How do you balance opinionated families?

If you want full control of all plans/decisions, pay for the wedding yourselves.

I agree with Michelle. However, if your mother is fine with letting you plan the wedding you both want without her input then I would accept it. My mother helped us financially and she never made any suggestions.

Is there any chance you could have a heart to heart with your mom? (I’m assuming she’s a reasonable person LOL)
I remember when my girls were teenagers and I would be overbearing about prom, homecoming dresses, my girls would say something like “mom, I’m wearing the dress, not you!” and it would snap me back to reality.

The only thing my mom is really paying for is my dress. My dad is helping with rentals. I made it very clear that I will not tolerate them shoving their opinions down my throat and that if they feel they have a say in things because they are helping with payments, I can pay for it myself. It's my day, not theirs.

View Quoted Comment If you want her money and also her input then this would be my approach as well. I recommend a sit-down conversation about expectations for who is involved with what in the planning process and the items you will not budge no matter what (kids/no kids invited, religious/non-religious ceremony, etc.). Let her know if you want her to be there for vendor visits and tastings or not (and also who you expect to have the final say in these decissions). Bring a planner or paper to write things down. If you do not expect her to be reasonable with her requests then you should rethink letting your parents pay for the wedding.

I think you may have to accept they will have opinions (even my MIL had opinions and we were paying for our wedding fully ). There’s a difference between opinions and taking over your wedding planning.
The simplest way is politely telling them you appreciate their input and Will take all suggestions into consideration . If they continue to be overbearing, you can choose to limit how much your sharing...’we haven’t gotten to that point yet but once we do we’ll let you know.’ ‘....great idea mom I’ll take that into consideration.’ ‘.....we already decided we’re having/ doing this, thank you so much .’ Ad nauseium . You treat these kinds of phrases! That’s the best way to ‘keep the peace’ while doing what you want.

If you can have an honest conversation with your mom and believe her if she says she’ll step back, do that. Otherwise pay for the wedding yourself and plan the wedding you completely want.

Yes, a couple must pay for the wedding themselves if they want full control.

They can make suggestions but with helping with the dress and rentals doesn't allow for input on wedding details. . .maybe details of the dress and rentals but not the rest. My parents are helping but FH and I make the final decisions. Good luck. Be sure to set the boundaries up front before taking any money.

I think everyone is right to stay you just need to draw boundaries. If they are paying for a specific part, they do get a say in that specific part, but remind them that it is your day and you want it to have your personal touches too. If they aren't paying for a specific part, they truly get no say.

In my experience, sometimes brides/grooms get upset with their parents over etiquette disagreements. This is where I think it is good to take a beat and consider what your parents are saying. My friend lost it on her mom the other day because her mom was insisting she had to invite her friend's significant others even if she didn't know or like them. My other friend cut their parents out because their parents kept protesting requiring a black tie dress code for a wedding that very clearly wasn't black tie. In both cases, the parents had some wisdom that maybe the couple should have taken into account.

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This is great advice.

We are very fortunate in that our families contributed money towards our event with zero expectation about what it would look like - aside from being able to request the attendance of some guests (namely my husband's aunts and uncles, which his parents contribution more than covers) they haven't really made any specific requests or tried to dictate anything about what our day looks like. They've asked us for advice on how they should dress, and they've offered insight when we've asked them about something specific, but they've generally been very accommodating, supportive, and not at all overbearing.

I do think money provides leveraging power, and unfortunately if you are accepting money from your families to help pay for your wedding, it can be difficult to draw clear boundaries. Maybe it would help if you allocate their funds towards specific parts of the wedding and allow them a say in those things only. If your and your mom have a similar taste in flowers for example, but your opinions on music vary widely, then you can "assign" her contribution to flowers and she can help you pick out your floral arrangement, but she gets no say in whether you get an EDM DJ or jazz band to play your event. You can also draw your mom into decisions where you are torn between two options, either of which would be fine, and you have no particular reason to pick one over the other. Giving her the choice of stationary #1 or stationary #2 will make her feel like she has some power, but won't take away your choice or impact your wedding negatively.

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This. Yes. This would be my advice as well.