How do i tell my maid of honor that i want my other friend to take over?

If you do decide to go this route, just know that demoting a MOH or removing someone from your bridal party will probably be friendship ending. Reversely you can promote your helpful bridesmaid and have two maids of honor... just a thought. If she's a really good friend of yours she shouldn't mind sharing the spotlight but if you demote her she might be angry/upset and quit your wedding and your friendship all together.

Unless you want your friendship with this person to change forever and possibly end, you don't have that conversation.

Have you talked to them about anything other than your wedding lately? Your wedding planning may be your main focus, but it's not your friend's. As others will say, no one is excited about your wedding as you.

Has this friend always been this way or has it suddenly changed? If it's been a sudden change take a step back and realize that something big may be going on in their lives that they don't want to bother you with while wedding planning.

You don't unless are ok with the friendship ending.

There isn't really a way to do this without causing permanent damage to your friendship so unless you are willing to risk it then I wouldn't demote your friend. I think a lot of brides have unrealistic expectations from those in their bridal party. The only real job a bridesmaid or maid of honor has is to wear the attire requested and stand by your side on your wedding day. Anything else that someone may do is just extra. My maid of honor was my sister and she did nothing. She didn't even give a toast at my wedding. Instead my brother, who was my bride's man, gave a toast and said the prayer before dinner. My husband's sister, who was a bridesmaid, was always there for me throughout plan. She would call me at least once a week to see how I was doing. She had been a bridesmaids at least a half a dozen times before and even worked in the wedding industry previously so it was great to have her help, but I never expected or demanded it.

I wouldn't suggest removing your friend. You could make your other friend a co-MOH though! The titles should be given as a way to honor your friendships, not as a job title. Typically, no one is ever as excited for a wedding as the bride and groom are. That doesn't mean that your wedding party doesn't support you or care about the wedding, it's just that they are also focused on what is going on in their lives. It's possible that your friend has other things going on in her life that she is more focused on. Or, is it possible that she is burned out from all the wedding talk? If you were to remove your friend from MOH, it may negatively affect the friendship. I would instead make your other friend a co-MOH.

Thanks for all the advice! I'll just have 2 MOH! 😁

I'd suggest making your other friend co-MOH instead. Demoting someone from being MOH is a big risk and usually results in a ruined friendship.

Do you have to do anything really? A bridesmaid can still help out if she wants to, she doesn’t have to be a MOH for that.

View Quoted Comment I love this idea! If you have more than 3 bridesmaids, I think it is a great idea just to have co-MoHs! That way you aren't hurting your friendship with your original MoH and you give the ultra supportive bridesmaid more recognition. If you don't go that route, though, I would just ride it out. It doesn't sound like she is bad enough to warrant ruining your friendship.

I don't agree with the comments saying to not have the conversation. I don't necessarily think you need to ask her to step down, but I would definitely let your other bridesmaid take over responsibilities. And if/when she asks why, I would politely tell her that she hasn't been very pleasant or helpful. When someone agrees to be your MOH, they kind of agree to be that supportive and helpful role. I think you are more than allowed to voice when you think friends are slacking tp a degree, obviously respectfully. But you're getting married, you should feel loved and special.

If you have to tup toe around your friend when your feelings are hurt, she isn't a great friend. That's just my take on it!

Before you decide, have you asked your fiancé for help and support?
You and he are getting married and he should be your constant go to.

View Quoted Comment ^this. Your FH should be galling you with wedding planning responsibilities not your MOH or bridesmaids.

Galling = helping
Stupid autocorrect!

She doesn’t have to take over the maid of honor title but you can do most of the planning with her. Nothing really needs to be said about it to your current MOH but if she asks, be honest about why you stopped going to her for help. I am assuming you asked her to be your MOH for a reason so officially replacing her would probably hurt your friendship. Not everyone is into wedding planning and most people have a lot going on right now

Hello! I have two maids of honor! And neither of them were really doing anything. The one said I was supposed to give them duties. But I thought I shouldn’t have to. So the third girl in line stepped up and asked them if she could take over and if they would mind if she started planning the bachelorette party etc. so you could always ask your other friend to do that. Ask your MOH if she minds if she starts doing everything.

View Quoted Comment It's really good advice! Thank you so much!

I wouldn’t even bother. I would just rely on your other bridesmaid and allow your MOH to assist when she can.


I was in a similar situation years ago. I was a bridesmaid for one of my closest friends and our other friend was the MOH (they were best friends). Well, the MOH wasn’t being responsive, had other things going on in her life and didn’t really have time in her schedule to perform the MOH “job”. So my friend who was getting married called and asked if I wanted to be her MOH instead. Without hesitation, I told her NO! Instead I told her that I’m willing to help regardless because I’m her friend and not because of some silly title. The three of us are all good friends. So something that simple wasn’t worth hurting friendships solely because the MOH didn’t have as much availability as I did. The bride completely understood. I believe she wanted to acknowledge my help and say “thanks“ by asking me to be MOH instead. But I didn’t need that.
Some people take those bridal party titles seriously, as if they’re deeply meaningful. But they’re not! 🤷🏽‍♀️ And it’s certainly not more meaningful than “friends” (a title that has lasted well beyond the wedding day).

That's unfortunate. Communication is always key. Be clear but kind. Express your feelings and if she cannot be on board with you on this very important event in your life... then you need to get new friends honestly. You don't want negative energy around you on your big day. Hope this helps

You need to be honest with your MOH and express your concerns. Ask her if she doesn't think she can handle the duties of MOH then you would have to choose someone else. But in the end it's all about the bridesmaids working together to make sure your wedding day is perfect.

Unless you are ok with losing that friendship I wouldn't dare do it. If she isn't that supportive it sucks but at least the other bridesmaids are stepping up. I wouldn't demote her or promote any of the other bridesmaids. I'd leave it as is and maybe talk to her about the issues.