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Just Said Yes November 2021

How do you deal with family declining?

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Erin, on September 26, 2021 at 4:32 PM

Our wedding is in under 2 months and it’s a redo because of Covid. We are already having a super small wedding (32 invited) and so much family has already canceled (only 11 accepted) and I just can’t help but feel hurt. Both sister in laws aren’t coming (one because she’s very pregnant which I understand). The other isn’t coming because she claims they don’t have the funds (it is a destination wedding to vegas from Ohio) and that her husband has a new job so he can’t take time off. It really upsets me because they’ve had over 1.5 years to plan and she’s supposed to be in the wedding since It’s his sister—plus I found out through his mom…they never even talked to us and we live in the same apartment complex. I’m just starting to let it get to me because majority are his family who aren’t coming and it makes me feel like it’s something against me. Everyone showed up to his sisters wedding and they always support me—even though they don’t care about family at all. How do you not let it get to you?

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23 Comments

Beginner March 2021
Briana · on September 27, 2021 at 12:08 PM
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Hi! Same boat!! Wedding in Miami and only my FH parents and one sister are coming, 15 others invited from his family are not attending "due to finances" and our wedding has been planned since June 2019, over 2 years!
Personally, I have family not coming for same reason (new job, not enough PTO) but taking their kids to disney 3 weeks later which I know was only recently planned, while my wedding has been 2 years, its annoying/hurtful but at the end of the day you can't control other people as much as we would like to, trust me! your SIL should talk to you about it though, keeping you in the dark and unknowing is just very odd in my opinion.
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VIP January 2019
Maggie · on September 27, 2021 at 12:23 PM
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Thank you for saying this. That platitude makes me really uncomfortable, too. I had to decline two different beloved brothers' international weddings because I simply couldn't afford to travel to Spain and Japan from the US. I am thankful they haven't held that against me.
For the OP, I agree with everyone who says that it's reasonable to be disappointed. But basically your only choice for your own peace of mind is to accept the declines and just move forward with your planning and enjoy your day. If you allow these declines to ruin your wedding experience, you will only be hurting yourself. Do whatever you need to do to let go and stop keeping score.
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VIP November 2021
Allie · on September 27, 2021 at 2:56 PM
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While it's okay to be upset about all of this, they have clearly made their mind up and there's really nothing you can do to change it. You're having a destination wedding, so people may not be comfortable with COVID being around still. I know for me personally, we've had people decline coming to our wedding because they still aren't comfortable with COVID, and we completely understand that. I wouldn't want to accept someone else's help financially either for an event. Everyone is different. It's better to focus on who WILL be there than who won't.
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