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Beginner August 2018

How do i explain to guests that we will not be serving alcohol?

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Nicole , on January 3, 2018 at 8:22 PM

I am a converted Muslim and my fiancé is Muslim . We are planning on have a small party/reception maybe like 50-75 people . We do not drink because of our faith and my fiances family does not. My family does drink. I suppose this would be a clash of cultures but I’m not sure how to deal with this. My family is used to very American wedding traditions where liquor is served hands down. My fiancé’s and his family are accustomed to Muslim/Arab type weddings where alcohol not being served is normal. Does anyone have any advice for me on how to handle this ? I do not personally want to serve alcohol and put money towards something we do not believe in consuming. But I also am afraid that my family/friends might not understand this at all and would be disappinted at my reception, get bored, leave early. I also feel bad flying people out to come to this event who expect there to be alcohol like they are used too. I understand in American traditions, serving alcohol to your guests is regular and part of being a good host . But since we also hold Muslim beliefs and have two completely different cultures in the room I see this maybe being an issue : issue if I serve alcohol, issue if I don’t serve alcohol. What are your thoughts ?

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58 Comments

Beginner August 2018
Nicole · on January 4, 2018 at 7:14 AM
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Totally agree with you ! Several people have mentioned brunch and I think this is a great idea I think I will make this a priority when looking for venues , thanks .
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Super October 2017
K squared · on January 4, 2018 at 8:29 AM
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If it's against your religion then it's against your religion. Don't have alcohol but also don't expect a typical reception where people dance and hang out for 5+ hours. I'd have a morning or early afternoon wedding and keep it short. (2-3 hours max) I wouldn't have a DJ because there won't be a lot of dancing and it'll just be a waste of money. Definitely have some background music though.
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VIP August 2018
Alforev · on January 4, 2018 at 8:59 AM
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It sounds like this would be a huge issue for your FH and his family, and as long as you personally feel the same way then don’t serve alcohol. However, you need to be completely honest with all guests you are inviting on your side. They should know before flying out what the reception would be like and I agree that your family and friends should know that you’ve converted. It may help them accept and not think poorly if they know it’s against your own religious beliefs not to serve alcohol.

This really isn’t something we can help you decide on here though because you have to make a decision as to what you personally feel strongly about. If you still want to have alcohol, then a conversation needs to happen with your FH. If it’s a dealbreaker for him then you just have a lot of thinking to do. I hope that you’ve converted for yourself and not for your FH. My friends mother made that mistake because she loved her husband and wanted to please him. She ended up in a very abusive relationship to say the least.
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Beginner August 2018
Nicole · on January 4, 2018 at 9:21 AM
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It was never a discussion to include alcohol , but instead was figuring out how to let other guest know about this since more than half are not Muslim and typically would be expecting alcohol. Most family members know that I am Muslim but might be are sort of uninformed on what that includes and intitles , like for example me not serving alcohol at my wedding .

unfortunaly there are some people who do convert to Islam to please their significant other . My fiancé and I know a couple as well. But I’m glad to say I’m not one of of them
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Super January 2019
ThatGirl · on January 4, 2018 at 10:04 AM
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I second the PP's who recommended a Brunch reception... It would be the least awkward type of reception to not serve cocktails at. Some may look for champagne or mimosas but you could fake that with sparkling grape juice... it's NOT the same, but I could see less of a reason for backlash on a Sunday afternoon, than a Saturday night...
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Beginner March 2018
Kelly · on January 4, 2018 at 5:42 PM
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I agree that its your day but they are also your guests. With the same thought why give favors or offer special or different food to accommodate dietary needs? I went to one dry wedding in my life and it was due to religious reasons. In the end I felt sorry for the couple. We all left the reception and went to the bar across the street. The poor couple ended up joining us cause no one was at their expensive venue anymore except the old people that didn't want to walk or those that didnt drink, which wasn't many. Be prepared for guests to leave early or be open to classy folks taking shots in the bathroom. or emptying their flasks while your cake cutting. Cause people like to drink at weddings!
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VIP November 2017
cantwait4thedate · on January 4, 2018 at 5:55 PM
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What Jacks said!!!
eta: I saw that you feel it is against your religion and completely wrong, so I have to say I am on the fence about it. I do like the idea of a cash bar, in THIS case, if that is something your religion allows.
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Super January 2019
ThatGirl · on January 5, 2018 at 9:48 AM
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Ok... one more idea...
Ask your parents to pay for the bar for the non-Muslim guests (your side)... You can be clear and honest with your FH's Muslim family - I won't be drinking, I respect that (our) faith doesn't allow this but alcohol IS an expectation of my non-Muslim family's / friends and my family is willing to pay for it so I ask you respect that decision.
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Paula · on August 25, 2023 at 12:47 PM
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Why should she have to if her religion doesn't believe in it? I am of a Christian Faith that doesn't believe in drinking. Why would I provide alcohol to anyone if it is against my beliefs? The same goes for the poster.
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Paula · on August 25, 2023 at 12:51 PM
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If people come to a wedding reception just for the drinks who cares if they leave the reception early? A wedding and reception are to honor the couple getting married and share in their joy. I have been to several weddings where no alcohol was served. If anybody left early it wasn't noticeable.
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Paula · on August 25, 2023 at 12:51 PM
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She has clearly stated that there will not be drinking at her wedding. She is asking for a way to let her relatives, who are drinkers, know this.
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Paula · on August 25, 2023 at 12:52 PM
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That is a great idea!
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Paula · on August 25, 2023 at 12:55 PM
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I say it is your day. Do what you want. No explanation is necessary. This should be about sharing in the happiness of your wedding. If your guests want to drink they can do it another time. If you are really worried, you could let your parents know and let them pass the word along.
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Paula · on August 25, 2023 at 12:58 PM
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Wow! I have never been to a reception where people hang out for 5 hours! Among my family and friends receptions usually last 2 to 3 hours tops.
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Devoted June 2023
MrsC · on August 25, 2023 at 4:33 PM
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As far as letting guest know - just tell them, on the invitation or however. Most people know that Muslims don't drink alcohol, but bottom line, it's your wedding and it's not wrong to expect that your beliefs be respected. I don't know if this helps but: We once attended a "dry" wedding of two Baptist friends. Groom's family was Italian, and the groom and my husband served on the town volunteer fire department together for many years. Many other guests were also firemen. The groom's family and all the firemen were drinkers. There was no alcohol served at the reception but just outside the reception room, there was a cash bar set up. I don't recall if the liquor was allowed into the reception but at least those who drank could get their beverages and no one seemed to mind having to pay for it themselves - it was a lovely wedding in a beautiful hotel with great food so no one complained.
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Just Said Yes August 2024
RK · on April 9, 2024 at 1:44 PM
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Hi Nicole,
I am in the same shoes as you were and I came across this forum as I am doing my research on the topic. Can you give me your thoughts on what you finally did in the end? Would love to get some ideas!!
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Danielle · on June 9, 2024 at 11:25 PM
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Supply alcohol. People can have the option to drink or not drink. By giving people the option to drink or not drink you are being respectful and considerate of everyone.

Side note, I have Muslims friends who never drink around the elders of the community and especially not their parents, but we will go out and they drink and party just like any normal American. It’s quite hypocritical.
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Devoted June 2023
MrsC · on June 10, 2024 at 10:56 PM
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We attended a wedding years ago where the bridal couple, whom we knew from our volunteer fire department, were Baptists. There was no alcohol at the reception but just outside the reception room, a small cash bar was set up since the firemen couldn't celebrate without beer! Worked fine and everyone had a good time.
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