How did every stray pube in the house end up stuck to my wedding gown?

My wedding is a week from today and I decided to try the gown on for the first time since I got it back from the final fitting in January. Now, I am glad that I tried it on, because it reassured the irrational part of my brain that was afraid that it wouldn't fit any more, and I was able to take a needle and thread and tack down one of the bra cups better. But what I wasn't really thinking was that we have two cats (one black) and we haven't been vacuuming as often as we should. I walked back and forth to the bathroom in it a few times, and sat down on the bed to make sure I could sit comfortably. When I took it off and hung it up I saw hair all over the back. Cat hair, human hair, and worst, human pubic hair. An hour and six lint roller sheets and I still keep finding more. When I reach to grab a pube, the static electricity makes it skitter across the chiffon away from my hand, like "I want to be part of this dress forever! Don't you want me to be a part of your special day?"