How can I cope with my fiance's tendency to talk to his friends about our personal problems?

I would not tolerate having him talk about it with female friends. I just don't believe in that kind of thing either. It's one thing to talk with your male friends, but a female is a no-no, because she would just be waiting to hit him at a weak spot. Hell no!!!

I do talk about some things with my best friends because they will call me out on my shit if I am being unreasonable. I think it's good to get different perspectives.

You don't cope. He either stops or else. I would be humiliated if my fiance did this to me. There are just some things that you DO NOT share.

You talk to your boyfriend/fiance and let him know how it makes you feel.

^^ what they said. if he doesn't respect your feelings on this then honestly you are doing the right thing if you call off the wedding. this ish would not fly with me or my FH

Hi Jinjer,

This is something that you both HAVE to be on the same page about. The reason is because you will start to resent him for doing what he's doing. You're obviously hurt by his actions and he needs to either step up and respect your wishes for privacy or you will have to change your outlook.

Yes, some people do this. Some people have specific groups of friends that they turn to, to vent, to ask advice of, etc. Personally, I do not vent to my girlfriends or guy friends about anything in my relationship with Kyle, and he is the same way. We are both on the same page about this. It's important to us to never tarnish the image of each other in our friends' and families' eyes, and it's equally important for us to be able to communicate with each other.

You need I talk to him about your feelings and how it is hurting your relationship. Maybe compromise. Maybe he is allowed to talk to his closest male friends about things he needs to vent about, but never female friends. Also, he shouldn't come back and say "I was talking to so-and-so about this and he said this."

I talk to my gfs about things sometimes and I'm ok if he talks to his male friends too...as long as I don't know about it and don't hear about it later. I know he talked locker room type talk with his ROTC buddies when we first started dating, and I didn't care as long as try didn't say anything to me. I was the same way with my girls. If it is something really important though, keep that between you two. I'd be really upset if FH was talking to girls about me

Its bad that he does this, obvs. But do NOT go blab to your friends to cope! That's not healthy. If he refuses to stop, frankly, that's a sign to me that you're not his main priority, and you need to find someone who will make you that. Hard to hear, I know, but so much better to do this now if need be!

My FH used to talk to his best friend about our sex life until i caught on and reamed him out about it. But he never discussed it with girls. And he never talks about our problems either, thats something that you two should keep between you two. Nobody else needs to know. You need to make it clear to him that your personal life is NOT to be discussed, with ANYBODY. That is disrespectful and rude. If you dont tell him, how will he know you are upset?

When I was feeling unstable in previous relationships, I did talk about my feelings with my friends, male and female. It was the only thing that kept me sane. Of course, there is a reason those relationships never worked.

I don't typically discuss Lee with other people. Sometimes I might mention something to one of my close GFs, but nothing ever serious (and we don't really have serious problems). Because like Tatiana, I don't want to ever paint him in a bad light.

I think some people have different ways of dealing with things. If this is his way, it's his way and you just need to decide if you can live with it or not. There's nothing wrong with not being able to. Lots of people can't.

Personally, I see nothing wrong with this. I talk to my friends when I feel stressed or something else is going on even if it is in my relationship. I think if he were bottling it up there's a good chance it would get much worse and he would just end up exploding one day. Also, sometimes having other input helps because the friends could have experienced something similar and could give good advice on it

He doesn't have to bottle it up. He just needs to speak to YOU rather than everyone else, Jinjer.

He should not be discussing any issues with any females and anything major/personal should be kept between the two of you. Otherwise, I think it's healthy to vent a little sometimes. No one is perfect and it helps when your friends might be going through the same type of things or have or even just as a different perspective. It's important to be on the same page about this though. You should talk to your FH about your feelings and how you can compromise so each of you feel respected.

It's not a tendency; it's a behaviour and it has to stop. You make it clear to him that this is non negotiable.

I think some level of discussing things with friends is normal - sometimes you need to talk to a third party about something to hash it out.

That said: if you've told him this makes you uncomfortable and he continues to do it, that seems like a big red flag/signal of other future communication breakdowns to me. I'd seriously consider doing some pre-marital counseling to sort this out. Going and talking to your friends isn't going to solve anything.

I found out after I divorced my ex and he didn't keep his mouth shut about anything. His brother's ex-GF filled me in on the details of my mediocre love life. WAY WAY inappropriate.

What happens between you -- including personal problems -- is sacred. Both of you have to agree to share it, or one of you will feel betrayed. That's enough reason for him to stop. Also, you explain to him that what he tells a few select people will not stay with those people. People talk -- it's what they do. Eventually, your personal issues (individually and as a couple) will be thrown around in settings that involve people who don't really even know or care about you. If you have to go to extremes to make him understand, ask him how he would feel if you told a few of your male and female friends that he had sexual dysfunction issues (ask him to imagine that he does). That one usually brings it home in a memorable way. If he really is having a hard time dealing with issues, the office of a counselor is the place to reveal them. Confidentiality rules in professional setting

Have you ever told a friend sex or something else that was bewteen the two of you? I understand you are a private person. Some times people need to talk to someone else about something. Maybe you discussed a fight with your mom to him? Try to talk him. Tell him how you feel. Do I think you should say If you ever say anything about us to anyone then it's over? No. For the female friends, you should be able to trust him. If you don't, maybe there's more problem than just him talk to people about the problems that yall have.

I agree with everyone else here, you need to talk to him about the situation! Talking to your friends if that's not your normal coping mechanism won't help, it will just make you angry. My FH also talked to his friends about our relationship and when I realized he wasn't just talking to one or two friends, I was so upset (mainly because he meant to send a private message to a FB friend and instead the conversation ended up on his wall, where both my sister and I saw it). I told him that I don't talk about our relationship to anyone and I don't appreciate him talking to everyone about it. It was bad because one of his friends decided to talk to my bestie and give her advice to relay to me. My FH now knows that if he is going to talk about me, keep it to one or two people or just come to me. That's the only way to have an open and honest relationship!

A relationship is an intimate thing that requires trust. Unless you signed something that made it OK for you to both talk about your personal affairs outside of the relationship then I wouldn't stick around. If you are reaching out to us then that means it bothers you enough and you know this behavior is deal breaker. Everyone woman deserves to be secure and not feel vulnerable by her partner busting wide open the doors of their relationship to those not involved.

Oh hell no. I'm sorry you are having this problem, I'd feel the same way you do if I was. Communication is key but the communicating should be between the two of YOU, not outside the relationship. And certainly not with other females.