How Do i Ask for a Bridal Shower?

Sorry about all this, but you shouldn't ask anyone for a bridal shower. If someone were able to, they can offer, but it's not a requirement. You won't be missing out on much of anything if it doesn't happen. If your bridesmaids are too busy, you're right in thinking it would put a lot of undue pressure on them if you asked.

I’m sorry to hear about what happened with you and your mom. I agree with PP - you can’t really ask anyone to throw you one. A bridal shower is not necessary though so don’t worry, you won’t be missing out - I am not having one and am just looking forward to all the other awesome wedding stuff!

View Quoted Comment Interestingly enough. I read a Martha Stewart article online that says that it's okay to ask for a bridal shower. How about this instead of a bridal shower? Why don't you just do a bridal brunch where there are no gifts expected. You can ask one of the ladies to officially host it but maybe you can help them plan? Yeah, you'd be missing out on gift, but it's okay.

View Quoted Comment I like that idea. It’s honestly not the gifts I’m afraid of missing out on. I just want to get the women who I am closest with together to mingle and play a couple games. It’s the experience more than anything.

View Quoted Comment Me too. I think that really sometimes brides want to have these special events because we just want to feel special and I don't think that that's anything bad. Everyone be at their birthday, be it a baby shower, Whatever deserves a little special moment to feel like a princess or whatever. So I know what I'm doing with my maid of honor and others perceive it to be tacky. It is what it is, but she's going to host a bridal brunch for me, but I'm going to help her pay for it and I'm going to give her some idea to leave the planning to her. Like you I just want to celebrate with my girls and I just want to have a special day because I honestly thought that day may never come. Call me pretentious if you want, hahaha.

Unfortunately, you aren’t supposed to ask for showers to be thrown in your honor. I think the best option in your situation is to mention to your step-mom & FMIL that you feel like you are missing out on things (ie: shower) due to the situation with your mom and see if either of them steps up.

It would be extremely rude to ask someone to throw you a shower.

I read somewhere about a bride having a bridal lunch where, instead of gifts, everyone brought a copy of their favorite recipe for the bride! Not sure if you like that idea, but I thought it may be a good way to connect with your guests without asking for gifts. I would just have a conversation with your step mother or FMIL about how you’d love to have a big get together with everyone before your big day!

So I know you're not supposed to ask for a shower, but I also feel like maybe FMIL FSMIL might not be stepping up because they don't want to upset you. Maybe they feel like it would be over stepping or like they were trying to replace your mom and they don't know how you feel about it.
This might not be a popular idea, but what about having FH talk to them? Not demanding or anything, just saying hey, she feels really let down and this is our big day and I don't want her to feel like she missed out on these events. Would you guys be interested in helping? Then I would offer to help plan. My mom is throwing my shower technically but I'm planning most of it lol.

I completely understand this feeling. My mom and I are still talking, but she isn't thrilled about my marriage and wasn't going to throw me a shower. To be honest, I don't care too much about the gifts. But I do NOT like being the center of attention in a big group setting and felt like a shower would be a good way to "practice" being the bride. I also haven't exactly felt like the bride the way I thought I would and I knew this would help.

It took my MOH talking to my mom and basically saying, you can either throw her a shower or I'll work with your sisters and throw her one. My mom is doing it now, but it really hurt my heart that she didn't want to celebrate me.

The wedding shower is going to be at my Grandparents farm and be pretty simple. My FH and his family will be there to officially meet my family before the wedding. My FH has met my grandparents, parents, and siblings, but none of my extended family. I think it will be a good time to make introductions and enjoy each other's company.

Yes, as other's have said, you're not suppose to, but who cares. It's the one time you're getting married and the worst they can do is say no.

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Thank you for your response! I really appreciate you sharing. I also hate being the center of attention, but getting married is a one time thing and I don't want to look back and think "I wish we would have done XYZ". A couple of my bridesmaids are really busy right now, so my FH offered talking to my step mom and FMIL.

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Thank you for your response! My mother offered and I had already been helping making plans. I even have items purchased - that I bought myself - for the shower.

Asking my FMIL and step-mother were actually my FH's idea. We had a conversation about everything that is going on between me and my mother and he doesn't want me to miss out on anything because of what we are currently going through. This is supposed to be one of the happiest times and he doesn't want her to take that from us. I think I might ask him if he could talk to them, especially since it was his idea to begin with.

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I like this idea! Thank you for sharing!

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That's awesome! And yes, I agree with all of this. I think letting your FH stand up for you and ask is a great idea. Best of luck!!

View Quoted Comment Yes. A bridal tea, not necessarily tea but small sandwiches and appetizers and beverages rather than a meal, is something a bride or a bride and a friend can do. Or a bridal luncheon. Or just a party, not specifically bridal, but to make sure you spend time with all your friends, having spent so much time on your wedding that you may have really neglected some friendships. As hostesses you pay. But it can be as simple and economical, or fancy, as your budget will handle. As long as it is not a shower, and not a gift giving occasion, that is fine, in terms of etiquette. As for asking other people: Martha Stewart is not and never has been a person concerned with etiquette, or proper manners ( or even the law, she went to prison for a reason ) . She makes her money from the wedding industry, and home goods industry, for recommending that it is always a good thing to do any party that relies on buying stuff, decorations, entertainment items, and gifts. If you wanted to throw five parties where you asked people to give you gifts, she would be a great resource for how to prepare everything for the parties. But your friends and family would still be horrified that you could be so greedy. Because Martha Stewart does not care if you should do it, she only tells you how to do it. A good deal of the articles on WW and The Knot are the same way. Why you can find two articles which recommend opposite things on the websites. One is giving the answer the wedding industry would like people to believe, that every bridesmaid should expect to spend $200-500 each to throw parties for the bride. Sounds great to meet brides who do not know better. The other reflects standards of good manners. What most people over a long time agree is right. As in, any close friend of the bride, whether in the wedding or not, or close relative, may volunteer to give a shower, and because BM and MOH are from that group, very often some of them volunteer to do a shower. But no one should feel required to do it, or be asked by the bride. And those who give the party, decide what to do, within their budget. That is the generally accepted etiquette. Don't rely on MS for what is good manners. That said, as with most things, there is a socially acceptable thing, letting it be known that the original volunteers are no longer planning a shower. And you are afraid everyone thinks they are, so no one else will volunteer. And you are sad about that. Even just desserts and coffee and music and talk, nothing fancy, was something you had looked forward to. Then if people know your original shower is not happening, someone may volunteer. Also, from one who has been in a lot of weddings, and also given many showers for people when not WP, just as friend or cousin, I can say that a lot of times when I ask others to do it with me, the first thing they say is, I have been wanting to do one, but so many brides, or MOB, I have known, have expected parties where hostesses spend hundreds of thousands on restaurant parties for 40-50. And having been stuck with a $400 bill for my share before, I can't do that. People are actually afraid of some bride's expectations. If you let it be known that you were never expecting anything expensive, just a fun homey gathering, you are more likely to have people volunteer.
And lastly, there is nothing wrong with your FI outright asking his family, MOG or aunt, sister, to give you a small shower. And include a few of your friends and family, and a few of his family. But again, as he is asking, he needs to be clear that he is not expecting a huge thing. Just something so you feel his family is making you welcome. 🙂 My whole bridal party was far away, from 7 hours drive to overseas for my entire engagement. But I never had to hint or ask. Perhaps payback for having given more than a hundred showers over the years, 3 friends in different areas gave me small, 12- 15 person showers. And my MOG invited 3 BM and MOH and a few of her family to hers, near her and them, and FI and I drove the 7 hours to the party. But each hostess, including MOG, was in at least 2 other weddings, or pregnant, that summer. So they were all small budget home or back yard things, home cooked baked goods or meals. And the very best part, with such small groups, present opening was easy, relaxed, and I could properly talk to each person while doing it. Not feeling on center stage for a crowd. I hope you get a nice shower, or throw a small non-shower party, and enjoy the company. .

Some people might think it’s rude but I say just ask. I get the point of a shower is to receive gifts, but to me personally that’s not the point. I want to celebrate my future marriage with the inspiring women in my life that have gotten me to where I am in my life and I know that they want to celebrate with me. I know if I didn’t have a shower I would regret it. Maybe you could just describe the situation to FMIL, not necessarily ask, and maybe she will volunteer? That’s the nonconfrontational part of me speaking lol. You could also have a small gathering and say on the invite that it’s no gifts.

Have your FH speak to his mother himself and state that you are sad missing out. She will take the hint.

What if your FH asks your stepmom or his mom about hosting? Then it leaves you out of the equation. He can explain the situation to them and how it would mean a lot to you and see where it goes

I say just ask for one! If they say no, leave it be and just host a bridal brunch yourself as a get together!

I'm the first daughter to get married in my family so if I didn't have a conversation with my mom I wouldn't have gotten anything haha. She was honored when I asked her to do host it with my MOH and aunts!

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I was thinking this too, or you could bring up to your bridesmaids that your and your mom aren't speaking, and you are sad. Maybe they will get the hint too, without you directly asking for a shower.