money. Unlike people who told we would save money, we factored in that our time, labor and sanity cost minimum wage per hour and for most things it was wiser and more economical to hire vendors. In the flower district, we were able to find vendors who arrange wholesale flowers at a lower price, including any and all arrangements. We skipped the ceremony arch because we didn’t care for the look and it doesn’t serve a purpose.
In our families, save the dates are sent via word of mouth or phone call which costs nothing. We were able to find an independent print shop that designed the invitations, including the details card and reply card, which people skip these days claiming they are too expensive.
We also skipped signage except that of the escort cards and food/beverages.. In our circles, there is a designated person who greets guests and gives any information necessary. If we were to have signs, no one would read them. We did make menu cards for each seat with dinner options to keep the lines moving because they know what is available before they get up.
We also skipped favors because we have never seen any taken as guests. Even brand name candy couldn’t be given away at the end of the night.
Absolutely no destination weekend bachelor/bachelorette parties.
I don’t own white clothes and I wasn’t about to buy expensive white attire just to follow the Wedding Industry Complex mandates.
We skipped the room blocks because no one was going to stay in the same hotel. Paying for transportation and lodging for guests is not the couple’s responsibility in our circles. The same applies to covering attire costs for attendants, which is not done. We also were able to skip welcome bags.
We debated the welcome party vs rehearsal dinner. Welcome parties are not done in circles, but we wanted to have a small reunion with guests before the wedding day. We still had the rehearsal but we skipped the rehearsal dinner and just did the welcome party with a variety of pizzas and sodas that were delivered to a local community center. It worked out well.

View Quoted Comment I absolutely agree with everything you said!

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