How do you deal with family declining?

*sorry they always support her*

I think you just have to understand that a destination wedding usually has a higher decline rate to begin with. Add in that Covid numbers are still pretty crazy in a lot of places and a lot of people have suffered financially in the last year and I think you just have to take a deep breath, let it go, and enjoy the guests who do come.

The people who want to be there will be no matter what, no excuses. What does your FH think about it, since it is his sister? Maybe something happened to their financial situation where they can no longer afford to come, things happen unfortunately.

My FH's grandparents threatened not to come if we don't invite his half brother who is a toxic mess. So we will see if they show up when invites go out and his half brother doesn't get an invite. If they decline we will break contact with them and if we have kids they will not be involved in that kids life since they were not supportive of our marriage. I know your situation is different but focus on you and your husband, I know its hard but the day is about you and you'll have a great time with the guests who chose to be there. You could try to reach out to his sister and see if something bigger is going on so you can have a clear answer... best thing to do is see how your FH feels.

View Quoted Comment I mean no disrespect here, but I absolutely cannot stand the sentiment “The people who truly want to be there will be there no matter what”. It’s not a true statement, and I think it causes a lot of harm in these situations. It gives off the impression that if someone cannot make an event, then they didn’t really want to be there, or that the couple wasn’t important enough/valued enough for them to make it. Unfortunately, life does happen, and sometimes that means you cannot attend events that are important to you. I know there have been multiple events in my lifetime that I would have truly loved to attend, but circumstances did not allow me to go- One of them being one of my best friend’s wedding. It absolutely killed me inside to not be able to attend, but unfortunately circumstances would not allow it. I don’t think it’s fair to make generalized statements like this, especially because nobody truly knows what is going on in their lives, nor is it fair for anyone else to judge what is an “ acceptable“ reason to decline attending a wedding.

First off, my fiancé and I live in Vegas and I have family coming in from Illinois, Utah, Colorado, and California. My fiancé has family coming in from Texas and California. Hotels are expensive here. I feel your concern. When my sister got married 5 years ago, I was a bridesmaid. I ended up having to drop out of the wedding. Due to financial issues. She wanted us to buy $500 dresses, $100 shoes, get a certain mani/pedi that would have costed around $100. I was in college, I just started a new job and was unable to take anytime off until my probation period was over (the rehearsal dinner was on a Friday). Plus my car was hit in my works parking lot while I was working and I had to pay to get it fixed (since the person who hit my car had the same insurance company, and they just said my car was totaled, so they wouldn’t have to pay to fix it). My fiancé does not have a lot of family, he primarily invited friends from high school and people he calls “friends” from the Marines. Only one friend from his high school said he is coming (we went to his wedding February of 2019). None of his so called “friends” from the Marines are coming, only a few responded to the rsvp to say no, most of them ignored the invite, and won’t even answer his texts, phone calls, or Facebook messages anymore. He at least has a few friends he made at his previous job and his new job who are attending the wedding. Not all of my family is attending the wedding. My dad and most of his side is not coming, due to different health issues and knowing my moms family might create a scene, even though my parents have been divorced for almost 20 years, my moms side, still causes issues for my dads side, so they want me to have a peaceful wedding. My dads one cousin who lives in L.A. is going to attend the wedding, he does not even know my moms side of the family. Good luck, just keep your head up. We started with over 200 people invited and we might have 60 attend.

View Quoted Comment My FH thanks it’s kind of ridiculous because we live in the same apartment as them and have talk to them recently about Vegas and they haven’t said anything about them not being able to go. The last we heard was that they were going to come and that they were so excited. My sister-in-law is blaming it on her husband having to work but I don’t really understand why she can’t come because she’s blood related to my FH.
The rest is because of financials and my mom said that she would Pay for her flight and they can split a hotel room. They also just sold their condo and made money off of it. It’s just really hard because I don’t have much family on my side as it is and my mom doesn’t have much longer with us either—so I think a lot of this is me being upset because I know that this is really the last time for his family and what remains of mine to be together.

View Quoted Comment The only thing that stands in the way is finances and the fact that her husband has to work. I guess I’m just not understanding why she can’t still attend. My FH said that he would offer to pay for her airfare and even my mom said that she would pay for her airfare and to split a room with her. I also I guess just don’t understand that they’ve known about this for two years and haven’t been able to plan accordingly.

View Quoted Comment Yes I totally understand about the finances. Luckily the bridesmaids dresses that I am requesting are $45 and I don’t care what shoes they wear. I know hotels and air are pricey but my FH and mom said that they would both help cover her cost— which makes me wonder why else she can’t attend. Hopefully more people RSVP for your wedding and good luck!

View Quoted Comment Honestly, I hope they don’t, for the sake of keeping the price down. Which would be more money for us that we can either spend on the honeymoon or save for when we need it in the future. Who knows why, maybe she doesn’t want to travel because of COVID and she is afraid if she does she will get it and she is embarrassed to let anyone know. You also said her husband just got a new job, he might now be able to take time off and she does not want to attend without him. I wish you good luck, talk to her and let her know, you need to know now if she is going to participate or not. If not you will replace her with someone else.

View Quoted Comment I completely understand your disappointment. However, there could be a lot going on behind the scenes that you are not aware of, and they do not feel comfortable (or obligated) to share with you. Personally, I would not feel comfortable and would never choose to allow others to pay my way for an event, and I certainly would never want to split a room with a grown adult I barely know. Also, a lot of people do not choose/want/feel comfortable traveling without their SOs. Sometimes it doesn’t matter how much advanced notice you have… things come up and everyone’s situation is different, and you cannot always plan for them. It sounds like the reason they haven’t told you directly that they weren’t attending is because they are embarrassed and knew you would be disappointed, and didn’t want to be put in an awkward situation (which it sounds like they have been by you speaking about their financials to both her and your mothers). The bottom line is, they as a couple have decided that attending the wedding is not feasible for them, And it is not appropriate for anyone else to judge whether or not they feel their reasoning is “acceptable”. Do you have try to make offers/accommodations so that she could attend the wedding alone, and she has declined. I know it is very disappointing, but at this point, you need to simply accept and respect their decision and move on.

View Quoted Comment I think it’s interesting that you said that they are in an awkward situation because of me. They know my mom very well and they were the ones disclosing their financial situation with me. I find that they’ve put themselves in an awkward position because they didn’t tell us directly and I had to hear it from her mother. We didn’t talk financials and my FH or mom covering it until after I found out through the grapevine. I think it would be more embarrassing as a grown adult not to confront who is going to be your family directly.

I understand your feelings and they are valid however if it's a redo wedding as you said then maybe they decided to skip it, just because they have had a year to plan for it doesn't mean their lives didn't change in the year, I would just focus on who is coming

Honestly, I would just focus on who is actually attending and don't let it ruin your night. Enjoy your wedding with your husband and those that care to come.

View Quoted Comment I personally would address the individuals directly as well. But, everyone handles things differently 🤷🏼‍♀️
In the end, none of that really matters, because they have made it very clear they have made up their decision based on their own situation (whatever it may be). You have offered what you feel would be viable solutions, and she has declined them. At this point, it should be dropped. She knows the offer for financial assistance is there if she wants/feels comfortable to take it.

Aw that's too bad. It's the risk you take when having a destination wedding. I don't think it's about not wanting to be there. It could be a million reasons. People's finances/time off/confidence re: Covid is a different thing than when you first planned this.

I strongly disagree with the sentiment that if they wanted to be there they would.

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I'm sorry but you're punishing your FH grandparents by refusing them access to your non-existent kids? They were wrong in threatening not to come, but so is your perspective on this.

View Quoted Comment Omg I feel your pain with the so-called “friends” from the marines. They did the exact same thing to my husband—not returning the rsvp, texts, calls, etc. So frustrating and also hard to see my husbands’ feelings hurt.


To the OP, your feelings are 100% valid. You’re allowed to feel disappointed. I would have a conversation with (or have your husband have a conversation with) the sister-in-law and then let it go. Do your best to enjoy the day!!

View Quoted Comment Yes, it is upsetting, because he was so excited to reunite with them after almost 10 years. I figured something like this would happen. Since he was never invited to any of their big life events like weddings.

I am so sorry this is happening to you. Your very special day is approaching and so many of your family and friends don’t seem to care. Regarding your one SIL— if it acts, quacks and walks like a duck, it is a duck. She doesn’t want to attend your wedding. She won’t talk to you about it. Gosh, she won’t really even talk to you/FH much at all despite living in the same complex. Try to let it go. Her loss. Focus on the wonderful time you and your FH will have during your trip. Prayers for you🙏🏻

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Well thats my perspective, thanks for your input. If they can't be supportive us and our decisions for one day and will make it all about my FH's half brother not being there, we really don't need unsupportive people in our life like that.