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Just Said Yes March 2027

How do i tell my mom i dont want her at my wedding?

Carrie, on September 27, 2024 at 3:51 PM Posted in Family and Relationships 0 6

I recently just got engaged, and my mother and I do not have a good relationship. She openly favors my brothers and has consistently pushed me down in anyway that she can just because. I have thought long and hard about this decision and told my fiance that when I tell her I got engaged that if she is not as excited about this engagement and wedding as I am then that will be that and I will not want her at any of our wedding festivities at all. She is extremely manipulative and selfish and cares most about my two brothers and herself. She called a close relative and told them that she does not approve of how my fiance asked me and that she doesnt "even know her daughter anymore" and has reached out to that relative to complain about how she wasnt included. She has not made a point to build a relationship with me and a year ago, I told her that if she continues to choose her boys and cannot treat all three of us equally then it will greatly effect her and I's relationship and she said that was fine with her.

I have made the decision to not include her, and I have a very good support system behind me of realtives and my fiance's family, and feel confident with my decision but the big kicker is that right now, my fiance and I are looking for a home and we both still live at home. I am afraid that if I tell her she will potentially kick me out or who knows, she can be a loose canon sometimes.

I am just trying to figure out how to go about letting her know that she will not be invited to any festivities or the wedding sooner rather than later, because I really am trying to enjoy the process of the engagement and everything wedding but this has put a lot of weight on my shoulders and am not sure what to say.

Any help is extremely appreciated!

6 Comments

Latest activity by Livingbestlyfe, on October 22, 2024 at 9:24 PM
  • Cece
    Rockstar October 2023
    Cece ·
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    I don’t think there is a tactful way of telling the woman who is allowing you to live in her home that you will not be inviting her to your wedding or wedding festivities
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  • Michael
    Rockstar October 2023
    Michael Online ·
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    It generally seems better to invite your mom despite her attitude since your brothers would be coming and the absence of her would be one hard for her to forgive if there would be a chance of reconciliation in the future. Also, there could be fallback on your brothers for attending the wedding. As another consideration, it often is family that will take you back in the household when you might need somewhere to go.

    Remember to pray for her too if perhaps she can become more amiable.

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  • LM
    Super December 2022
    LM ·
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    Your wedding is in 2.5 years and you want to exclude her now ? Rather than weaponizing your wedding to punish your mother for not being who you want, you're better off emotionally and financially separating from her. Accept she will never be the MOB found in fictional movies, and lower your expectations. Move out of her home.
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  • J
    Rockstar March 2022
    JA ·
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    Sounds like you need to figure out how to live on your own/not with her before you can make any decisions about if she will be invited to the wedding. She would be completely reasonable to kick you out of the house if you decided to exclude her from your wedding at this point. Why would she let someone live with her if they won't invite her to the wedding?

    Become independent and cut contact first. If you can do that then just don't send a wedding invite. You can always send an email or text explaining that she isn't welcome.

    Uninviting before moving out is not a good idea

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  • Lisa
    Rockstar July 2022
    Lisa ·
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    I agree with the above comments. If your wedding is over 2 years away, it's way too soon to make any final decisions on who is/is not invited, and there also isn't a polite way for you to tell her she's not invited while still living in her house and interacting with her daily.

    You could spend the next couple years trying to repair your relationship with your mom (such as through family counseling), or if you've decided you don't want her in your life, you could focus on becoming independent and not living in her house.
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  • Livingbestlyfe
    Savvy October 2025
    Livingbestlyfe ·
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    Your day and your life. Enjoy ur day with people who are happy for you. Periodt CONGRATULATIONS FRIEND!!!!!
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