How did you answer nosy questions about your wedding?

Maybe I’m crazy, but I don’t see what all the dramatics are about asking your date or wedding colors. Those are hardly “mysteries.” Your mutual bride friend is probably asking questions because...well...she’s also getting married? Maybe there’s more to the story you’re not sharing. I suppose if you find all of this so offensive the best way to respond would be “I’m sorry, we’re choosing to keep all of the details between us, we want everyone to be surprised on the big day.”

1. It will be on the save the date. Keep saying that if they keep asking.

2. You know her better than me, so have a serious talk with her to explain how you're getting flack all around.

3. You'll find out when you get there. We will let the person who we decide know and would appreciate if everyone stops asking or there won't be any.

I'm sure there are others details, but really...just remain firm. If you are seen as a B, oh freaking well, it is YOUR day. They can suck it up. "I'm not talking about the wedding" -change the subject, rinse, repeat.

To be honest you sound really bitter and dramatic about people asking questions, and already stressed over minor things. It’s natural for conversations to flow into things that people know is going on in your life, that’s what creates conversations. If you don’t want to answer questions, just say “I appreciate the interest but i want to keep all of my details a secret for the element of surprise!” A lot of people on here get upset that other people in their lives, don’t share in their excitement of wedding planning and details but it sounds like that isn’t the case here.

Don’t respond. Tell them you don’t want to talk about the wedding. Actually say “I’m not discussing the wedding. I can’t believe your life is that boring that I am news to you.” And walk away. If they don’t like it, than you won’t be dealing with more questions at your wedding.

Two weddings that I went to had the same mother of the groom. She had to ask each bride point blank how much her dress cost and where she got it. Now, my FI said “She’s Eastern European” and he was instantly sorry the moment he said it because I responded with “I’m Eastern European too! But when have I acted like that?”

Don’t answer questions. It’s called a communication black out.

I understand exactly where you’re coming from instead ofneverything coming offnas happy its coming off as nosy. The only thing I disagree with is the when is the date? I’m a super planner and it gives me anxiety not knowing things cause I mark them down ASAP esp if it’s someone important to me or my FH. But I’m really sorry you’re going through all this it sounds really strsssful

I think the previous posters all gave good advice. My only other thought is that when you marry someone, you also marry into their family. Unless he’s planning on ditching his family, you need to figure out how to communicate with them without being stressed or upset. I would assume they are asking so much because they care, not for any malicious reasons. Maybe you could find them something they could help with so they could be involved but within boundaries you are comfortable with.

I LIKE surprises for weddings. Like I am not going through all this trouble to fricken tell everyone every single detail of my wedding. FH's family is really nosey. They literally looked up my wedding website before it was even ready and I had not even told anyone about it. It was super annoying and now I have a passcode on it. Idc, it's my day stop butting in. FMIL and my mom both ask similar questions about our first dance song and dress colors. I told them but I just find it annoying like why does it matter TO YOU what our song is? When we picked our venue friends were like wherrreee is it? I'm like you'll find out when you get the STD. I would just say "I am not sharing wedding details I don't want to. Some things should and can be left a surprise. You will find out, be patient!"

I would just let them know that you would like to have some things be a surprise. I also have nosy family (tons of aunts) that want to be involved in everything. I’ve let them come dress shopping and given them some information but the rest will be a surprise.

Do you have a wedding website? Maybe tell them that you want to keep some things as a surprise for them so the night is that much more special/memorable for them and to check your site for updates on details that are not part of those "surprises". If it's not on the site it either hasn't been decided or is part of the surprise.

I am so thankful to not have this issue so the above is just my theory of how I would try to handle it Good luck!

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Exactly what I came here to say.

For general things, “we haven’t decided yet” and move on, steering the conversation in another direction.

THAT said, the examples you’ve numbered out don’t seem at all invasive or nosy to me, so I think also just letting the secrecy go a bit and not presuming everyone’s trying to get crazy on the details are important too. Honestly it’s bizarre to me that you wouldn’t just respond to the text with the date— that’s not a “secret” and doesn’t need to be kept as such. People are just curious for planning. Sure they’ll know when they get it but it also doesn’t hurt anyone to know now. Asking what your colors are is actually helpful and important to people— I don’t care much about peoples’ wedding plans, but that one I ALWAYS ask so I don’t accidentally end up in a dress that matches the bridesmaids!
In general, weddings are just an easy topic — “hows wedding planning going?” became the new “how are you doing?” from my acquaintances to me when we were planning, it’s just easy conversation.

Truly nosy MIL though, simply “we haven’t decided yet” or “we’re keeping those details a surprise” and subject change.

I simply smile and tell them that I wish to be very private about the wedding because:
1. I’ve gotten negative and judgemental responses that I don’t want to hear anymore,
2. My mom told everyone her wedding plans back in the 1980s and someone hired a wedding crasher to purposefully cause a scene to stop the wedding from happening.

Is your future MIL contributions any funds to your wedding?

I know how you're feeling. I'm trying to keep things that other people don't need to worry about to myself, except his family keeps asking questions about the dessert, my dress, the bridesmaids, etc.

1. I will agree with a pp that people want to know the date so they can mark it in their calendars sooner than later! It's up to you to keep that to yourself, but you might risk having them already be booked by the time your STDs are received.

2. She might be nosy, but she might also want to chat wedding because she's going to be a bride too and she feels connected to you that you are both planning a wedding. If it really is that overwhelming, just let her know politely that you'd prefer not to talk too much about the wedding because you get stressed about it easily. She should probably understand.

3. I think you handle the family just fine. "We're not sure yet, we're still deciding." They're going to say what they want to say. If they want to tell you to hurry up, just politely say "thanks, we're going as fast as we can but there's a lot to consider."

People are excited, and as annoying as it is that they're bombarding you with questions, it's likely happening out of the goodness of their hearts rather than malicious intent. I also get overwhelmed when others ask me too many questions, and it's mainly his family. So I'm lucky I have quite a bit on my plate right now and can't go over to their place as much anymore. But I've voiced my frustrations to FH and I've told him that I really don't want people to talk to me about the wedding honestly just because I don't care about their opinions about whether we have real or fake flowers. I'm going to do what I'm going to do, especially if it doesn't affect the guest's experience. He's actually be really great about it and has taken it upon himself to cut in whenever his mom asks too many questions and puts it on himself and just says, "I don't want to talk about the wedding anymore." The next time they ask me questions about my attire, I'll say I want to keep it a surprise. Just be firm if you tell them something and stick to it even if they don't get the hint.

Personally I was always afraid to tell people things because my tastes are different from a lot of the people who'd ask questions and I didn't want to deal with them saying they didn't like it or "ugh don't do that." I basically got by by staying very vague and turning the conversation to be about the person asking (people love to talk about themselves) so something like

Person: "What kind of food are you having?" Me: "Our venue has SOOO many choices, do you remember what you had at your wedding?" (or what's your favorite wedding food) Person: Goes on and on about food and next thing you know the topic changed to the weather.

I also never voluntarily shared info with anyone but my parents (who I'm extremely similar to) and my Grandma that thinks everything I do and say is amazing lol

I know it seems overwhelming now, but people won't ask this many questions forever.

I was so very afraid of exactly what was happening to you that I “cheated”. The entire wedding is planned, dress is ordered, we are doing minibook invitations from Minted which have all the details. We are going to announce the engagement and either time the mail for those who are not local and hand out the rest.

Sort of not traditional but I didn’t want the drama. I hope it gets better for you soon.