How do I deal with my dad's wife?

Hmm..perhaps you can talk to your dad about it, but you said she won't let you talk to him alone. I would simply say to her when she tries to but in that this conversation is between you and your dad only and you wouldn't intrude on a private conversation if she was having one. And when you get him alone, explain that the wedding is small and only the closest people are invited, and unfortunatley, that's not her children and you simply don't have the physical and monetary space for them, and that you hope he can still make it to give you away even if his wife can't travel. It sill baffles me on this lady and her thinking..she has to bring her three kids but might not be able to make it because of her back?? makes no sense..With the current day I'm having, I'd really like my response to be let her have it..but we all know that's usually never the answer, so I hope what I siad helps you at least a little!

I would talk to your dad about it all. even if it you cant reach him on the phone, maybe an email or even a weekend trip jsut to visit him & her. & maybe talk to him & her at the same time about your concerns and plans. tell them flat out it is adults only & an age limit has been set. you dont even have to explain yourself by saying i didn't invite so & so either, because it is your wedding, you tell them how it will be & if you are paying for it...then they either follow your way or look like an a$$ the day of by bringing the children. personally I think she is acting like an immature brat & is just trying to take the shine off of you because maybe she is jealous of you & she knows by doing this, it will ruin your wedding day or at least make you stressed out prior to it. kill her with kindess & be very stict & outspoken of what the day will be like and let her look like an a$$ the day of & be babysitter if she doesn't listen & brings her sons.

Have you tried calling him while he's at work? Maybe he doesn't have the kind of job that allows for that, but when I want to talk to my dad alone, that's what I do. Not that I don't love his wife to death, I do. But his household consists of himself, his wife, her four daughters, my two brothers, three dogs, four cats, and a parrot that never shuts up. lol.

I feel for you - you should definitely have your father give you away at your wedding. And you should have the wedding you want!

You really need to talk to your father alone. You have that right, as his daughter. I'm not sure how you can pull that off - perhaps a father/daughter breakfast or lunch? It sounds like his wife just has too much influence, and she really needs to step back. It's your father's place to tell her that. I wish you luck!

Sometimes, it's easier not to have those people there. I can't tell you how many of my female family members tried to take away from my joy on my day.....I would have my Mom walk me down the aisle if that is the case.

I'm speaking from experience so listen close. Your step mom isn't going to be happy until she is in charge. There are 2 ways to handle this. 1. Let her be in charge 2. Find someone else to give you away and make it clear to your father that she is the reason you have done this.

Your step-monster sounds like, well just that. I agree with the ladies above, you need to be able to try and get your dad on the phone alone or perhaps write him a card and mail it to him at work. I had one of these too once and my dad dropped her like a bad habit after a while. I am sure that your dad like most men it appears these days are clueless as to what is going on, give him a chance; after all you are his baby girl!

I'm not in the exact same boat as you, but maybe the next one over? My dad re-married and things have been hot and cold. (Did I put it nicely enough?) :o) At any rate, I can never talk to JUST him on the phone. It's always got to be the both of them. Last night, with over a year and a half to go, "they" told me that they might be able to do something closer to the time, but they would just rather not commit. (There's a ton of background here . . . let's just say my college fund magically disappeared and I've been working my own rear off since 15 to pay for almost everything.) At any rate, just remember it is your day. You have every right to dictate who comes. My dad and step-mom said they can't come to any of my events if my mom is there. (Funny, as she's not the one that cheated or re-married who she cheated with.) At any rate, I told them that I am doing everything once (one engagement dinner, shower etc.), and should they choose not to come, that is their decision to live with. :o)

I am so happy to hear I am not the only one in this boat! My dad and stepmom are exactly same and it always has to be "them" and never just him and I since we are all "family" now. My stepmom is insistent on planning my bridal shower but wants to handle the guest list alone so that she doesn't have to invite any of my mom's side. I live 3000 miles away from where the shower will be so theres no way I could have 2. She has her own daughter but is insistent on planning something for the wedding so that she can say she did it - not because she genuinely cares!! I can't let her do the shower bc it would be ridiculous but I am thinking of asking her to do a brunch or something instead - this way she can focus her energy or something else!

Isn't it FRUSTRATING?! Ugh. And they've got NO clue either. ALSO, you could explain why you're upset and what you want until you're blue in the face . . . and they'd still NEVER get it!

I feel your pain and envision it becoming mine. My FH step mother hasn't even taken the time to congratulate us on our engagement but she has had time to call up FH's sis asking all sorts of personal questions about how we're going to pay for the wedding and then tells her that they along with FH's mom should all get together and do the bridal shower when the mom and step mom can't even be around each other without slinging insults. I can only see this getting worse in the year and a half to go till the wedding. I would love nothing more then to cross step mom off the guest list but it's obviously not an option.

You're definatley NOT alone! As you can see, no family is perfect! You have to do what you know in your heart is right and it is YOUR day. My father was out of my life for 5 years. I have had such a hard time trying to decide if he even DESERVES to walk me down the isle. My step mom runs the show! My dad has to "sneak" me 20 bucks every now and then when i see him without her knowing. They are supposed to be paying for my dress, but not without much hesitation from my stepmom. Its ridiculous, why would any woman want to be with any man who didnt want to take care of his daughter?!and give her whatever he could? I feel like you should just in front of her tell your dad how you feel! It would feel really good if nothing else to just say hey, I want you there, but if she isnt going to allow it, its your loss!! Good Luck! I know how you feel and you are not alone! You will get through it and you are going to have a FABULOUS day! no Matter what!!

Thank you all. I didn't really want to confront her because I thought it was going to cause more problems, but I suddenly (after reading the responses) got the courage. I can't talk to him while he's at work and she doesn't work. They only live ten minutes away so I'll just stop by this weekend and tell them. My sister said she would come be my moral support and my little brother (only 5 years younger) said he would give me away if our dad lets me down. I'm really happy to know I'm not alone at all! The rest of the wedding plans seem to be going smoothly so I am thankful for that. My FH and I are paying for everything but the caterer and our mom's are splitting that cost, neither of our dads are even pitching in! So here it goes....I'll let you know how it went! Thanks again and good luck to you all!

Eh, it's his wife. I feel like you kind of have to suck it up. I really doubt you'll notice her much on the day-of. Everything goes by so fast.

I wish that was the case but I have a strange feeling that even on the day of, she will be trying to have my wedding go her way. I've already prepped my bride's maids to keep her away from me. She isn't allowed to touch my make up or hair or dress. She really is pretty awful. She called yesterday to ask which hotel I booked for her and which train to take and where I will be reserving her a rental car. I told her that she turned down my offer to get her a hotel room 3 weeks ago. The train is not a good idea because of the location it's a lot quicker to drive and she's on her own with the rental car. I did put the link on my wedding website, but really am I supposed to do everything for everyone? I'll take care of the hotel.

I agree with Lora. I myself would go with option 2 but I'm not close to my dad, and he's not giving me away anyways. I do however have the EXACT same situation with my grandfathers wife. She even went so far as to plan a vow renewal (at 12 years in) around my wedding, stealing all of my details, Even bought MY dress (though after lots of family pressure I ended up with it after all). You can't let her get to you,. I did and I ended up physically SICK from the stress (passing out, turning ghost white, throwing up). Don't let that happen hun. It's not a feeling you want to remember as a part of your wedding.